Is it appropriate to have your teenagers friends on snapchat

[Rubberducksallround]

Genuinely not sure if I'm being unreasonable here, but this situation has given me the ick and I can't quite articulate why.
Will try not to drip feed. Son plays team sports. He is in year 11. There is a big squad of 25 players and parents are heavily involved, not just in taking them to competitions and watching, but lots of parent social events too. Many of the players have been involved for several years, so the parents know each other quite well, and the usual team parent whatsapp is a hive of activity.
A few days ago one of the mums shared a screenshot from her Snapchat of a conversation she had with one of the players who is friendly with her son. The chat was innocent enough, basically her joking with him that he had eaten all of her food when he had been at her house. But I find it really creepy that she has essentially lots of 15 and 16 year old boys on Snapchat. I dont have any of my son's friends mobile numbers and it would never occur to me to message them. I wouldn't add them on my Instagram either I don't think, and I certainly wouldn't DM them. If I needed something I'd message their parent.
AIBU that this off and not appropriate?

100% not appropriate and I would those people saying it's fine are of a much younger generation than I am.

Isn't the whole point of Snapchat that the messages vanish after a short time? Her motivations are probably totally innocent but it seems an unnecessarily inappropriate way to to communicating with other people's children. Text or calla maybe, but not for casual chat, I'd expect mostly to go through parents. It's shitty boundaries, I'm pretty sure if it was a dad snap chatting 16y/o girls to have jokey chats then less posters would be ok with it.
There should be boundaries on how adults interact with unrelated teens, this crosses them imo.

I have my daughter (14 ) and some of her friends on Snapchat- it's the way teenager's communicate now so surely that's a good thing to keep communication open? My daughter sometimes didn't respond to texts but always was on Snapchat so joined and now I regularity check her on this if she's out etc and she responds well as that's the communication teens use. I don't see a problem.

Luckily, Snapchat is one of those apps that tells the other person that a conversation has been screenshot so the other teen should know to have multiple accounts that the adults don’t know about. It is very creepy to communicate like that for non-emergency purposes. By emergency I mean stuff like “your child is ill —drunk— and needs picking up” is obviously necessary.
If I had to communicate with a teen then I’d add my child or the teen’s parent (if I knew them from primary) so that there’s a proper trail. I’m most likely to ask my child to pass on a message and I think my child would prefer that too.

I don't add under 18s to my social media account, I was a teacher it's an absolute no-no and opens you up for all sorts.

DDs friends and their parents are all on one WhatsApp group which makes it really easy to organise things or know where the girls are and everyone gets the same information for sleepovers etc but I would never converse 1:1 with them online.

I have my daughters friends on Snapchat and we sometimes message. For some of them I am like an aunt. I

Creepy Aunt

Maybe I would rather live in a world where people look out for each other and support each other including teenagers who sometimes want support form someone other than a parent.
It's a sad world where everyone is so living in their own little world.
I think those who feel this sort of contact is creepy it probably says more about them and how they are

Totally inappropriate. An adult should have the common sense not to message a teenager on a platform which deletes messages in case they were to be accused of anything.

I wouldn’t be happy about this at all.

Honestly don’t see a problem with it at all. It’s a form of communication and no different from WhatsApp or texting, it’s the modern way of communicating. I have to say I have some of my sons friends on Facebook and some of my daughters my son is 17 and my daughter 15. I’ve never friend requested but I have accepted their friend requests. Same on Snapchat but I don’t actually use it (I don’t like how when you open the app it automatically has the camera view on my face highlighting my double chins 🙈😂) but if my daughters or sons phone has ever died while out with their mates they can get in touch with me.

really think you are reading to much into it and coming across as a little judgey

When I was around that age, or maybe a bit younger, I used to write letters to my best friend's mum and dad! It was mostly about music and films - I liked a lot of older stuff that they were also into.

I am a woman and I definitely don’t think this is ok either. It’s weird. It might not be sinister weird, but it’s definitely off. Boundaries between adults and kids exist for a reason. Any adult who wants to bulldoze those boundaries has questionable morals imho.

I don’t think it’s creepy, my daughter’s friends mum referred to my daughter as her friend, I thought that was weird but not creepy (got me thinking maybe some sort of additional need).
I think it’s a good idea having your children’s friends numbers and Snapchat for location encase of emergency.

I work in secondary and under no circumstances are we to communicate with students via SM and for 2 years after they have left.

There's a reason behind that.

Kids (and yes year 11s included) will try to share all sorts of stuff on SM, including mums and their messages and pictures etc.

I also have 3 teenagers myself.
Innocent messages can turn bad very quickly.

Really interesting conversation and it's a shame the world is such a dark place that it just doesn't sit well. I don't know if it's because they're boys and if it would be equally weird if she had a daughter.

I have Snapchat purely for the filters. When DD was smaller we would have some fun with them and now she uses it as her main communication method. Her closest group of friends have added me on there and instagram - assume it's more for their numbers so they look popular than having any interest in me. I don't post so I haven't hidden anything but I assume they have. They added her dad on fb but he didn't accept. All of the other mums have them too.

Just been speaking to her dad about this and he says Snapchat has a bad rep and if you're contacting them it should be their phone number as less dodgy. He doesn't even have Snapchat.

I only speak to DDs friends when her battery has run out and I can't contact her. I had some of their numbers when it first started to happen but as it's easy to find someone on Snapchat it moved to there. They also regularly use her phone or mine to contact their parents so the details do just get picked up over time.

There's nothing inherently wrong with messaging your kids mates who have been close for years, probably stayed at your house a lot and you've fed them etc but it is odd/not quite right. I suppose it could be seen as really friendly but I wouldn't know about that 😂

I don't see the problem. I have my kids closest friend on discord, they invited me to be connected to them, I did not initiate it. They are all in and out of my house, and also invited me to take part in their d and d games although they are older teens (only one is not yet 18). My daughter's best friend has had my telephone number and I hers for years, and she calls me her second mum. The others also call me mum, and have come to me with problems over the years, so I just look at it as-it takes a village.

No it's not appropriate for an adult to be on Snapchat at all. 😅

I have a few of DS16 and DS14 phone numbers but I wouldn't add them on Snapchat, no need. They do come up as suggestions all the time though. Any messages via WhatsApp etc would be purely organisational.

However I think most of y12 at school follow me on Instagram 🤣, I have a substantial following in the fitness field. I don't follow any of them back..

Snapchat is the most efficient way to get a prompt answer from my teens!

I personally think it's completely inappropriate and unnecessary!