To bail on a concert with friends, because I’m scared of an attack…

[Sophie2525]

I’m due to attend a concert tomorrow in Birmingham NEC, and I’m so anxious, I always think the worse that someone is going to start trying to kill us all, and I have a young child.
I feel guilty for going and putting myself in a position that something bad could happen.
I know you shouldn’t live your like this, but then I think is it worth taking the risk?

The chances are so slim. There are concerts on every single day in so many venues in the UK and there has only been one major incident in our country in recent years.

You are more likely to die on the school/ nursery run next week than the concert.

Why did you agree to go if you feel like this? Has something happened recently that has made you more anxious?

Have you ever been to the NEC? The security is high whichever way you get in.

I've been a few times and never felt unsafe.

I've only ever been to the arena in Manchester once and didn't like it, just had a very odd feeling. That was several years before the attack.

I often have thoughts like this come into my mind; I think it’s part and parcel of having young children who depend on us (or at least it is for me). Honestly, I feel like we’re wired to predict any possible hazard that could harm our kids physically or emotionally!
Also I think where you’re going is bringing up thoughts from what has happened at other large venues, which makes sense. I wonder whether this feeling changes once kids get older and parents (not assuming this is just a mum thing) feel safer to be more ‘adventurous’. Maybe someone older and with more wisdom will let us know.
Also, knowing yourself, do you tend to be more anxious before an event? Do you think that you’ll be fine once you get there? Or do you think your worry will overshadow the experience? I suppose the answer to these questions would impact my decision.

It's completely irrational and highly unlikely!

However, I just bailed on a trip to London for the same reason!

I totally understand where you are coming from and have no advice (sorry!) other than being kind to yourself.

We shouldn't have to live in fear but, unfortunately, it is a reality.

What's triggered this OP? Anything in particular?

To reassure you, it highly unlikely anything bad will happen.

Maybe you should go to your GP about your anxiety.

I used to be scared (after that wave of terror attacks in the UK) but getting older/living through the pandemic has tipped me over into being more afraid of not living my life and getting out and doing things, than living my life and the tiny chance of something bad happening.
You're more likely to die from a household accident than to die from a terror attack.
Now I live my life to the full and attend as much live music and go to London as much as possible!
Turning 50 and some friends getting cancer etc.
you have got to get out there, and not pass anxieties onto your children.

You are being completely unreasonable. You can’t live your life like this.

You really need to get help, this isn't normal.
Concert venues have so much security, they're really safe.

Why would you not go to London?
And why say it's completely irrational and highly unlikely but then say 'sadly it's a reality'? Seems contradictory.

You've forgotten to tell us why you agreed to go in the first place OP?

Seems an odd thing to do.

A specific venue or just London in general? 8 million people are there every day. I can understand if it’s a high profile event.

Absolutely fine to not agree to go in the first place but I can see why your mates might get pissed off if you bailed unless you can tell them what has changed

A life lived in fear is not a life lived to the full. If you let irrational fear dictate your choices, your life won’t be cut short by terrorism, but by your own demons.

Everyone inside the concert venue has been through security. So it’s safer than, say, going to your local Sainsbury’s, where people haven’t.

No it's not as people won't be targeting sainsburys

I think it's an awful fear to have. It sounds debilitating. However if that's the way you feel you shouldn't make plans and then bail. That must be so frustrating for your friends..

Honestly, the journey is far more dangerous (and that's really safe!)

Please go and enjoy yourself. It's really safe, they search everyone and you can only take in tiny bags

I'm scared of flying. I know all the statistics re: roads, lightening, & trousers. But it's not rational, it's a phobia. It can't be logic-ed away.

I do still fly, because the endvresult is worth it. Also, I'm not scared when I book the flight.

It's utterly irrational to be afraid of a terrorist attack on a random venue, whilst not being afraid of driving, crossing the road, or goibg to the pub.

It’s not unreasonable to feel fearful, that’s the point of terrorism but the chances are minute. Depends if you are curtailing your freedoms.

Not really. It's a reality that events do carry a small risk but an attack is unlikely.

Being realistic, it’s not completely impossible that a terror attack will happen. But in the same way, it’s not completely impossible that a meteor will fall out of the sky and squish you. Or that you slip on an abandoned kebab and slide into the path of a bus whose driver has dropped his bar of chocolate and has taken his eye off the road to rummage about for it. All of these things are possible. But they are also highly unlikely. If you’ve got to the stage where you’re too afraid to do something because of a fear of what might happen, then it’s only a matter of time until you’re too worried to go outside your front door. And that will be seriously harmful to your child’s mental well being.

It’s about assessing risks. If the police were warning people not to gather in large crowds because of the threat of an imminent attack, then you’d be quite reasonable to say that you weren’t willing to take that risk. But as it stands, you’re currently at just as much risk crossing the road.

Is part of it that you just dont feel ready to leave your little one? Maybe its too soon for you?

If not take a breath and remember lots of large venues now do security checks

I booked it a while ago, at the time it felt right, but all of a sudden I’ve got anxiety about it.
I haven’t attended something like this for a long time, I just find it hard to believe all of the people attending are safe, and there for a good time. My head is saying there must be someone bad here

Hazeby
Everyone inside the concert venue has been through security. So it’s safer than, say, going to your local Sainsbury’s, where people haven’t.

No it's not as people won't be targeting sainsburys

How do you know they won't?
Someone got randomly stabbed in Poundland in a small market town near where I live.
These things are impossible to predict.