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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you throw birthday parties for your children

64 replies

thecherryfox · 08/11/2024 20:37

YABU - I do
YANBU - I don’t

I guess I’m just curious really, I have just the one child in reception and he’s already been to 3 birthday parties. I’m a single parent so cannot afford parties for him, but I don’t want him to be the only child who doesn’t have a birthday party. Growing up, I never really had full on class parties, but more like selecting a few friends for cinema or bowling and pizza after or a sleepover etc. So I guess I’m just curious if you all do full on parties for your children each year?

OP posts:
Shatteredandconfused · 09/11/2024 09:34

Just remembering my parties as a child. My parents had very little money and there were rules for the party. You could choose 6 guests and no longer than 2 hours. Mum would make the cake, pass the parcel, musical bumps, statues and chairs ( cushions though - no room for chairs) you’d eat jam and cheese spread sandwiches, crisps, chocolate fingers and party rings! Party bags hadn’t been invented which helped with the cost. They were fabulous and literally everyone I knew had the same party!

User54614664 · 09/11/2024 10:10

Birthday parties greatly help a child's self esteem and friendship circle. Being able to meet up and have fun outside school seems to have a huge bonding effect amongst classmates. As a PP mentioned, even hosting a small party means you get several reciprocal invites and get to meet other parents outside of the rushed, school gate environment. We've been to many non-fancy home birthdays which was just some snacks, a homemade cake, small party games and running around in the garden. The kids absolutely loved it.

It might be a stretch, but considering how serious the issue of school refusal is, creating "fun spaces" for a child & their friends at an early age could be a far more valuable investment than you imagine. The school system is difficult enough and good friends are the only thing that makes it worth attending. If they don't have secure friendships or worse, get bullied, then it's understandable why so many children eventually end up hating or refusing school.

Throwing a party is one of the very small and simple things you can do as a parent which helps kids get a feeling that they are appreciated by their friends. The simple fact that someone went the extra mile to come to your house on a weekend means a lot amongst kids.

APurpleSquirrel · 09/11/2024 16:29

Liverpool52 · 08/11/2024 21:27

Genuine question when did this become a thing? I'm in my early 40s and there were two parties of other kids in primary school. I never had one because my parents couldn't afford it and even if they could they probably wouldn't. I just don't get this kids have to have a party every year. And it puts horrible pressure on people like the Op. Because for some people even "a few kids round for sandwiches" isn't doable. Some people literally don't have that money.

I'm early 40s too & my DB & I had birthday parties every year - usually at home, then maybe a trip to the cinema etc when older. This was the 80s & 90s & lots of my friends had parties too.

sanityisamyth · 09/11/2024 17:30

Screamingabdabz · 08/11/2024 22:23

We didn’t. I could probably have hosted some kids at home but a) the kids weren’t really that bothered when they were in year 1 and 2 and b) I couldn’t be arsed with it. They went to so many swim/soft play/village hall parties organised by other mugs parents in the school year that I don’t think they would’ve have noticed if we’d done one or not.

It was only when they really started to form firm friendships in year 4 and 5 that we started to do low key activities like a trip to the cinema and McDonald’s etc.

I really hope you're not one of DS's classmates parents. I'd hate for you to have to go to their parties organised by the other mugs parents. What an inconvenience for you.

SilverChampagne · 09/11/2024 17:37

Screamingabdabz · 08/11/2024 22:23

We didn’t. I could probably have hosted some kids at home but a) the kids weren’t really that bothered when they were in year 1 and 2 and b) I couldn’t be arsed with it. They went to so many swim/soft play/village hall parties organised by other mugs parents in the school year that I don’t think they would’ve have noticed if we’d done one or not.

It was only when they really started to form firm friendships in year 4 and 5 that we started to do low key activities like a trip to the cinema and McDonald’s etc.

What a complete charmer you are

eatyourtoast · 09/11/2024 17:39

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Eenameenadeeka · 09/11/2024 17:54

We do have birthday parties, but not every single year. Some years we do a family day out or a day out with a friend or two. Just because it's a lot organizing a whole party as well.

Kirstyshine · 09/11/2024 17:57

We did small home parties with sandwiches and home made cake, they really don’t have to be expensive.

Disturbia81 · 09/11/2024 18:00

Never had a party and they seems the norm now where we are, there's a few parties a year in classes of 25.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 09/11/2024 18:02

Ours did have birthday parties at primary school, but only the first one was a full class one. After that they’d started to make firmer friendships so it was easier to invite a smaller group.

Don‘t feel pressured to spend a lot, a small tea party with a few friends and some games will go down well while he’s little

Gonegirl7 · 09/11/2024 18:03

mitogoshigg · 08/11/2024 20:57

Invite friends to yours for sandwiches and homemade cake, few party games and a party bag with haribo and a bubble mixture pot

This

Mountainhowl · 09/11/2024 18:17

My eldest had days out with 1 or 2 close friends until y5+6 when he had a slightly larger close friend group so had 4 friends (autistic and has always had a smaller friend group)

My youngest is in reception and seems to have loads of friends so I think we will probably hire the village hall and a bouncy castle and just invite the class for his 5th and then scale it down in future years, seems like it will cost about the same as a day out tbf

Fundays12 · 09/11/2024 18:25

I have 3 kids they all got or will get one huge school class party. The youngest is booked for next year (less than half the price to book it now).

After that big party I do smaller things with a little group of friends again not every birthday. This year DC1 had a small bowling party with 3 friends, DC went to the cinema and had his cousin over for a sleepover and DC3 birthday was whilst we were on holiday so i booked some nice activities.

I only do large parties as a one off but can afford it. If I couldn't I wouldn't. They are stressful and can be expensive.

Powderblue1 · 09/11/2024 19:14

Nope. They're 5&8 and had one each

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