Please tell me I'm not alone

[Mememoo]

Hi all, not sure what I want from this really I'm more curious but I suppose also want to know (hoping) I'm not the only one, and any advice is always welcome too. Everytime i search zero sleep with newborn i get threads come up with mums complaining about lack of sleep because all they get is 2-6hr stretches a night. When I say im getting no sleep I literally mean NO sleep (unless u count my head bobbing and having to jump up because I've dozed off holding baby on the SOFA I knowww u can't make me feel worse hold the mum shaming PLEASE 🙏 !!! so basically my baby is 4 weeks old he sleeps pretty much allday in his moses basket, other than waking to eat (he eats alot he never lost weight after birth) probably every hour but goes straight back to sleep after but come nightime he'll still sleep but wont be put down in his moses basket he literally just wants to be held constant and everytime i try he will wake up within 10mins max and only settle if I feed him again so I literally get zero sleep. He eventually settles down and allows himself to be put down around 6am (sometimes) which is not long before my toddler (21months) wakes up for the day?! Anyone else gone through this? How did u cope (I don't have a village to help) what r some quiet activities i can do to keep myself awake whilst holding baby? If it helps... Hes combination fed and IM NOT and will NOT co sleep. Hes my 3rd. Norn by C section .Thanks in advance sorry for long post 🤪

Thanks everyone me and dh are back doing shifts! Now gotta wait for bubs to sleep at night and be awake allday instead nit allowing me to get any chores done or spend time with toddler
..I'll be back here then knowing my luck he'll probably hate the buggy too haha

Speak to a paramedic before you choose to co sleep. Please.
I think you should lie down with your baby in a next to you type cot whilst your toddler has a nap too. Say 2 hrs
Your OH needs to take over when he comes inside you can get a few hours. 6-10 you could get another 4 hrs.
Gradually try to shift baby's sleep until he is sleeping at night.

One of our babies was nocturnal, took 7 weeks to flip their night and day but once we did they were a brilliant night time sleeper so there is hope!
Spent lots of time trying to wake baby in the day, baths, noise, light etc. Then everything overnight dark and quiet. Eventually they caught on and their circadian rhythm did the rest.

Literally this.
For everyone's safety please research how to safely cosleep.

Definitely keep with the shifts but make sure to start them around 6.30pm or as soon as partner is in from work to maximise the amount of sleep you both get. I wouod do you: 6.30-12.30 then partner after that and it means you both get a good block of sleep

But OP has said the baby won’t be put down - so the baby can’t/won’t go in a next to me cot.

I’ve had 3 babies and with ALL of them I kept them downstairs all lights on until 11pm from 8pm. Played. Under a light show, watching the fire and at 10 warm bath, all wrapped up and a big feed (usually expressed milk in a bottle) burped cuddled and transferred to the next to me. If they cried I would keep popping the dummy in and go close beside them, stroke their head and tummy and white noise on. Would usually get until 2/3am then quick change, feed burp and down again. Dim sunlights and warm room. No messing around just the necessities. Babies need to learn the skill of sleeping. Of course they want to be held but for you to function that is just not practicable. You really matter too. You are responsible for three lives not just the newborn

And people have said what they did - co-sleeping and sending toddlers to nursery.

I agree that you're making something that's already hard, even harder, but if course your family, your choices. If you're just here to vent, that's fine!

I remember during our NCT classes it was mentioned that some babies didn't naturally recognise day/nights patterns. Could this the case? I would say that the 'norm' is usually being able to put down baby at night, but not during the day.
I think the recommendation was to try keep them awake / distracted during the day in a noisy environment so they get as much light exposure as possible, and in a dark/quiet environment at nights to create a contrast.

Safe co sleeping is your friend here
Gawd I remember those days. Absolutely nightmare
Co sleeping at night
And day time naps are what you need!
Good luck.

Also, co sleeping isn't for everyone.

But nursery/childminder/pre-school for your toddler a few hours a week would make a huge difference for you I think. You should really consider it, for your health if not anything else.

Reading the OP I immediately thought he has day/night confused. You say he's sleeping all day in his moses basket and just waking to feed, so it's not that he will only sleep on you, he's just confused and having his deeper sleep during the day time. I don't think co sleeping will solve that, you need to try to keep him awake more in the day. A quick Google says to aim for wake windows of 30-90 minutes at 4 weeks old. So when he wakes, try to keep him up for say 45 minutes with lots of noise and light, do a bit of tummy time as well. Then at night time keep lights dim and noise to a minimum with no playing. Wake him up in the morning when your toddler wakes and hopefully he'll start to shift his sleeping pattern to do his longer sleep at night instead. Good luck!

@U13579

Could you really go to sleep at 6.30???

I can't, no matter how bone shatteringly exhausted I am.

people often suggest this (but more like 8.30) & I think, in theory, it's a good idea, but I couldn't do it.

I was beyond myself a couple of weeks ago & gave it another go. I went to bed at 9, but from 10.30 on I didn't really sleep all night. It's so annoying.

Yes he's defo mixed up with day and night but when I asked my midwife and h.v if I could wake him up and try keep him awake in the day she said no he's too young I just have to wait and he will work it out himself, what's the harm if i just do it not exactly sure why she said not too