To think this is unusual about 3 yo child

[Dorynnemo]

Posting here for traffic
I have a DS who has just turned 3. We have tried taking him to toddlers football club, swimming and toddlers karate classes since he was 2 nearly 2.5 years old. He seems to be distracted and unable to follow instructions given by the instructor at all of these activities. We kept taking him to several classes but he seems to be not playing or enjoying it so we stopped swimming and football. Now he is going to only karate where there are similar age kids who seem to be able to follow the instructions just fine but he seems to be distracted and wants to keep looking at other kids and surrounding than following what he is being asked.
Me and DH are slightly worried about his lack of attention, his speech is fine with his age and he goes to preschool where they say he is perfectly fine and is able to follow what's being asked. I want to hear if any parents had similar experiences and what they did about it.
Am I AIBU to be worried and also appreciate any suggestions?

Just love him & cuddle him, and don’t waste your limited time & energy on classes he doesn’t need.

Yes fair enough, good point

Sounds like my dc. Classes have been a challenge as he just doesn’t seem
bothered. Sports day at nursery he just kept wandering into another group. However, send him to a birthday party and there is someone dressed up as a super hero and suddenly he listens to everything!

I am just going with children advance in different ways and at different times.

@UpUpUpU is right! Most definitely can't follow instruction at three - no attention span. I remember taking my nephew to football training at 6yo - the entire team simply charged up and down the pitch in a herd after the ball, all out of position.... except when they (in unison) shuddered to a halt to gaze up at a low flying plane, leaving the ball unattended.

He's fine.

The other kids in the clubs are there because they're the personality to behave. All the ones like yours who don't follow instructions are somewhere else having unstructured fun.

Get his hearing tested.

Sounds normal. I take almost 3yo DS to swimming classes - he does (mostly) listen but spends the whole time saying, loudly, “no mummy, I’m not doing that”. He probably does about a third of what he’s meant to - yet claims to really enjoy the classes!

His hearing is definitely fine as he answers to any questions I ask.

I think we are being unrealistic as parents

When DS was 3, he once spent an entire football lesson playing with a leaf he found on the side of the pitch. I decided at that point that it was a total waste of time and money.

He's now 5 and one of the best at sitting still and obeying instructions at school so I wouldn't worry too much about it.

DS at 3-4-5

Football, weirdly when Coach showed drills mine would do it wrongly, be dead last but think he was first and cheer for himself.
Football out in field he would stare up at trees and I was amazed at other boys chasing the ball and actually understood game.
Very average at everything until he was about 7-8, and then became slightly better.

Adult now, competent at Squash, gym stuff, running, trying golf, can do sports.
He is at a top uni, studying a difficult course.

If you are thinking adhd … i don’t think they start considering diagnosis until 6.

Maybe he just doesn't like sport, you could try art classes or MENSA. If that still isn't enough maybe flying lessons or politics more his thing.

It’s normal. I have a nearly 4 year old who’s like this. He does football, swimming and gymnastics, the only activity he manages to not get distracted in is gymnastics. We’re not stopping swimming because we think it’s a really important skill for him to learn although learning is going incredibly slowly because he’s away with the fairies most of the lesson and we tried to stop football as we presumed he didn’t enjoy it and that’s why he was distracted but he really wanted to keep going when we tried to stop it so we’re letting him carry on for now and will reassess over the next few months.

He sounds totally normal to me.

I don't read 10 books with my daughter every day but there have definitely been days she's made me read her 10 different books! Yesterday I had to read the same book 4 times in a row 😅. She's 3 next month.

Maybe you should read some child development material...
This is completely normal. Children that young don't even need sports and clubs (it's fine if they do it just to have fun but you're expecting way too much from your young child).

He's a toddler. He's not ready to sit down and follow instructions.

Totally normal op

He may be getting mixed messages. "Negotiating", "we try to maintain boundaries", "DH more strict....sometimes I give in...". All red flags.

Is good you are getting more strict about maintaining boundaries - especially with the change in family structure.

I always felt 2nd to 3rd year of a toddler's life was just warm up for raising a 12-15 year old. Not sure which is more work.

Maybe he’s not into sports? He may have dyspraxia or autism but tbh if you dont notice anything else out of the ordinary then it’s probably just that sport isn’t his thing. Do the other children struggle with instruction or is it just your child? Does he follow instruction in nursery? Does he have any repetitive behaviours? Eye contact and responding to his name ok? Is he more hyper than other kids? Maybe just keep an eye out for these things.

I agree he sounds totally normal.

But I think people on here are a bit overly dismissive of classes.

We did them with ours at this age and it wasn't because we expected them to learn stuff, it was just a way to get out of the house, burn off some energy etc.

I would say actually that most of the 2-3 year olds are the football class we went to did pay reasonable attention - but because the classes were tailored to this age group, these were fun activities.

But it was self selecting and that's important - my older one loves a structured activity, my younger one was more hit and miss and when he lost interest we took him out of the classes. What I am trying to say is - it's not ridiculous to try these out, some kids do enjoy it at this age but it's equally true that some aren't ready for it or just don't enjoy it and that's fine too

Yes and no, I think.

Is there a reason you’ve gone for all sports classes; and nothing different?

As you know from the classes, some kids do listen and try. Mine is the rebel in a couple that we go to; he’s great 60% of the time but absolutely distracted the rest of the time, or he skips the activities he doesn’t like and waits for the ones he does. Some of his friends are flawless in class and do it all. It really depends.

They all have classes they don’t love; though. We stopped toddler football when he stopped getting involved, we’re currently doing tennis that he loves, and an art class which holds his attention much more. We were doing a languages class that he really liked but it’s temporarily stopped.

Mine is very nearly three, too. It is an age of negotiation and testing boundaries.

I’d definitely look at doing some non-sports related activities with him, though.

Why are you doing this to yourself at this age, you have another 15 years of ferrying him to activities that he actually wants to go to. Wait till he's older and in the meantime do things he can cope with and enjoy.

My son was exactly the same at football but he was 4. Maybe worry if his attention etc doesn't improve in timr

Sorry forgot to mention my son is now 6 and "on the autism pathway" (meaning we know he's autistic but the actual assessment is going to take years)