To book tickets to see same show as husband and step-daughter

[Tinogirl]

Every year husband’s niece is in a pantomime and SiL buys tickets for DH and stepdaughter and the rest of the family but not me and my daughter. They then go to a Greek restaurant.

I am fed up of the exclusion so this year I am going to book tickets and a table at the restaurant for me and DD.

When I confront SiL she says that her kids don’t get to see step-daughter that often, and I said that my daughter won’t get in the way of them seeing her just by being there.

DH can’t see what the fuss is about and why I want to go.

DH thinks if I go ahead with my plan it will be embarrassing for me. I don’t think so.

what does your daughter (or you) do to encourage your partner's daughter to like her? or is there an expectation that just because the adults are together the kids must just be absolute besties?

How much contact does your DD have with her father's side of the family? Are you trying to fill a gap? I think that's pretty misguided. There may, of course be very good reasons if she doesn't but how about exploring that?

How much contact does DSD have with your side of the family? do you always take her to all events because you come as a package and your family accept that? If so, that is lovely, but not all families want to do that. The quicker you accept this and move on, the better it will be for everyone.

If you do that I would go as a four. Show a United front

How long have you been married to your DH? How old is SD, DD and SIL’s kids? Does your DD have the same interests as SD or SIL’s kids?

It is not fair to the children to expect them to develop a sibling type bond, or any bond, just because the parents marry. The same goes for expecting SIL’s kids to have a bond with your DD. It would be best to help the kids build relationships outside of this event before expecting to be included in it.

Depending on everyone’s ages and interests, we may be able to help with advice and ideas on how to build relationships between your DD and the children in DH’s family.

I say this as someone who grew up in a blended family. Please don’t try to force the children into a sibling or cousin relationship. My parent tried to do this to me. I didn’t have anything in common with my step relatives and didn’t get along with them. It was miserable for me as a child and as an adult, I’ve chosen not to continue the relationship.

Seriously, don't embarrass yourself or your poor daughter. Yes your SIL is being unreasonable, but why don't you just choose to do something lovely on your own with your daughter, instead of tipping up at the theatre and looking like an idiot? You're not invited, whether you like it or not. Accept it.

I don't know if your daughter is her niece by blood or by marriage but frankly I do not care. I would be telling my husband it is not fair to exclude my child from seeing her sister in the performance every year and that if he doesn't have a word about it he can look for a new wife.

I think your husband is totally out of order to go without you and needs to speak to his sister. My husband I have step nieces and nephews and step grand nieces and nephews. We don’t ever treat them any differently.

You can't force people to love you or like you or include you by insisting on turning up when you haven't been invited. It can only make things worse. Try creating occasional opportunities for the girls to spend time together in a relaxed way and see if they get closer. If not, let it go. Step families are hard to navigate.

Maybe book to see the show (tickets in the best seats) and leave a gift for your husband’s niece and a note saying how wonderful it was for you and your daughter to see it with your husband to pass on to her. Then go to a different restaurant and have a lovely supper with your daughter.

I think that’s the classy way to do it, and who can criticise you?

Tbh I think your SIL sounds like a bit of a cow. Your DH/DP should stand up for you a more. Excluding family members is a big 'no-no' especially at Christmas time.

How long have you been with your husband?

every Christmas my brother and I have a tradition that we take out children to a local market, ice skating and then to a restaurant for dinner. We have done this for years and I don’t think I would want his new partner or her children to come

Go to the panto just you and DD then have a lovely meal somewhere just the two of you. Make it a special treat.

I don't see anything wrong with going to see the show (just try to stay out if their sight, so they can't give you any grief about it), but I would definitely go to a different restaurant, because it would be weird to go to the same one as them! I don't see why you can't treat your own kid to the same treat your step child is getting!!

Your OH is pathetic for not having you included and they sound a vile family for excluding you both. Is she not his child?

I would book something else with your daughter and be reconsidering the relationship as your daughters feeling obviously aren’t cared about.

Well said! 👏 👏 👏

Sorry think its an terrible idea because if sil say anything unkind it will upset your daughter. But I cant understand why you dont have an invite and husband should of stuck up for you.

I add to the chorus of no’sssss! Don’t do this!

I wouldn't bother to go at all but if plan something lovely for you and your daughter to do while they are all away and make the most of just being the 2 of you

Oh no terrible idea. Use the time to do something for yourselves.
I think your dh is twatty for not supporting you. It's very excluding. But you will look foolish if you go through with your plan.
Rise above it..
I'd be going to a west end show with DD for the weekend.

Arrange to do something better and stick it all over Facebook!? That's what most people do. Go nuclear as it's clearly unfair. She sounds like a mean cow so you don't really want to be there do you in all honesty xx

It's DH's niece in the show, not DH's daughter. So it's excluding OP's daughter from seeing her stepcousin.

Not that it's any better... SIL is rude for leaving out her brother's wife and stepdaughter. Can't believe DH has found this acceptable.

So DH goes to a pantomime evening that his niece is involved in, his DD and his sister go, does his ex go as well?

My family is blended and if my DH allowed my DD to be excluded we would no longer be married, it would be the same from his POV if my family excluded his DC.

Your main problem is him.

This. I don't understand why your husband is allowing SIL to leave you out!

I wouldn’t book to watch the same show, not even on a different night!!
min fact I’d book you and your DD a nice night out somewhere that night, followed by a nice meal somewhere!

Do you and your DD ever go out, just the 2 of you with your family? Excluding your DH & SD? Perhaps you should… to point out to DH how it makes you and DD feel.

This! Do something amazing and pop pics on line…. I’d be tempted to poss off to some amazing place for the whole weekend!!