To block my brother on FB?

[Oodiks]

The last time we spoke was in 2017 at a Thanksgiving meal at my mum's house. He got drunk and mad at me and my (now ex) husband after the guests had left and ended up screaming at my mum in the wee small hours triggering my daughter's trichotillomania.

There was some back and forth over email and he said he needed a break from me. To be honest, I was relieved by this as I'd spent too many years brushing his outrageous behavior under the carpet because my mum insisted on 'family' events.

Since then I’ve moved to the States and only visited the UK a couple of times. We have not met. Every now and then he picks up the phone when I call my mum, I ask how he is, he says, “I’ll get mum”…

Now, suddenly he’s tagging me on FB to restart old arguments about the Israel/Palestine issue and whether his insistent questioning of my Jewish ex husband over related issues was or was not antisemitic.

Should I just block him?

YABU - don’t block him
YANBU - block him

Blood isn’t always thicker than water. Block, move on and enjoy your life.

What a terrible way to reconnect with you.

He sounds deranged, block!

TBH I'll probably just unfriend him and block him if he carries on harrassing me.

At best he's incredibly tiresome. At worst, a nasty piece of work.

He's the type that blocking was invented for.

Absolutely no reason to treat him differently because he's your brother. If the behaviour is bothering you, block him. The relationship already seems to be gone.

On the other hand, will it be helpful for you to see what he's saying in case you need to act or clarify anything? Remember you can set up Facebook to notify you if you're tagged in anything and ask you to approve it before the tag takes effect and let's it be seen by your own friends. Doesn't stop him from mentioning you in his posts and his own friends/mutuals seeing it but he'll be able to do that whether he's blocked or not. Just a thought. But if you don't care and you'd rather just not see it, absolutely get rid.

Thanks, I think I'd rather know what he's saying than not.

Also, I've been blocked by a few people (for not believing males can become female, views on Israel/Palestine, views on Trump(!), and by my ex-husband) and I hate the way it distorts exchanges with mutual friends, so I don't really want to inflict that on either of us.

It's only Facebook. No one uses it anymore anyway. Set your profile up so that you have to approve things you are tagged in before they appear on your wall. Then forget about it.

There will come a time in the future, when your parent(s) die(s), that you will have to communicate with each other. So keep channels open even if only in the slightest way. Which Facebook is

Well, he's taken it up a notch by sending me a long accusatory email telling me he wants to be friends, but I have to respect him, agree with his version of past events, and understand that his opinions on Israel/Palestine are superior because he's 4 years older than me!

So, not blocking, just muting the arsehole while I think of how to respond to his email

By staying open you're letting the drama in. You're engaging and part of it.

If you weren't here wondering about his drama, chances are that youd be happy and doing something pleasant instead.

Fun fact the actual saying is 'the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb' meaning that the friends we choose are sometimes better than our family.

I agree though op life is too short to waste it on people who don't serve you.

So, it's my fault he's suddenly decided to start attacking me on FB? I've been fine without knowing any of his drama, but he's brought it to me.

It would be easier if he weren't family because I know how much it pains my mother that we don't get on. No use talking to her about it though, she once said, of an argument we were having, "I've heard his side, and I don't want to get in the middle, so I don't want to hear yours." 😶

He does sound a royal pain in the arse.

I'd not reply to the email, or else keep it as bald as possible,

"Hi Mike,

Thanks for your message. It would certainly please our mother if we were on speaking terms again.

Merry Christmas.

Anna."

I wrote a long and comprehensive response to his email, but may actually send something along these lines 😊

He's obviously determined to engage you on these points so unless you are happy to continue arguments from years ago I would just not bother responding. Silence is power. Be indifferent to him.

Your missing the point. It's not your fault that he's an arse but you have full control to stop engaging and make your life better.

The way i see it is that if you blocked him, you wouldn't even get notifications so you're choosing to let the drama in.

You seem to see it as a win/lose where you have to win. Its not making you happy though. Or is it? Because you're engaging in it over and over.

You clearly hate each other and barely speak unless it's to have an argument. I really don't know why you would be in contact with one another at all. Tell him you want nothing more to do with him, and move on. You're not obliged to be in touch with him.

He's my brother, I would like us to have a better relationship.

I guess the thing that bothers me is that my mum lives in Wiltshire, my brother lives in London, and I live in the US, so he's my only real contact if anything were to happen to my mum and she is getting on. I'd like to think that he'd contact me if anything happened, and at the moment, I'm not sure he would.

Good god, she's missing the point, ?? Says who, you??I must be missing it too because I don't see her engaging at all, she's clearly stressed.

You can’t force a better relationship. He’s made his intentions clear and your dc is half Jewish. Just why would you reconnect. Your previous post indicates that your dm sides with him and he’s the golden child. I wouldn’t want to be pleasing her either.

Well obviously me, you've quoted me 🙄

Should I block him? Yes.
OK I'll just mute him so i can still see everything if i choose to and wrote a really long reply to his email, which I'll then sit on stewing before sending.

Yeah, show me where she isn't engaging.

I wonder if she's told him to reach out.
And he in his twisted way has indeed done that - but in such a way that you will retaliate and he can then tell your mum he tries but you were a bitch.

So I'd not play into that.

As a pp said, a brief message mentioning it would be nice for your mum if you could be friends would suffice.

He can't use that against you.

Thanks, it is stressing me out. He emailed me while staying with my mum and I'm concerned about his mental state as he hasn't attempted communication in years.