Why are men hardwork?

[CleverSloth]

So with him for over a year. Never had a real argument up till now.

He went out, drunk. Ended up in strip clubs and accidently sent me photos he had taken of women's rear end. That stuff don't bother me. I'm not jealous but lied and said he didn't even look. He's a man! Of course he's looking!

When talking about it, didn't realise what was up just "I went out, had fun"

Ignored for a week. To then text me and say "right, you are on your last chance. No more insecure, petty, unnecessary cr*p. I don't need or want it. So if you don't stop talking about it you will regret pushing me away!"

Then I explained, we've never argued before and of course I'm going to be upset over stuff like that as he never expresses how I look etc so it's obvious I will be insecure.

To which he responds. You're cute. Just leave it be. And move on. He struggles to communicate feelings and isn't the slightest bit romantic.

Am I being unreasonable here? I think I deserve more.

There was no future, ever, with this Prince among men.

But I guess it's all the dreams of the future now shattered because of silly half naked women that are too pretty for him anyway.

That's your take on this? Wow. Your future with this man was shattered by him and the fact he's a shitty person who treats you badly.

You need better boundaries and to not put up with this kind of nonsense. He suggested you move on, he's not wrong, except you need to move on without him.

'Right, you're on your last chance'

Straight in the bin. Do not pass go, and do not collect £200!!

Barf.

This made me giggle. Life is certainly a board game with this man!

Absolutely been played.

Yuck.

He's a pig.

You need to run - things will only get worse with this dickhead.

So you came out of one rubbish relationship and are now in another and wondering why this one is such a twat and trying to help him not be a twat as he treats you badly then manipulates you into apologising/explaining why you feel bad. Throw him back, do some work on your boundaries, find someone who doesn't try to make you feel insecure and apologetic for being insecure.

Accidentally sent you the photos, pull the other one!

I'm going to screenshot this

Ignored for a week. To then text me and say "right, you are on your last chance. No more insecure, petty, unnecessary crap. I don't need or want it. So if you don't stop talking about it you will regret pushing me away!"

And it was at this point I'd have laughed and told him to fuck right off. Blocked him and got on with my day.

No way would I ever let a man like that near me again after talking to me like that.

He is saying how dare you not let me disrespect you and just let me do what I want whenever I want and I will continue to shit all over your feelings as I do it.

If you want that then crack on.

So you are happy with him objectifying women and dehumanising them?

Update: so it's been a month ....

He got in contact after a week. The next day, we met took the kids out as had pre-booked an expensive event that the kids were looking forward to.

He was quieter than normal and it was a little awkward if I'm honest. Didn't see each other for a fortnight. But he rang more than normal like 3 times per week for an hour or so. And text as normal. Sent me flowers (for the first time) etc.

So anyway. Came over 22nd-24th November ... spent the entire time watching the tele and trying to sleep. I tried making plans to go out he complained he was too tired. Scrolling through his phone all night on night 1. Then wanted to sleep all day and hardly spoke. Woke up after night 2 and couldn't wait to go home. Just looked miserable the entire time and making jokes and taking the piss when i mentioned i didnt feel loved and asked was he okay. Got in car, stuck his middle finger up and just drove off!

Hardly spoke the following week. He had no children the following weekend ... was invited to stay. Just said no. No explanation. Nothing. Spent the weekend in bed at home apparently. But refused to ring. Just texts.

Again not spoke much this week. Few texts and spoke on the phone twice for half hour. Mainly him moaning about work.

He's due over this weekend but when I asked about it i had the response I don't know what's happening!

He keeps mentioning Christmas and how it will be great and he wants me there with his family. But I genuinely don't know what to do. My needs aren't being met. He's under a lot of stress at work I get that and teenage drama at home. So I don't know to be patient and hope he will get back to how it was or just walk away now before it turns septic.

If I don't go to his I will be having Christmas on my own after the morning when my children go to their dad's. But I dont know if I want to go through the stress of meeting his whole family properly when I'm feeling so unloved and insecure about the relationship. As for Christmas he told me he's putting money in a money wallet for me. I dont want that. It's not that I'm ungrateful but I'd rather have a cheap £10 meaningful gift or £1 handwritten card than £100 put in a money wallet.

I'm not mentioning him coming over this weekend again! Leaving the actions show me! Things have changed since he told me he loves me. I think he only said it cos I've said it to him a couple of times and he feels he has too.

To me, he's clearly not interested and just wants me so he isn't alone until someone more interesting comes along.

I've had no apology for anything which happened a month ago. And it was all my fault for being insecure.

I still need to work on not being astonished by the shit that some women put up with from men.

Unfortunately too many women waste their time trying to work out why their partner is hard work/trying to understand them rather than just moving on

I have don’t it and all my friends have wasted our time

truth is there isn’t many decent men out there once you realise he isn’t a good person move on

There's a reason he's been in and out of relationships.

Honestly the only real question here is if you can get any of the holiday money back or still go without him.

Anyone in a relationship with someone who treats them badly doesn't understand why someone would behave that way, and so convinces themselves it's an aberration, and there must be something they can do differently to stop it happening again.

That's the trap.

I had about five years of it, and it wasn't until years afterwards that I came across a book that put so much of it into perspective. Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/46681.Too_Good_to_Leave_Too_Bad_to_Stay

I feel like recommending it to so many OPs. It really clarified for me the difference between the unacceptable things that I'd put up with for so long, and what you might instead think of as the reasonable difficulties of working out how to live with another person indefinitely.

Everyone should read it.

Totally agree ... I guess I'm annoyed that when we first met he was portraid himself to be so loving, romantic etc. Sending me screenshots of jewellery he'd bought people, holidays and nights out with others. From his fb memories etc.

I've had nothing. Flowers once (probably out of guilt because what happened when he went out) and Christmas coming up and no effort at all

Clearly I've been too nice. Or he just isn't that attracted or doesn't really want me.

Wasted 18 months! Been an idiot! I won't end it via text or on the phone. So if he refuses to meet or can't be bothered. I'll just have to Match his energy and not make first contact. But that sounds petty to me and isn't me.

Just ghost him. It's all he deserves.

Can only assume OP thrives on drama. I feel stressed just reading it!

'Men' aren't hard work but this particular one sounds like a knob. It's ok to set your boundaries and walk away if he can't or won't respect them. He's talking like you are lucky to have him, you deserve to be with someone who feels lucky to have you.

Hardly spoke the following week. He had no children the following weekend ... was invited to stay. Just said no.

I mean, just how much shit are you willing to put up with OP? I was out when he told you you're on your last chance, you'll be sorry you let this prince walk away... what an absolute bell end. Youre only enabling him to continue to be a bell end for the next woman, this prick thinks he's God's gift

OP, if he won't meet for you to end it, do do it over the phone or by text. Don't ghost him. Not for his benefit, but for yours... the amount you've put up with so far makes me fear he could suck you in again if there isn't a definite end stated. Do not give him any more of your time or energy once ended.

The way he's being is not OK. End it, and soon.

Just bin him OP. Life's way too short to be dealing with wankers like him.

I very much doubt I'd regret pushing a man like this away.