Page 4 | To think some people exaggerate how tired they are as parents?

Noseybookworm · 09/11/2024 23:13

People exaggerate all sorts of things. But parenting small children is exhausting and in the first few years most parents are somewhat sleep deprived.

Pickingmyselfup · 09/11/2024 23:14

I'm a lot more tired as a parent than I was working stupid hours in hospitality even though my kids aren't babies. Could also be an age thing though but parenting is hard work. There is never an off switch, always something to deal with and it's mentally exhausting.

It will also depend on the person though, I'm very scatty and struggle to keep up with day to day things so it's a lot more effort and thus more tiring than it will be for someone who is naturally organised.

Storybot · 09/11/2024 23:16

DD is a good sleeper but I'm still often emotionally and mentally exhausted. It's being on-call 24/7 and every age comes with a new challenge. She's now 6 and it's constant sass or moaning, thinking she knows better, attitude and out right refusing to do the simplest of tasks when asked.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 09/11/2024 23:32

Different parents will find different parts tiring though.

I'm currently exhausted from a toddler who won't stop the tantrums every time he can't have his own way. Im not tired as in a nap/better sleep would make things better, i'm genuinely exhausted from navigating tantrum after tantrum in a way that doesn't involve giving in to everything but does support his big emotions.

Added to that is waiting for his SALT report and wondering how long it will take for the referral to paeds that the SALT wanted to make.

It's all just quite draining to be honest, especially mixed in with day to day life, another child, jobs etc.

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 09/11/2024 23:34

InformerYaNoSayDaddyMeSnowMeIGoBlameALickyBoom · 09/11/2024 16:41

Maybe they are just genuinely tired?

Either way, who really cares, they are clearly struggling a bit and vocalising it.

If they're just saying they're tired, fine.

But I have a nobber mate who told our good friend that she could look after her toddler whilst she rested at a get together, because our friend said that she was shattered. Our friend was nurse doing back to back shifts.

It's fine to say you're tired. It's not fine to make it a competition.

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/11/2024 23:36

Everyone is different.
Why on earth would it bother you?

blueyismyg · 09/11/2024 23:36

What's the point of this thread?
How can you possibly know how much sleep other people are getting?
Kids are exhausting. They exhaust you all day with their demands and when they don't sleep through the night you are exhausted the next day and have to deal with it all again.
This isn't uncommon, so yes I believe many parents genuinely are tired and I'm not sure what they'd have to gain from lying about it.
Bizarre thread...

Abitlosttoday · 09/11/2024 23:38

I often felt sick with tiredness for the first three years of motherhood. I talked about it a lot!! I was shocked by it and furious that people didn't seem to get it. I was definitely unhinged. I had hallucinations in the earliest days. Horrendous. I used to get dizzy with exhaustion. I'm not tired now they're primary age and I don't pretend to be.

Cravingtoffeeapples · 09/11/2024 23:39

Nope. I only have one dc, but she’s extremely energetic and intense and v loveable. Ive been exhausted for 6 years, I don’t go on about it to people, but I am. There’s just no let up or real time to relax. I worked as a full time teacher previously, with tutoring at weekends too, I thought I was tired sometimes, I had no idea! Once work was done, I had space and peace and time to properly relax, having a child has been amazing but off the scale tiredness wise

Stopsnowing · 09/11/2024 23:40

Just when they start sleeping more (teens) you start sleeping less (menopause)

TheMoth · 09/11/2024 23:41

Nothing, absolutely nothing, Haa ever come close to teaching full time with non sleeping toddlers. And that went on for about 6 years. I got used to the lack of sleep, although how I drove to work safely, I will never know.

I've got more energy in my 40s than I had in my 30s, and that's thanks to having teenagers now.

KangaRoo00 · 09/11/2024 23:45

Why do we do it to ourselves?
I feel like people lie to us about the harsh reality that parenting is actually not that fun, especially in the early years. They tell us to 'savour every moment' but that's so so difficult when all you want is your bed and total silence.
Bedtime is kind of like trying to clock out of a never ending shift at work, just as you are about to leave for the day, something crops up so you deal with that then proceed to leave then another thing happens and you stay the whole night but still have to get up and do it again tomorrow, you can't quit this never ending job either so you just zombie through it.

So yes, I think the vast majority of parents are so crazily fucking exhausted, it's a different kind of exhaustion though because there isn't a 12 hour break in between shifts. In a way it's a bit like psychological torture.

Can you tell how tired I am?

RickiRaccoon · 09/11/2024 23:45

Maybe some people but I didn't appreciate how utterly exhausting it was until I had 2 small kids. If anything, I used to underplay it and I'm sure many are the same too. I would constantly fall asleep on the couch at about 7.30 or 8 and just accepted that was life and didn't mention it to people.

Heavydew · 09/11/2024 23:56

Yes I think some do. My stepson and partner tell us all the time how exhausted they are and how they dont have a minute. They both work part-time in well paid jobs and own a fantastic home. They have one child who has a lovely easy going nature. All grandparents are local and we all help out regularly. They are doing a wonderful job of raising their child, but my god they seem to be the busiest people on earth and are always exhausted. I genuinely don't understand.

satonacat · 10/11/2024 00:25

Drained is probably more accurate.
Nowadays I get a reasonable amount of unbroken sleep most nights, but not having a single second off 'being mum' and never being able to switch off or share the load is draining all life out of me (single parent, no family, no contact with dc dad).
For me it's the stress that's a killer, way more than the lack of sleep.

Antihistamine62 · 10/11/2024 00:28

I used to think this… until I became a parent and now I would love for one morning just to wake myself up 🤣

satonacat · 10/11/2024 00:28

Heavydew · 09/11/2024 23:56

Yes I think some do. My stepson and partner tell us all the time how exhausted they are and how they dont have a minute. They both work part-time in well paid jobs and own a fantastic home. They have one child who has a lovely easy going nature. All grandparents are local and we all help out regularly. They are doing a wonderful job of raising their child, but my god they seem to be the busiest people on earth and are always exhausted. I genuinely don't understand.

To be fair it's probably because they can live their lives like non-parents and still socialise, go to the gym, weekends away, have hobbies etc etc. So probably knackered from doing all that.

DinosaurMunch · 10/11/2024 00:29

ThatMellowGreenFatball · 09/11/2024 16:39

Yes, raising kids is hard, but sometimes it seems like people milk the ‘tired parent’ angle for sympathy. AIBU to think they overstate it?

Raising kids isn't that hard. Having 3 years without a single full night's sleep is tiring though. Mostly 6 broken hours or less. For the first 6 months 4 hours max per night.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/11/2024 00:30

I'm so tired all the time and when he's not with me I'm tired from worrying about all the worrying I have to do
Constantly on edge
There is nothing like this tiredness having a toddler and a job. Except the exhaustion of having a newborn.
I also got tired in my 20s when I was going out every night and then to work, but I was able to handle it as I have lie ins at the weekend and it was all planned and also I was 20

TammyBundleballs · 10/11/2024 00:43

I was early 40’s when I had DS and DH was late 40’s. We were absolutely dead on our feet through lack of sleep in the early months. We had no family help at all and did literally everything ourselves. Nobody so much as made us a cup of tea.

We moaned to each other about how tired each of us were but never said anything to anyone else.

I find it easier now having him run is ragged now with his unlimited energy resources because I know at the end of every day he’ll sleep for an unbroken 11 hours and I can recharge my batteries.

cherish123 · 10/11/2024 00:46

YANBU
I think it varies, though. Working parents are obviously more tired. I also find it's not the actual parenting that's tiring. It's the multitude of fun family activities organised. I find parenting more tiring now DC are older. It was much easier parenting preschoolers.

Ubugly · 10/11/2024 00:47

My DC got up everyday around 5am sometimes 4.20am for years and didn’t sleep through the night, everyone said wait till he’s a teen and sleeps loads, no he doesn’t, then working on too, the worry and stress etc, I have been exhausted for over a decade 😂

cherish123 · 10/11/2024 00:52

KangaRoo00 · 09/11/2024 23:45

Why do we do it to ourselves?
I feel like people lie to us about the harsh reality that parenting is actually not that fun, especially in the early years. They tell us to 'savour every moment' but that's so so difficult when all you want is your bed and total silence.
Bedtime is kind of like trying to clock out of a never ending shift at work, just as you are about to leave for the day, something crops up so you deal with that then proceed to leave then another thing happens and you stay the whole night but still have to get up and do it again tomorrow, you can't quit this never ending job either so you just zombie through it.

So yes, I think the vast majority of parents are so crazily fucking exhausted, it's a different kind of exhaustion though because there isn't a 12 hour break in between shifts. In a way it's a bit like psychological torture.

Can you tell how tired I am?

I disagree. I really enjoyed the early years and miss it.

CalicoPusscat · 10/11/2024 01:24

I don't have children but can imagine how relentless and tiring it can be at times.

I'm pretty exhausted after a vicious disease and all the drugs I'm put on.

If you're tired you're tired, I don't have the extra component of having to look after little ones, but I cannot work at present so that is a money worry. Everyone has their own equation if that makes sense.

bows101 · 10/11/2024 02:12

Before I had kids, I used to say how tired I was. What a joke. I used to lay in on weekends!
Now I have kids, I am absolutely knackered. The baby side (colic/reflux/poorly babies), broken sleep for years on end, now working, running a home, raising kids, running them around etc. I look like a zombie. I've not felt refreshed even when I've had a (very rare) weekend break. I'm just used to it now and have accepted it. I do think it depends on the individual though. My friend has more kids than I and pregnant, still working, survives on 4/5 hours if that sleep and always looks great. Very very rarely complains about being tired.