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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Poppy on kids sports kits

354 replies

HelenHen · 05/11/2024 11:35

This seems to be a big thing now, but seems very unfair.

How can a kid choose to not wear a poppy if its being handed out by their coach before a game?

Not everybody chooses to wear a poppy, for whatever reason... many people do and that's totally ok... but it seems harder and harder for kids to make the choice.

OP posts:
WongKarTie · 05/11/2024 17:24

Miffylou · 05/11/2024 17:19

I totally agree that not all wars are or have been right or just. But I don’t think wearing a poppy in any way implies otherwise. The money raised helps veterans, including disabled ones, and I don’t understand why anyone would object to that unless they believe the UK should not maintain any armed forces, should never fight in any wars / battles (including fighting in defence), and that armed forces veterans, including the disabled ones, should not be helped.

But some of those veterans might well have been involved in conflicts people did not agree with or personally harmed their families. Can you really not see why some people might not want to donate?

And of course, there are people who do believe some or all of those things, as is their right.

I personally don't care if people wear a poppy or not (I choose not to) but it really does bother me when people are berated for their choice not to or accused of being terrible humans. It's really not the case.

BarbaraHoward · 05/11/2024 17:25

Miffylou · 05/11/2024 17:19

I totally agree that not all wars are or have been right or just. But I don’t think wearing a poppy in any way implies otherwise. The money raised helps veterans, including disabled ones, and I don’t understand why anyone would object to that unless they believe the UK should not maintain any armed forces, should never fight in any wars / battles (including fighting in defence), and that armed forces veterans, including the disabled ones, should not be helped.

Again, not everyone in that team will be British or have solely British heritage. It's not likely that those of Irish heritage would want to send funds to the veterans who served in NI.

RamblingEclectic · 05/11/2024 17:27

It's most likely just done on habit than conscious memorial. If my child was bothered, I'd offer them an alternative to wear.

kids not much older than your 10 year old died for their country

...is this using children being forced into war as a reason why children should wear a poppy to honour dead children?

Remembrance Day is important and children should be taught about it and encouraged to wear a poppy.

My children have felt poppies with the words Never Again on them.

My children were taught about their great grandfather who fought in WW1, who was part of veteran protestors who had poppies that said Never Again while fighting the government for support, and was a conscientious objector in WW2, sitting at the tops of building in London to watch for German planes and fighters, and the many other veterans and conscientious objectors in the family. They were also taught about how poppies came in after World War 1 - which had nothing to do with our freedoms - and about our family members and family friends who were forced into war (I was raised around Korean and Vietnam war conscripts).

Some years back, the British Royal Legion had a fundraising campaign with children wearing 'future soldiers' shirts, Do you understand why this might be far more likely to disturb the ghosts of the men, women, and animals who died than someone not wearing a flower?

There are many other ways to honour and remember the dead than a flower, like remember who they really were beyond the war and what the war did to them.

Imagine how different life would be today if we had lost WW2
Suggesting there is two sides impliesxtk kids that it might have been ok to appease hitler!

It seems very disrespect to place whether poppies should be worn on a single war that isn't even the one that is why poppies are used in remembrance in some countries. Poppies came in after World War 1, not World War 2 - a war that quite a few of the World War 1 veterans the poppies were originally to commemorate refused to fight.

TheSmallAssassin · 05/11/2024 17:28

JaneDoeHere · 05/11/2024 14:02

I bet the OP wouldn’t object to other “political” statements. What a surprise that you don’t like the poppy.

Remembrance Day is important and it sound like if you’re not going to instil value into your child’s life, at least let the sports coach give it a go.

It’s disrespectful not to wear a poppy.

Disrespectful to whom? The people who actually died don't know whether you are remembering them by wearing a poppy or reflecting privately, so it can't be disrespectful to them.

IKEAJesus · 05/11/2024 17:28

JaneDoeHere · 05/11/2024 14:02

I bet the OP wouldn’t object to other “political” statements. What a surprise that you don’t like the poppy.

Remembrance Day is important and it sound like if you’re not going to instil value into your child’s life, at least let the sports coach give it a go.

It’s disrespectful not to wear a poppy.

And this kind of attitude is one of the reasons I no longer wear a poppy.

It should be individual choice. Forced compliance does not demonstrate any kind of respect,

WongKarTie · 05/11/2024 17:30

IKEAJesus · 05/11/2024 17:28

And this kind of attitude is one of the reasons I no longer wear a poppy.

It should be individual choice. Forced compliance does not demonstrate any kind of respect,

I'd argue it's more disrespectful to wear a poppy just because it's the done thing than because you deeply care and understand the horrors of war.

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 05/11/2024 17:35

Imagine having an issue with wearing a poppy at an organised sports event on remembrance weekend?!
How embarrassing

WongKarTie · 05/11/2024 17:39

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 05/11/2024 17:35

Imagine having an issue with wearing a poppy at an organised sports event on remembrance weekend?!
How embarrassing

Imagine not understanding other perspectives than your own. How embarrassing.

Saschka · 05/11/2024 17:40

JaneDoeHere · 05/11/2024 14:12

It is simply ignorant not to wear one in the UK.

Do you know where Derry is? Hint: it’s in the UK 🙄

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 05/11/2024 17:41

Imagine not understanding other perspectives than your own. How embarrassing.

Oh I understand other perspectives and in this case it seems somewhat disrespectful.

I'd be mortified if this was my child.

WongKarTie · 05/11/2024 17:43

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 05/11/2024 17:41

Imagine not understanding other perspectives than your own. How embarrassing.

Oh I understand other perspectives and in this case it seems somewhat disrespectful.

I'd be mortified if this was my child.

Mortified your child thinks for themselves, and understands the nuances of a complex subject?

Also, buying a poppy isn't the only way to show respect by any means.

peonym · 05/11/2024 17:44

Screamingabdabz · 05/11/2024 11:42

You could just intervene on your child’s behalf. It would make you petty and ridiculous but those soldiers gave their lives for us to have freedom, and that includes not respecting them I guess…

The poppy in some places is a divisive political symbol.

Onlyonekenobe · 05/11/2024 17:47

Livelovebehappy · 05/11/2024 17:21

So you want to take away the option for those who want to wear it, so as to not make your child stand out for not wearing it? Okay…..

Show me one post on this thread that has said that the option to wear a poppy should be taken away from those who want to wear it.

It's about respect, not obeisance.

Respect cuts both ways, and if you have a problem with that (which necessarily means having a problem with someone not seeing or doing things the way you do), you have instantly lost any right to the intellectual or moral high ground.

Every poster here respects the right of those who want to wear a poppy, to wear one.

Not every poster respects the right of those who DON'T want to wear one. In fact, they have used shame and guilt and feigned/real ignorance and in your case, made up nonsense, to justify why they shouldn't respect the rights of people to not wear a poppy. And all this under the banner of "respect". It's the sort of hypocrisy we see everywhere these days. Like tweens playing gotcha, just to have the last word, but based on mistruths and made up rubbish.

Saschka · 05/11/2024 17:47

Miffylou · 05/11/2024 17:19

I totally agree that not all wars are or have been right or just. But I don’t think wearing a poppy in any way implies otherwise. The money raised helps veterans, including disabled ones, and I don’t understand why anyone would object to that unless they believe the UK should not maintain any armed forces, should never fight in any wars / battles (including fighting in defence), and that armed forces veterans, including the disabled ones, should not be helped.

But lots of people DO believe “the UK should not maintain any armed forces, should never fight in any wars / battles (including fighting in defence)”. For both religious reasons (Quakers, Buddhists etc) and political reasons (lots of people from countries which are politically neutral, as well as various communists, anarchists etc).

MsPavlichenko · 05/11/2024 17:48

Screamingabdabz · 05/11/2024 11:42

You could just intervene on your child’s behalf. It would make you petty and ridiculous but those soldiers gave their lives for us to have freedom, and that includes not respecting them I guess…

It’s entirely possible to respect those soldiers but still choose not to wear a poppy. It’s entirely possible not to feel that way and not to wear a poppy.

It is about freedom of choice. I agree with the OP, it should be an opt in option.

NewName24 · 05/11/2024 17:49

Exactly... it's just a sticker... why is everyone getting so hysterical about how important it is to wear the sticker, and demanding others just do it.

This wasn't clear to me, until you wrote it on P5.
From the start, when you said the coach was handing them out, I had presumed they were printed on the kit (and this wasn't challenged when someone said that early on).
I mean, I was wondering what kids sports team could afford a new set of shirts just for this weekend, but....

However, if it is just a sticker, then I can't see the issue with her just saying "no thanks" when (s)he starts handing them round. I mean, it seems unlikely they will stick on the kit for long anyway. If the coach is surprised, then your dd can explain, but I suspect (s)he will just move down the line, handing them to people who want to wear them.

K0OLA1D · 05/11/2024 17:50

Ilovemyshed · 05/11/2024 12:08

Its printed on the kit

It's not. It's like a material sticker

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 05/11/2024 17:50

Mortified your child thinks for themselves, and understands the nuances of a complex subject?

Also, buying a poppy isn't the only way to show respect by any means.

No it's not but it is pretty well known that sporting events will commemorate Remembrance Sunday this weekend. That's part and parcel of being part of a sports team. If you have an issue with it, opt out.

Refusing to wear a poppy in these circumstances just seems churlish. What point is being made exactly?

peonym · 05/11/2024 17:52

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 05/11/2024 17:50

Mortified your child thinks for themselves, and understands the nuances of a complex subject?

Also, buying a poppy isn't the only way to show respect by any means.

No it's not but it is pretty well known that sporting events will commemorate Remembrance Sunday this weekend. That's part and parcel of being part of a sports team. If you have an issue with it, opt out.

Refusing to wear a poppy in these circumstances just seems churlish. What point is being made exactly?

A brief Google search should give you the answers as to why some people wouldn't want their children wearing a poppy. Are you English? Unfortunately it seems to be the way of some English to be so uneducated as to the "other" parts of the UK.

independencefreedom · 05/11/2024 17:52

Miffylou · 05/11/2024 16:55

I don’t see poppies as "misty-eyed glorification" at all. Just remembering people whose lives were cut short. Yes, millions of working class men slaughtered, in many cases unnecessarily - so are you saying it’s better if we just forget about them?

And out of interest: do you think WW2 was unnecessary fighting against the Germans was really just for the benefit of "rich men"? Should the UK just have let the Nazis invade and take over, then?

Edited

Can you not remember people who died in the world wars without wearing a poppy?
The British Legion have actually said they don't want people to be coerced into wearing a poppy.
British soldiers shot dead innocent civilians in Northern Ireland. David Cameron even made an official apology about it. If you were one of their loved ones, should you be encouraged to wear a poppy?

WongKarTie · 05/11/2024 17:53

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 05/11/2024 17:50

Mortified your child thinks for themselves, and understands the nuances of a complex subject?

Also, buying a poppy isn't the only way to show respect by any means.

No it's not but it is pretty well known that sporting events will commemorate Remembrance Sunday this weekend. That's part and parcel of being part of a sports team. If you have an issue with it, opt out.

Refusing to wear a poppy in these circumstances just seems churlish. What point is being made exactly?

It's not about making a point, it's about standing by your beliefs and being true to yourself.

I wasn't aware everyone in a sports team had to have the same moral and political views. Do you really think people should have to miss out on playing sports due to their personal beliefs?

Marblesbackagain · 05/11/2024 17:55

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 05/11/2024 17:50

Mortified your child thinks for themselves, and understands the nuances of a complex subject?

Also, buying a poppy isn't the only way to show respect by any means.

No it's not but it is pretty well known that sporting events will commemorate Remembrance Sunday this weekend. That's part and parcel of being part of a sports team. If you have an issue with it, opt out.

Refusing to wear a poppy in these circumstances just seems churlish. What point is being made exactly?

Your ignorance and lack of education is showing.

Mosalahiwoukd · 05/11/2024 17:58

sprigatito · 05/11/2024 16:56

Unbelievable that there are adults who have no idea of the grimy history of the British army's conduct, including against some of those it considers their own people. Why do you think the Union flag is referred to as "the butcher's apron" in parts of NI?

Paratroopers in particular are tainted with their reputation for shooting civilians in the back.

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 05/11/2024 17:59

I wasn't aware everyone in a sports team had to have the same moral and political views. Do you really think people should have to miss out on playing sports due to their personal beliefs?

That's up to the individual.
If your team is involved in something you don't agree with you have a choice. Opt in and be part of the team or opt out.

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 05/11/2024 17:59

Your ignorance and lack of education is showing

Thanks 👍🏻

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