To not want to go on a family holiday?

[Zano]

I have not been getting on with my partner at all whatsoever. If I had money I’d have left ages ago. We have not been intimate in 2 years but had a nice relationship up until the last 7 months. He is very angry and aggressive to my adult daughter and myself but will think it’s our fault. He cannot have a discussion/disagreement without it turning verbally aggressive. I can’t discuss any of my issues with him as he feels attacked and then is nasty to me. He has very low emotional intelligence which has always been the case but the good outweighed the bad. I have went through years of toxic stuff with him and his Mother which tbf has calmed but I feel so resentful and can’t stop thinking of how badly I’ve been treated for the past 25 years. We have adult children and 14 year old twins. I feel so guilty about wanting to leave as I know how much it will impact them. One has autism.
Anyway I have told my partner repeatedly that I am done and have put my name on social housing lists as I cannot afford to private rent, I live in a big city and prices are through the roof, my twins are boy girl and I have older boy girl adult children and they all have their own room.
I could write a list of the things he has done to hurt me but it was always 85% of the time he would try and we got on well and he could be so caring. I don’t think he’s nasty he’s just selfish and not had the best upbringing and his emotional needs were not met. I have done so much work on myself and grown so much, I can’t kid myself on but he seems to be able to and just wants to sweep everything under the carpet but inside my head is screaming! If I try to chat he just swears and goes up to bed. I’ve told him I’m leaving when i can but because im being civil I genuinely don’t think he believes me.

He has booked a holiday for all of us and I just can’t think of anything worse than having to spend time with him and pretend as I am so done. However my younger twins are so excited and are looking forward to it. Should I go for them? I had my first at 19 so I think I am just really burnt out as I’ve always put my children first but I don’t know if I can this time, thinking if the holiday fills me with dread as it feels so fake. I can’t be my genuine self now with him and basically have to put up and shut up which I’m not willing to do. He is not capable of any reflection and I am done doing all of the emotional work with him. Sorry it’s so long.

People don't tend to realise or care that they are responding to an actual person with actual feelings. I'm sad for you OP and I think it's a tough decision about the holiday but I hope it all works out for you. Please reach out to a friend or family member for support. It will be tough going it alone initially but you will find your way and your happiness again! Plus your kids will see you are both happier and that in itself is what they probably need too.

As he is aware that the marriage is over for you, but has booked the holiday anyway, IF he is safe to take the twins, let him take them (and any other children who he booked for IF they want to go). I wouldn’t go personally in this situation. Best of luck xx

Agreed, I have no idea why people post about their relationships on this site, the willingness to be obtuse, glib, be aggressive to women who dont have the 'perfect' relationship is shocking. Reading things into the OP that OPs dont say, making things up.

Relationships are complicated, people are flawed, it takes time to navigate through that either to stay, or to leave.

OP - I wish you well but thing you need to have better understanding of what separating will mean especially in regard to your housing expectations.

You will not get social housing easily and your adult DC won't be counted for any housing need.

If you are going to leave seek professional advice and engage a solicitor asap.

These things take time and the longer you leave it the harder it will be - start proceedings now as this will show how serious you are.

Good luck

I don't think you should go on the holiday. You know you need to leave him. Dragging it out won't help anyone.
Can he not take the girls by himself? If not just cancel it. He will be cross, but he's a cross person anyway so...
Just rip the plaster off. The relationship is over.

Who are you to police how I come across? Get lost

@JollyPinkFox "
Who are you to police how I come across? Get lost."

Well I think 🤔 someone needs to. Why are you being so lacking in compassion for the OP? You obviously think you're so perfect .

@JollyPinkFox I think your responses are completely in appropriate. Just because you are hiding behind a made up "profile" does not give you the right to attack the OP and make insinuations that her children should be taken away from her? This lady has freely said her mental health is suffering as a result of the current circumstances but yet you are attacking her? My mind absolutely boggles. People reach out for support on these type of forums and you are the sort of person that will one day push someone over the edge without even knowing it. You are a horrible piece of work and I only hope you have created such drama because you have nothing but a perfect life. I have and will continue to report your posts. I hope you are never in the same position as the OP.

As is usual with any posts like this, I'm so sorry and sad to see the ignorant victim shaming and quite frankly aggressive responses. Shame on you ladies who do such things!

Glad that many have now been removed by the site regulators now and also heartened to read the other compassionate ones which there are many. 🙏

So sorry that you find yourself in this situation OP. I don't have any advice but wanted to say I'm holding your hand x