Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it appropriate to have your teenagers friends on snapchat

45 replies

Rubberducksallround · 05/11/2024 08:49

Genuinely not sure if I'm being unreasonable here, but this situation has given me the ick and I can't quite articulate why.
Will try not to drip feed. Son plays team sports. He is in year 11. There is a big squad of 25 players and parents are heavily involved, not just in taking them to competitions and watching, but lots of parent social events too. Many of the players have been involved for several years, so the parents know each other quite well, and the usual team parent whatsapp is a hive of activity.
A few days ago one of the mums shared a screenshot from her Snapchat of a conversation she had with one of the players who is friendly with her son. The chat was innocent enough, basically her joking with him that he had eaten all of her food when he had been at her house. But I find it really creepy that she has essentially lots of 15 and 16 year old boys on Snapchat. I dont have any of my son's friends mobile numbers and it would never occur to me to message them. I wouldn't add them on my Instagram either I don't think, and I certainly wouldn't DM them. If I needed something I'd message their parent.
AIBU that this off and not appropriate?

OP posts:
boulevardofbrokendreamss · 05/11/2024 08:52

They've probably added her as a decoy to their second, third accounts so this is a clean account

Grepes · 05/11/2024 08:53

Sounds like you have different communication styles. What exactly do you find creepy about it? My friend’s mum would sometimes text me at that age. There wasn’t anything weird about it.

Original poster
Rubberducksallround · 05/11/2024 09:05

Grepes · 05/11/2024 08:53

Sounds like you have different communication styles. What exactly do you find creepy about it? My friend’s mum would sometimes text me at that age. There wasn’t anything weird about it.

We definitely have different styles, I totally accept that. I'm not a fan of Snapchat at all and I think that could be clouding my opinion. I think it's an effective tool for groomers and a problematic platform.
I think if the 15/16 year old was a girl and the parent was a single dad, the ick would maybe be more obvious. (It's not actually a reverse btw)

OP posts:
TinySaltLick · 05/11/2024 09:08

I think you are underestimating the 16 year olds here - there is no way they are sharing sensitive material on an account they have parents following - they would be extremely aware who is seeing it

TinySaltLick · 05/11/2024 09:09

Equally, the teenagers of today tend to communicate more heavily through social media platforms and not WhatsApp for instance - which is increasingly seen as being dated and used by old people, as happened to Facebook over a decade ago

Ablondiebutagoody · 05/11/2024 09:10

Grooming

BabyCloud · 05/11/2024 09:12

My daughter is 15 and I have her best friend on my Snapchat (Which I only have as another way to contact her/see her location). He added me as a back up incase I’m needed to be contacted for any reason. The only time it’s used is when my daughter is out with him and her phone has died she uses his to contact me. Occasionally he will text me to check she is OK/Got home safely if he can’t get an answer from her.

The situation you describe sounds like it’s over stepping boundaries.

HealthyLiquorice · 05/11/2024 09:13

I have a few of my teenage daughters friends on snapchat. This is in case her phone dies when she is out, I can contact them instead. I have them on snapchat, rather than having their numbers, as this is the way teenagers communicate I find. if I had a son, rather than a daughter, I would do the same, so not creepy in my opinion.

BabyCloud · 05/11/2024 09:14

TinySaltLick · 05/11/2024 09:08

I think you are underestimating the 16 year olds here - there is no way they are sharing sensitive material on an account they have parents following - they would be extremely aware who is seeing it

You would be surprised. I’ve noticed my teenagers friends all have private stories aswell as their standard ones. Snapchat is a sneaky app.

I find it more odd that’s she’s sharing the chats like ‘Oh look how cool and fun I am having banter with a child’.

Amyknows · 05/11/2024 09:16

Yanbu, a dad doing the same with a group of girls would be viewed differently on here. It's a woman so totally fine.

SallyWD · 05/11/2024 09:19

My daughter is friends with her best friend's mum on Snapchat. I never thought it was weird.
However, there are definitely certain types of parents who want to be down with the kids.
I remember an ex boyfriends mum was always hanging out with his mates, she'd get drunk with them. I did think it was a bit inappropriate.

umberellaonesie · 05/11/2024 09:20

The club should have a safeguarding policy relating specifically to social media communications. Communications relating to fixtures and coaching should be through official channels and no informal communication used for official club business.
So maybe not appropriate but personal communication is just that. Up to parents to support and police appropriate social media use.

Ablondiebutagoody · 05/11/2024 09:23

Grooming

Christwosheds · 05/11/2024 09:31

HealthyLiquorice · 05/11/2024 09:13

I have a few of my teenage daughters friends on snapchat. This is in case her phone dies when she is out, I can contact them instead. I have them on snapchat, rather than having their numbers, as this is the way teenagers communicate I find. if I had a son, rather than a daughter, I would do the same, so not creepy in my opinion.

Agree with this.
I don’t use Snapchat, but I have a few of the closest friends of both dds as followers on Instagram who I follow back. My daughters are older, 19 and 17, one at university one in the last year of school. In an emergency it helps to have friends contact details, but also I get on with their friends generally, they come and stay so I know them well.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 05/11/2024 09:31

I don't use Snapchat but I have the numbers of several of dd's friends (both male and female), and also her boyfriend. She's an adult now, but I've had some of the numbers for years. I know that some of the other parents have dd's number as well. We've always regarded it as an extra safety thing, e.g. when dd's friend lost his mobile one time, dd was able to text his mum and explain why they were running late etc.

I don't engage in general chat with dd's friends but might send them a happy birthday message or congratulations on something etc. A number of dd's friends' parents message her with similar stuff. And I know that one of dd's friends' mums likes to message her about random stuff on Instagram as well. DD finds that quite unusual but also quite sweet.

I do understand the potential cause for concern here, but I also find it quite sad that we're so paranoid now about what is probably just a woman being friendly towards her dc's friends.

TheGreatScotchEggControversy · 05/11/2024 09:36

I agree, direct chatting messages with your children's friends is overstepping.

Having snapchat as contacts is fine, but general chatting is overstepping .

And the problem is, this mum is probably fine, but it normalises inappropriate communication with adults

SallyWD · 05/11/2024 11:48

If it was a dad chatting to his teenage daughter's friends on Snapchat, people would think it's very inappropriate.
It's probably harmless, but I think she should stop.

Cornecopia · 05/11/2024 11:51

When I had Snapchat I did have my sons 2 best friends on there. But mainly because that’s how they communicate, my son is terrible at having his phone on silent etc,
and there has been an occasion where he has come home well past his curfew! if I need to get hold of him when he’s out and about it’s reassuring to know I have his friends contact info.
however I don’t have Snapchat anymore but I do have his closest friends contact numbers

Cornecopia · 05/11/2024 11:53

Oh and just to add I would never message them to chat etc. it would
be strictly hello I’m trying to get hold of ds can you ask him to contact me please.

TheSilkWorm · 05/11/2024 11:57

I only have my DS on Snapchat but lots of his friends have tried adding me. They seem to think it's normal. They like having as many followers as they can. DS does have a few parents on his which I don't mind but I did find it super weird when one of the mums was doing snap streaks with him and sending selfies. However I know it wasn't specifically to him, but all her contacts, but it's the kind of thing the teenagers do so I found it quite pathetic TBH. In fact DS has recently given up all his snap streaks as he's decided it's pointless so if a 16 year old has grown out of something...

MumOfOneAllAlone · 05/11/2024 12:44

I find it weird x

snowlady4 · 05/11/2024 12:50

Could it be a generational difference?
I'm in my 40s- so didn't have social media, but did have mobile phones. Would not have dreamed of communicating with a friends parents. Them answering the house phone was more than enough for me.
Young people today are different to how we were. In some ways their communication is much better I think. In others, not so much.
I do wonder what the feeling would be if it was a dad snapchatting with a daughters friends. Innocent enough?- maybe. But enough to also give me the creeps. As a parent, or just as an adult, I wouldn't want to put myself in this position, so wouldn't have children on my social media. (Exception is possibly own family.)

AndYaKnowAndYaKnow · 05/11/2024 12:54

I have all my sons friends on insta. They are blocked from seeing my stories though cos apparently I'm "cringe". I only ever message them if I know he's with them and his phones dead or he hasn't replied

KrisAkabusi · 05/11/2024 12:55

I dont have any of my son's friends mobile numbers and it would never occur to me to message them

You don't need to have any of their numbers. If you have snapchat they all get automatically added within the app as friends of friends. I have snapchat, but only so that my son knows that I can see what he is posting. I've never posted anything myself, or looked at anyone else's snaps. I still get multiple notifications a day that his friends have posted stuff.

FupaTrooper · 05/11/2024 12:58

I know kids that age who say WhatsApp and FB etc are "lame" and talk to everyone through Snap.

It used to be for groomers and cheats but in the last two years or so it's been picked up by a new generation because Snap has contracts with a lot of Youtubers now. It's kind of become more mainstream and teen friendly.

I do agree though that if the genders were reversed it would raise a red flag, but also men are more likely to be sexual predators... So there's a reason for that.

I don't think she would be so open about sharing she's doing it if she had bad intentions, but you never know and it doesn't hurt to trust your instincts and keep an eye out