Appropriate bed time - 13 year old

[NeverFastAlwaysFurious]

We go to bed at 9. Sometimes before to watch a film or doom scroll. We are up extra early. DD says she cannot possibly go to bed at this time too and has set herself a bed time of 10. However I've just heard her getting in to bed now and she was fucking about not actually in bed so could have been a midnight bedtime on a school night. She wakes up at 7 to get ready for school and it's 50/50 as to whether she is cheery or the devil. She is never spritely. I forget, at my age, whether spritely in the morning was ever actually a thing. So I've given her a stern word and said we'll have a chat tomorrow about appropriate bed times and strict rules. She has friends who go later and who go earlier.

So, 13 years old and up at 7am - when is bedtime?

Here it is 9.00pm in their bedrooms, settling.

9pm settled in room no devices or TV at that age. DS was always told he can read if he isn't tired. He's nearly 17 now and controls his own bed time. He settles for the night by 10:30 on a week night but doesn't necessarily go straight to sleep. Up at anywhere between 6:30 and 7:30 depending on his college timetable. Never tired and always up to his alarm. Even on a weekend he rarely sleeps beyond 8.

It depends! In an ideal world 9 ish for mine on school nights. However, he has an activity which finishes late twice a week and can't get to bed til after 10:30 on those nights! He also has a late activity on a Friday night :(

You can't mandate her to sleep you simply mandate the light off. They need to learn to self regulate and develop some level of autonomy.

My 11 year old goes to sleep at 10 but bounces up at seven, is energetic, sports five evenings never a bother.

His 16 year old brother is usually lights out at 11 again up and out early, sports,.very academic no bother.

Everyone's body clock needs different accommodations.

At 13 I think 10-10.30 is fine but that’s when they’re getting into bed for sleep, not pottering around their room.

I would give up on expecting her to be spritely though. Who’d be spritely getting up for school?!

In bed for 9. Alexa on but needs to be asleep by 9.30 latest not pissing about on Alexa. Alexa is for stories or sounds to fall asleep to.

Why are you going to bed at 9pm?! I know you say up early but how early

I get up at 6.30am and don't go to bed till much later than that

Devices go off here at 9:30. She can read or sleep after that. I don’t interfere as long as she’s in her room and quiet.
Edit to add - she’s usually settled for sleep by 10:00

Devices off by 9.30 for my two - 16&14. I don't get involved with what they're doing in their rooms after that, their phones charge overnight in my room.

Sleep by 10pm here, 10:30pm non-school night. Up by 7:45 am.

I would love 9, but that's not happening!

My 11 year old goes to bed at 10/10:30pm on school nights and 11/midnight at weekends. Up at 6:30am on weekdays and whenever he likes at weekends.

Although we're not a great family to add to this discussion 🤣 He has ADHD and struggles with that sleep schedule even with medication for sleep. I stressed about his lack of sleep for years, but I have come to accept that he just doesn't need sleep in the way that others do. It has been the same since he was a tiny baby. He didn't sleep during the day past 3 months old.

"spritely" is a strange word to expect to be able to apply to any teenager at 7am. Their body clocks work differently.

I've just got up for a wee as I can't sleep at all and her light was still on. She says going to sleep any second but I'm doubtful!

Thanks all, really helps.

It's hard to say to go to her room as some nights she never leaves it. Tonight we were privileged that she chose to sit with us 🥹🤣

I get up at half four. I've always gone to bed at nine and settled watching tv or something but now I go to sleep at 9.30 latest in order to get up. Obviously tomorrow I'm not getting up at half 4. Alarm changed to 6.

It's been a long time. I thought they were full of life and no back pain 😂

Her bedtime is fsr more 'normal' then your wake up time! You are going to bed half way through the evening and getting up in the middle of the night!

8-10hours is recommended for teens. So somewhere between 9and11. At 13 mins wouldn't have had much chill time if it was 9pm - tea and homework then show etc so I'd go for 10pm.

Do you have to get up at 4am for work?

Ermmm thanks?! 😂

I'm happy with my schedule and it's not really relevant. As an adult, I've set it based on what works for me.

@Rachie1973 no. I'm in the gym for 5 and back home by half 6 to get myself ready for work and wake her up at 7 - sometimes I don't need to do anything at all and other days I'm like her personal cheerleader egging her on to open her eyes etc. We leave for school/work at 8ish. It's the only time I can go. Evenings don't work and I'm out all day so can't do lunch.

Isn't it a little lonely for her being alone in the evening? What about clubs? Parties? Being the inevitable parent taxi service? Having someone to chat to when she gets back in the evening from something or to talk through homework?

If it works for all of you, sure, I just can't see that it's great for her, especially as she gets older and will likely be going to bed later.

It may work for you but I would hazard a guess it doesn't work so well for your teenager! No wonder you want her in bed earlier if you are in bed by 9 so you can go to the gym

Do you mean because she's in her room or because we go to bed early? She wouldn't be going to any clubs etc after 9 anyway. Our 9pm bedtime isn't affecting her.

She was out until about 6.30 tonight and then sat with us. When she's upstairs she's chatting with her friends either on the phone or playing Xbox with them. She's mostly social enough but sometimes she does want zero contact from anyone and I respect that, with check ins.

What? I want her in bed earlier than 11 because I don't think that's a good bedtime. Nothing to do with me going to the gym.

The we is me and her dad. I'm not making her go to bed at 9.