It’s 9:30pm and my 6 year old still isn’t asleep!

[Cheeseandpicklecob]

This is most nights nowadays. It doesn’t even matter if he’s been to school or not, it doesn’t matter if he’s been active in the day (swimming and scooter today). He just can’t switch off.
We have a bedtime ‘routine’ of bath, story and then tonie box. He likes one of us to lay next to him while he goes to sleep, which means we take it in turns to not have any sort of an evening.

He’ll be up again tomorrow at 6:30/7am like every morning - it’s relentless.

I think he might have ADHD and possibly ASD as he’s on the SEN register at school, but we haven’t yet pursued a diagnosis , however I think we might need to now.
He talks non stop from the moment he wakes up, until bedtime.
We limit screens, he hardly uses them. He watches some TV but again, it’s limited.

I don’t know what else we can do - it’s so frustrating and exhausting. I’m ready for bed now and will definitely be going within the next hour, so me and DH don’t get any time together at all.

Sorry, just messaging to express my solidarity

Dd is 5 and has autism. She is currently in bed taking an age to fall asleep

I had taken to just letting her fall asleep in bed with me but I'm trying to fix things so we're doing bedtime in her own bed again

She typically takes up to 2 hours to go down. It's exhausting

And without fail she'll wake up at 7am

I'm so bloody tired 😄😄 x

@MumOfOneAllAlone
Yep that sounds familiar. I look so haggard since having him 6 years ago, his dad does too. Comparing pics from pre child. And we only have the one!

I’m not sure this is anything particularly abnormal. He’s just growing up. My 6 year old is pretty chilled, not ASD/ADHD, active, does watch some tv but never before bed. 9:30 is quite a normal bedtime for him. Sometimes it’s earlier, but 9:30 is pretty standard. I think it’s later than some, but probably because we don’t eat dinner til probably 7:30. It would be late if they were still 2, but it’s not really all that late at this stage in primary school. Dh and I definitely have less time together now than when they were babies.

I'd work on getting him to settle by himself (at least for part of the evening) so that you get some time. If he can't sleep that's fine, but he needs to learn to be able to chill in his own company of an evening.

I thought 9:30pm was pretty late for a 6 year old! Lots of my friends’ kids of the same age are asleep by 8pm at the latest.

Omg I feel the same, I just want my bed all the time 🥺

If he's happy and functions on the sleep he's getting I'd just crack on with my evening and tell him he can stay in his room with toys/books/tonie box.

Don't waste your evenings lying down with a child who's wide awake. What's the point?

My eldest child never was never asleep before 10.30 and sometimes later. No special needs- just didnt need that much sleep!

Yeah I would tell him you can't stay there all evening. Put him to bed a later and then pop in and out whilst he gets used to listening to his Toonie on his own.

Look up sensory diets, regulation, sensory seeking etc.

Some kids can't sleep if they haven't hit their sensory needs for the day (including proception, vestibular and introception) but they can't communicate it or aren't aware.

My kids have always been later to bed too. 8.30 is the absolute earliest I can get my 6yo to bed. It's more like 9 nowadays and 9.30 isn't unheard of. My 9yo's official bedtime is 9.30 but usually he's awake longer than that. They are usually up by 7. I don't want them waking any earlier tbh so I'm not changing things but it's hard not having an evening.

My 3.5 yr old grandson went to sleep at 9.30 pm this evening. On Nursery days (full day) he can sometimes go by 8, but rarely. He just doesn't need much sleep unfortunately ! None of mine were ever 7pm sleepers either!

Every child is different , have you considers he’s just lower sleep needs especially if wakes up happy. What if you carried on doing a chilled activity and then only did bedtime when he has sleepy cues ? If that’s 9.30 and that works does it matter ? He’s obviously getting the sleep he needs if wakes full of beans and dosent fall asleep in the day. Otherwise some high energy play before bed can be good for some

You could try a weighted blanket to see if that helps slow his brain and body down - and if you use a nightlight, stop, as there's a very good chance that the slightest hint of artificial light hitting his eyes (including for the bathroom) is making him ping wide awake again just in time for bed.

Or you could try what my mother accidentally found was a great solution to me going to bed, staying in bed and sleeping better. She got a litter of kittens and one picked me as her person - I went to sleep every night with a little black cat curled up and purring on my chest for 14 years.

He'll sleep if he wants to sleep. We don't need to micromanage everything. Put him in his room at 8 and leave him too it. Give him a nightlight but don't hang out all night with him. Live your life and let him decide for himself if he wants to sleep. If you stop giving him attention he'll probably get bored and nod off.

Mine managed to fall asleep at 10pm and it felt like a victory - 7yo with ASD, and there are nights when it is 11pm+ before they sleep. Their trouble is falling asleep and they will sleep in if allowed, but with school that isn’t an option. Sleep does tend to be much worse during term time when they are overstimulated, and we try to make up for it by having really uneventful weekends and half terms.

I won’t bother talkIng through normal advice around routines, as I assume you have tried it all. I do find that it evolves, so we find a system that works (weighted blanket, audiobook, fan for white noise) but then something changes and it loses its magic. i know many using melatonin, which I think is fine on a short term basis but would prefer to avoid until it is really bad.

As above, they are all different and if you have a 'talker' lying with him isn't going to help him go to sleep. Three sons, first one didn't sleep till midnight even when newborn, next 7-7 after story and tucking in (he obviously read the manual😂). First was early reader, let him read until he fell asleep himself, which could be very late. Third, I'd given up altogether by then😂 and he had videos on until he went to sleep but invariably landed in my bed in early hours of the morning. They all grew up to be productive members of society with good jobs. Just do whatever you need to get rest/sleep yourself and don't worry about what they 'should' be doing 🤷‍♀️💐

My 6 year old is usually asleep by 8 but he gets up at 5.30 to 6, so it sounds like about the right amount of sleep.

Mine wouldn't stay in his room if we left him to it unfortunately - he has FOMO. Fortunately after 3 books he's asleep in a few minutes but it used to take at least 30 mins so perhaps he will improve.

My 5yo never sleeps until gone 9pm, often 10pm. He barely stops talking or moving all day - constant questions and constant requests for craft projects, science projects, taking things apart and putting them back together…
I don’t suspect ASN, it’s just him! And he’s absolutely brilliant.

He does sleep in - though by that point he’s come into our bed and will stay asleep as long as he has me or DH to cuddle. He would love us to lie with him in the evening but since he’s one of three kids (and we also need the evenings to get house jobs done) it just isn’t an option, so he has his audiobook on and we pop in occasionally to give him a kiss and a hug.

Still here

Been here since 9

No signs of sleep

Hilarious. mine appears at my door regularly complaining of utter exhaustion and an inability to sleep - they don’t get much in the way of attention, but nevertheless cannot sleep. They desperately want to settle, feel exhausted and out of sorts, but have trouble transitioning into sleep. They describe sensory challenges - itching, tingling, tickling feelings - made despite being tired all day find themselves wide awake at 8/9/10pm.

I remember being a child and having similar issues- lying in bed staring at the ceiling for hours unable to sleep. At 44 I have become better at managing, but still have long stretches of insomnia that affect all aspects of my life. If you haven’t struggled with sleep I suppose you don’t understand how hard it can be, but please know this isn’t a choice that better discipline will address.

My 2.5 year old often goes to bed around 9.00-9.30 pm of she has a nap in the nursery. We have routine, calm her down but nothing will make her go to bed earlier. She wakes up around 7--7.30.

My mum say(with vegenful satisfaction) that I was the same 😂

Actually I was an awful sleeper ad a child too. My mum would lie with me for hours. Dont know how she had the patience.

If they're insomniac there's little you can do to change that.

You also have to remember they have bad dreams at that age so - won't want to sleep. Chances are thubgs like 'itchy feet' are simply 'I don't like the dark room' and 'if I sleep ill have bad dreams'.

I stick by what I said, nightlight and leave them to it.

It isn't about discipline. Give them a big hug if they are struggling. But don't spend your evening waiting with them. It won't help.

Alternatively just let them stay up.
Never did me any harm. ....maybe don't let them watch horror films with you though xD

It's approaching 9.30pm

And we're here again. Awake