Separated and now not sure how to manage this financial situation?

[BRre]

Me and DP separated last year. A good summary of why would be that he was an absolute workaholic. Since we separated he has actually spent more time with DS 7 than when we were together.

Ds is in his second year at a private school that he absolutely loves. It really works for me too as the days are 8-5 and then can stay an extra hour if needed. We’ve been really happy with the school and the arrangement has always been since we separated that we pay 50% fees each and then ex pays me 850 a month which is what he would pay if I went to cms. We are generally amicable so I don’t feel the need to go to cms and hes also paid for clothes etc and bedding if I’ve asked, for instance.

so basically things have been ok. However since the introduction of vat I feel so stressed. I know it’s a small percentage in the grand scheme of things and that I’m only paying half the fees anyway but I keep thinking that this is essentially going to use every penny of my savings until he finishes school (I’ve got around 156k left for my half of the remaining 10 year).

Now I am single and can’t imagine I will ever meet anyone else, all is ok while I’m working but you start thinking of all the worst case scenarios don’t you? I am so stressed. I’ve been honest with ex but he’s basically said he can’t and won’t pay more as he’s already paying half and then 850 to me a month and he has to be honest and fair to me that if I can’t do my share as we always agreed then ds will simply have to leave.

i don’t know what to do. I don’t know if it’s better to take him out now while he’s still young, so he can make new friends asap? Would I be making a huge mistake? My family think ex would stump up the last couple of years if down the line I literally couldn’t pay but obviously I don’t want to bank on that and the stress will never disappear. That said, if I was being positive about things I guess I could say all will be well and I’m just being too cautious? Ex thinks I am thinking negatively and there’s no reason to think we can’t manage this as planned.

I don’t know what to do and feel like it’s all on me to decide. It’s been so unsettling separating so I don’t know if that is affecting my view.

Can you get some sort of insurance, either specifically for school fees (I don’t know if that’s a thing) or if not some income protection?
With regards to savings, I guess that was a choice you made when you enrolled him in private school.
Any chance of promotion, salary increases in the next few years?

I think if you have the funds in the bank now I’d leave him there. If he has to move to state for A-levels because you get through it quicker than expected, that wouldn’t be a disaster. It’s a natural point to move and lots do. Can you definitely get him through GCSE’s? If so, I’d reassess for 6th form.

@Futurethinking2026 im not likely to earn more than 3.5k after tax realistically. I do have a low mortgage (500) but obviously when you’re on your own it makes things feel much bigger

@edwinbear i think I can keep the money for him and even if I had to go part time or take a pay cut we could get by. It just feels different when doing it alone. I don’t know why, just more risky I suppose

So you habe 4350 a month coming in after child maintenance and only a 500 mortgage and yoh don’t want to pay 50 percent of the school fees? So how much of the 3850 a month you habe to play with do you need to spend on the fees?

@Relaxedandchilled nothing at the moment as I take it from savings. I’m just saying now I am on my own the whole thing makes me feel really daunted as circumstances can always change can’t they

I understand OP, mine are also at PS and the VAT is a big worry. It’s the constant stress of possible ill health and redundancy hanging over you. You have two natural break points, heading into Y7 and then into Y12. I’d aim to get to Y7 first and see how things are first. Is there any chance of an academic/sport/art/drama/music scholarship for Y7? They maybe only 10-15% but would offset the VAT.

Fees are 26k a year including vat but obviously will go up

Are you seriously going to take him out of private school for what’s probably only another £344 a month total? (Your share would be half of that). Honestly I would just tell the school to take 50% of the fees directly from DH and 50% directly from you (don’t take the cash from him) as that will force him to take on the VAT burden. It’s literally only £170 each extra a month - you both should be able to handle that.

Are you sure? If you’re paying £850 each then the base fee is 20k and your vat would make it £24k total.

You have already made the commitment to send your ds to private school, you have savings to fund it and a decent income. A huge life change like a separation is bound to make you feel unsettled and worried about the future, but it sounds like it would be very drastic and completely unnecessary to move your child out of a school he’s happy in.

@CocoDC sorry I don’t understand your calculations… im more worried that now im
on my own should I really be paying for this at all, I am nervous about it

Ok then if circumstances change take him out, don’t do it now, you’re all happy.

@SometimesCalmPerson yes this is my instinct but at the same time he’s only 7 now so I feel like if he is going to have to move then it’s kinder to do it now than when he’s fully used to it

Hi, if helpful rule of thumb use to allay financial worries or to help plan for next steps. Model 10-15% increase to your day to day costs (eg unexpected costs, cost of living increases etc). What does your budget for next 2-3 years look like - can it accommodate? How long in mortgage left til has to renew? You don’t say how old you are but imagine you are able to put money away for pension and other investments already calculated into spending? Forgot the Vat rise for a second, paying for PS fees are you saving and putting money aside for all of your futures? Pending where you work if in public set or unions have agreed to a 2.5% pay rise and backdated to April. If so you’ll get a lil bump. If you took your son out of school would you need to pay for any child care costs? Are there schools in your catchment that have space and are good for him to go to? There’s both pros and cons of state and public schools. The job you’re in - it’s possible you may wish to seek new employment and gain a pay bump in process in coming year or so, which could alleviate your worries. In short, I’d do a bit of modeling as above, give yourself a year to do the prep to find and seek new higher paying work (aka meet the peope in companies you want to work and get to know them, put yourself in prime position etc), research local schools - assess all the above and that informs your next steps

But he might never have to move so it’s not kind at all.

@CocoDC sorry no we pay half each a year so 13k each and then ex pays 850 a month to me as ds lives with me

@Anna808 I’ve been doing the out of hours/wraparound calculations if he was in state and it’s still massively less than being in private. I have always paid into a pension but my earnings are unlikely to go above 3.5k a month now.

@Anna808 and I’m 40

If you can't afford an extra £216 a month you probably can't afford for your child to be in private school.

@Renlou its not the issue the issue is I feel daunted by it as I am now on my own

I would take him out asap. Private school is a luxury you can't afford on one income. Don't burn through savings you'll need for your own security.

Hiya, I’d do the financial modeling, assess the local schools situation and also more generally start thinking about your next career move to earn more (Ps school or not PS school - always good to earn more ;). Once it’s all set out on a excel: budget and you’ve satisfied yourself with research, any decision you take will feel nicely robustly informed. If you decide to move schools it’s fine - he’ll adjust all kids do. A bonus will be he’ll have more experience of adapting, mixing with all kinds of kids and have broader life knowledge than Ps school - all traits really important. He’ll have pals from PS he can keep in contact with still etc - you may think taking him from 7-11 in state school and then back to public for A Levels to prime him for Uni. For eg. All sorts of ways to manage this. Good luck and hope you feel better soon

@BettyBardMacDonald yes that’s it, I feel like it’s removing my security

That kind of consistent and reliable child care is going to be expensive. Your budget comparison needs to be the current school vs reliable wrap-around care.

your ex may also balk at paying for child care on days that are not his.