Lifts to school

[FloralCrown]

My DC passed their driving test a couple of months ago and as we live in the country with the school 4 miles away down pavement-less, busy roads, we decided to buy a car for them to use.

This has made my life so much easier as the bus was really unreliable and I often had to do the school run last minute when it didn't show up/was delayed.

My DC has given their 3 friends a lift to school since the day after they passed, saving them time and the bus fare, but not once has any of them ever offered any money for petrol/car costs (like extortionate insurance 🙄)

AIBU to think that their parents should have at least given a fiver/tenner to pass onto the driver by now because that's what I would have done?

My DC feels awkward about asking for money, I don't really see the lift-receiving-kids as I'm working/commuting when they leave, so without sending a pointed text to their parents I can't really get involved, but I'm starting to feel like a bit of a mug here.

None of the three kids are close to taking their test, let alone passing (or getting a car), so the lifts are unlikely to ever be reciprocated.

Are they being CFs?

I wouldn't be getting involved at ages (presumably) 16-18, and would assume they sorted it between themselves.

I wouldn't be expecting teens to contribute to insurance either, although it would be nice if they offered petrol money, but, as they don't drive and are fairly young, it may not be in their radar.

The person at fault is your dc for not wanting to ask. "If you give me fiver a week I'll take you to school", there's nothing awkward about that.

Does your DC have to go out of their way to collect them? If so, the simplest way is to get them to tell their friends that you aren’t happy about paying for the extra petrol it costs so unless they pay or get themselves to your house, they can’t take them any more.

Are you sure this is OK with your insurance?
Mine where prohibited from carrying passengers other than family for 1 year after they passed- it made their insurance quite a bit cheaper.

The stats for teenager drivers accidents are bad & I don't want mine showing off or being distracted by their friends

You need to calm down.

@Trickabrick unfortunately our house is right by the bus stop, so they're there every day.

However, they've now started to come later, so if the bus is on time they've missed it and DC would feel incredibly awkward about saying "you're not getting in the car without payment" and leaving them stranded.

Maybe it's just me and my friends who would have offered without having to be asked 🤷‍♀️

We used to get lifts to college with a friend all the time time.
Made sense practically.
Always offered petrol money though.

Hopefully at the same time they will reconsider testing elderly as well, some are a danger on the roads!

From a safety perspective, DC is a very safe driver.

They have a black box and are consistently in the "excellent" zone.

I feel more comfortable with my DC driving than the family nearby who lets the grandparent with glaucoma drive all their kids (though they will hopefully be off the road soon as they've had a couple of, thankfully, minor bumps recently and may also have been reported to the DVLA for dangerous driving).

AIBU to think that their parents should have at least given a fiver/tenner to pass onto the driver by now because that's what I would have done?

Maybe they invested more time in teaching their children how to have basic conversations with friends like "hey, if you want lifts you need to chip in some petrol money."

They're 17/18. They shouldn't need mummy and daddy getting involved.

I agree with pps I think your DC should mention something to their friends. Perhaps on a Friday say something like "see you Monday and by the way the petrol is costing me a fortune so I'm going to ask you all to give me £3/5 a week (or whatever)" I would check the cost of a bus ticket though in comparison.

@MeowCatPleaseMeowBack It's not a case of mummy and daddy getting involved, though the money would ultimately be coming from the parents, presumably, as none of the three kids work.

I am genuinely surprised that no one has offered & was wondering if I'm unreasonable to expect them to.

You seem to think I am unreasonable to expect them to offer and that it's up to my DC to ask; I now see that the parents of these kids probably think the same as you and have brought up their DC in the same way.

It's a tricky one as they are going that way anyway so doesn't cost them any more. Yes the others' parents are a bit CF for not offering anything but the kids are probably oblivious. Something should have been said at the start

Does the car cost a lot more than the bus?

Maybe get them to start mentioning they might have to start taking the bus themselves some weeks as petrol is so expensive...
see if that prompts anything

Do the parents of the other kids know they are getting a free lift?

Or are they giving bus fare and the kids pocketing it?

He has to say something-agree with above-

Ne needs to message them alll and say the petrol is so expensive and going forward if they want a lift it's X amount per week, payable before monday morning. Otherwise he totally understands if they want to take the bus.
Here are my bank details.

AIBU to think that their parents should have at least given a fiver/tenner to pass onto the driver by now because that's what I would have done?

Christ, they're not 5 years old! 🤦‍♀️

Let them sort their own shit.

Nice try at passive aggression. My issue is with you blaming the parents for this when the "children" involved are old enough to do it themselves. If you need to blame someone, at least blame the teens and not their parents. But also ask why your child can't have a simple conversation with their friends.

I'm sure the parents know as they've seen them in the car, plus they all leave home later in the mornings and get home earlier, as my daughter drives a much more direct route than the bus.

She can ask them, it's basically saving each child £10 a week, so if they give her £10 a month we'd be happy and they'd be quids in.

I just wanted to gauge options as to whether kids in similar situations had had the petrol money offered to them or had had to request it.

If your child is old enough and sensible enough to drive, they are also of a suitable age to sort this sort of stuff out for themselves.
You could view it as a positive life lesson…..learning early not to let people take the piss is a valuable skill and the earlier it happens, the less they will allow themselves to be taken for a mug moving on

Are you sure this isn't about you?

Are you paying your DC petrol money and trying to claw it back?

Maybe she hasn't asked them because she doesn't really care, as you'll be paying it anyway?

I just wanted to gauge options as to whether kids in similar situations had had the petrol money offered to them or had had to request it.

When I arranged with two other students that I'd drive them to our uni, I said upfront I wanted £x a week petrol money. They agreed. None of our parents were involved.

It’s a hard one.
If the parents were not involved in the lifting and collecting pre you child passing the test then no they probably won’t even think of it.

Like you we are 2 miles on country roads to get the school bus and are 8 miles from the school. If one of my neighbours kids passed the test and could take my kids to and from the bus or school that would be amazing and would save me time and money so I would 💯 pay them.

My DC passed at 17 and regularly gave lifts to friends.

He didn't ask for petrol money and it wasn't offered.

If it had been the other way round it would not have occurred to be me to tell my child to offer.

It's between them.

@TwattyMcFuckFace my DD has a job and saved up the money for the car insurance herself.

I bought the car and it will be sold when she goes to Uni.

I pay what I used to give her for bus fare and she covers the rest petrol-wise with her earnings.