To be worried about son's friend?

[dani9223]

My son aged 8 has a good friend from school, lets call him Tom (not his real name).
Tom comes over to play at ours a couple of times a week and is a really nice boy, very good manners and always respectful. My concern is that, each time Tom comes, he makes a beeline to the kitchen and asks for something to eat. Tells me he's hungry every time he comes to our house. As he's such a sweet and nice boy who never forgets his manners, I don't mind feeding him. I'd never see a child go hungry but I'm just concerned that he's always hungry when he comes to ours. I don't really know his mum well enough to say anything. Do I mention it to school or anything?

If it’s at more or less the same time of day each time then it just sounds like he’s a growing boy and it’s his routine - i.e. straight after school. But if it’s at differing times of the day/week then I would mention it to his mum, I don’t think there should be a barrier because you’re not a friend of hers. You could frame it by saying: “Tom tends to say he is hungry when he visits us to play, I’m just checking with you that you’re happy for us to feed him and are there any foods to avoid…” that opens up the conversation. Also I would worry a bit about allergies/food restrictions these days and would want to make sure I wasn’t feeding him anything I shouldn’t. I think you should speak to the mum instead of the school first as feels a bit like going behind her back if you could just contact the mum. Also you haven’t said if he’s looking very tired or underweight which is a different thing as well.

Is this going to be a drip feed where there are other signs of neglect? I think it would be very odd to contact the school over a child having a big appetite. Also, I wouldn't be feeding a kid this young without checking with his mum if he had any allergies etc.

It's not unusual for kids to be hungry, they are growing fast and need the energy. Why would you tell the school?

Does he look underweight? Are there other signs of neglect?

My Son’s friend does this. He opens our fridge, always takes fruit from the bowl and whinges the whole time about being hungry. He is well fed at home and his parents are very wealthy, never let him have McDonald’s and grow their own veg. He is not remotely neglected but always makes out he’s some impoverished wee soul - he isn’t.

My 8 year old boy is constantly hungry no matter what he eats! He’s skinny as a rake and tall so I put it down to growing.

My 8 year old boy is ALWAYS hungry. He is constantly on the move and burning energy. I would hate for anyone to think I neglected him. Unless there are other signs of neglect, then I would say that he’s pretty typical for his age. The first poster who replied nailed what I would say to his parents. I’d bring it up just to check that they are happy for you to give food and check what to avoid. If parents have made a meal for when he returns home and he’s not eating it because he’s filled himself up at yours then they may want you to give him less etc.

I mean, most kids I know are famished after school. I usually provide an after school snack for visiting kids. Is something else making you feel he's under fed?

Lots of kids of that age are ravenous after school.

Any other concerns? Is he underweight ? clean clothes/body?

My son was always hungry afterschool at that age. I don't think it's a concern personally. I would be checking with the parent (so it didn't spoil main meals). Or they might prefer to provide snacks. I normally say I have got xyz for afterschool. I always provide snacks for my children's friends when they visit. They are always hungry 😅

Unless there are other concerns, then this is very normal.

Both my boys, especially my youngest skinny bean pole, get hungry after school! Youngest goes straight for the cereal when he gets in from school. When his friend comes over they have a snack when they arrive from school, then dinner, and then both of them pester me for more food!

Growing boys!

Kids tend to do this at other people's houses as it's common to give guests more treats than normal at home.

If not for the fact that I do let my son have McDonald's I would fear this was him 😬.

Some children are just remorseless eating machines. If he looks alright, he's probably just one of those.

Edit: oh and the part about being wealthy - that definitely rules us out.

(slight de-rail, but why does he come to yours a couple of times a week if you don't know the mum very well?)

I think you're reading too much into it.

If I was picking kids up after school, I'd be feeding them in the playground. Wouldn't even make it home without food - and I think we are in the majority. Look around the playground at school and see if his parents normally give him a snack after school - you may find they are, and you are not

Unless there are signs of neglect I wouldn't be concerned. He is just being cheeky / rude.

A snack after school is pretty normal. However, if your spider senses are tingling then yes you should mention it to the school. Nothing will happen because of that alone but multiple reports from multiple sources (if there were to be any) would allow the school to build up a picture and help spot any problem. The first rule of safeguarding is never to ignore any concern.

As other said unless there is other signs of neglect I would say it’s standard 8yr old behaviour. My 8yr old son eats like a horse.

My 8 year old daughter is like a stray cat round food. Tbf school dinners are fairly small portions.

Straight after school? In my experience kids are really hungry after school.

You might have food he doesn't get at home, or he might not be allowed at home.

I would maybe approach the mother and just say he sometimes eats at ours and I just wanted to check he has no allergies or intolerances you should be aware of. Or if there are any certain foods he is not allowed to eat, they might be vegan or veggie or something

He probably feels disadvantaged seeing everyone else he knows eating McDonald's and chocolate while he cries into his carrots. I would.

I wouldn’t be concerned some kids are always hungry some are not. My son is 7 and never really wants to eat its like a chore and im always actively encouraging him whereas my 5 yo niece doesn’t ever get full always says she is hungry especially in someone else’s hone where she knows theres going to be different foods and snacks to what my sister buys

I've known tonnes of kids like this over the years.

They just want something 'different' to what they get at home most of the time.

My cat does the same thing.

Six Dinner Sid has nothing on him.

An assumption on your part because his parents are wealthy & they grow their own veg, you need to look the Franke children in the US she & the other systemically starved & tortured them. They were wealthy & religious zealots.