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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why are men hardwork?

55 replies

CleverSloth · 09/11/2024 22:41

So with him for over a year. Never had a real argument up till now.

He went out, drunk. Ended up in strip clubs and accidently sent me photos he had taken of women's rear end. That stuff don't bother me. I'm not jealous but lied and said he didn't even look. He's a man! Of course he's looking!

When talking about it, didn't realise what was up just "I went out, had fun"

Ignored for a week. To then text me and say "right, you are on your last chance. No more insecure, petty, unnecessary cr*p. I don't need or want it. So if you don't stop talking about it you will regret pushing me away!"

Then I explained, we've never argued before and of course I'm going to be upset over stuff like that as he never expresses how I look etc so it's obvious I will be insecure.

To which he responds. You're cute. Just leave it be. And move on. He struggles to communicate feelings and isn't the slightest bit romantic.

Am I being unreasonable here? I think I deserve more.

OP posts:
SleeplessInWherever · 06/12/2024 10:08

Nah, couldn’t be bothered.

Get. In. The. Bin. 🗑️

Donttellempike · 06/12/2024 10:19

CleverSloth · 05/12/2024 22:24

Update: so it's been a month ....

He got in contact after a week. The next day, we met took the kids out as had pre-booked an expensive event that the kids were looking forward to.

He was quieter than normal and it was a little awkward if I'm honest. Didn't see each other for a fortnight. But he rang more than normal like 3 times per week for an hour or so. And text as normal. Sent me flowers (for the first time) etc.

So anyway. Came over 22nd-24th November ... spent the entire time watching the tele and trying to sleep. I tried making plans to go out he complained he was too tired. Scrolling through his phone all night on night 1. Then wanted to sleep all day and hardly spoke. Woke up after night 2 and couldn't wait to go home. Just looked miserable the entire time and making jokes and taking the piss when i mentioned i didnt feel loved and asked was he okay. Got in car, stuck his middle finger up and just drove off!

Hardly spoke the following week. He had no children the following weekend ... was invited to stay. Just said no. No explanation. Nothing. Spent the weekend in bed at home apparently. But refused to ring. Just texts.

Again not spoke much this week. Few texts and spoke on the phone twice for half hour. Mainly him moaning about work.

He's due over this weekend but when I asked about it i had the response I don't know what's happening!

He keeps mentioning Christmas and how it will be great and he wants me there with his family. But I genuinely don't know what to do. My needs aren't being met. He's under a lot of stress at work I get that and teenage drama at home. So I don't know to be patient and hope he will get back to how it was or just walk away now before it turns septic.

If I don't go to his I will be having Christmas on my own after the morning when my children go to their dad's. But I dont know if I want to go through the stress of meeting his whole family properly when I'm feeling so unloved and insecure about the relationship. As for Christmas he told me he's putting money in a money wallet for me. I dont want that. It's not that I'm ungrateful but I'd rather have a cheap £10 meaningful gift or £1 handwritten card than £100 put in a money wallet.

I'm not mentioning him coming over this weekend again! Leaving the actions show me! Things have changed since he told me he loves me. I think he only said it cos I've said it to him a couple of times and he feels he has too.

To me, he's clearly not interested and just wants me so he isn't alone until someone more interesting comes along.

I've had no apology for anything which happened a month ago. And it was all my fault for being insecure.

You are a grown up. Stop wasting your time with a dead beat. Being on your own is fine, and much much better than this .

You've already been in a toxic relationship, and this has the makings of another one.

Have a break from men and centre yourself in your own life. Half of Xmas day on your own can be excellent if you choose

livingafulllife · 06/12/2024 10:19

Its not just men that are hard work some women are worse.

Missamyp · 06/12/2024 11:14

You're just a convenience. If you want to marry, look for someone who wants the same. This guy has a stressful job and a teenager; plus, he sounds like a player.
Dismisses you immediately as soon as you express your feelings.

Time be alone and reset yourself.

BadgersGalore · 06/12/2024 11:34

For god's sake woman find some self esteem and dump this cunt! And you're actually involving your children in this toxic relationship??

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