Separated and now not sure how to manage this financial situation?

[BRre]

Me and DP separated last year. A good summary of why would be that he was an absolute workaholic. Since we separated he has actually spent more time with DS 7 than when we were together.

Ds is in his second year at a private school that he absolutely loves. It really works for me too as the days are 8-5 and then can stay an extra hour if needed. We’ve been really happy with the school and the arrangement has always been since we separated that we pay 50% fees each and then ex pays me 850 a month which is what he would pay if I went to cms. We are generally amicable so I don’t feel the need to go to cms and hes also paid for clothes etc and bedding if I’ve asked, for instance.

so basically things have been ok. However since the introduction of vat I feel so stressed. I know it’s a small percentage in the grand scheme of things and that I’m only paying half the fees anyway but I keep thinking that this is essentially going to use every penny of my savings until he finishes school (I’ve got around 156k left for my half of the remaining 10 year).

Now I am single and can’t imagine I will ever meet anyone else, all is ok while I’m working but you start thinking of all the worst case scenarios don’t you? I am so stressed. I’ve been honest with ex but he’s basically said he can’t and won’t pay more as he’s already paying half and then 850 to me a month and he has to be honest and fair to me that if I can’t do my share as we always agreed then ds will simply have to leave.

i don’t know what to do. I don’t know if it’s better to take him out now while he’s still young, so he can make new friends asap? Would I be making a huge mistake? My family think ex would stump up the last couple of years if down the line I literally couldn’t pay but obviously I don’t want to bank on that and the stress will never disappear. That said, if I was being positive about things I guess I could say all will be well and I’m just being too cautious? Ex thinks I am thinking negatively and there’s no reason to think we can’t manage this as planned.

I don’t know what to do and feel like it’s all on me to decide. It’s been so unsettling separating so I don’t know if that is affecting my view.

@BRre
To be fair this post can be put on by anyone that works to pay bills.

If anyone's circumstances change it would make financial life difficult.
Just keep saving your disposable income, you've a lot more there than anyone else.
You've at least 3 months to make a decision should the worst happen x

My maths isn’t brilliant, but I think you just need to invest it somewhere with an interest rate of 5%?

5% of 150k = 7500
/12 = 625.

There seems to be a few options out there with this sort of interest rates: https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/savings/savings-accounts-best-interest/

Maybe get some financial advice?

What is his salary like compared to yours? Honestly, unless he’s very wealthy I think arrangements like this are fraught anyway - if he meets someone else and has another 2 children, can’t afford them all in PS, what happens then? Etc.

I think I’d be inclined to move your son if I’m honest. Your CMS would drop if he moved in with someone with other children too, so if you’re that reliant on it all, I’m just not sure I would risk it. It’s far easier to move at a younger age.

Come off it. Op has maintenance of 10k a year, so in terms of cash she has to find 3k a year to keep him in school. With 156k jn savings, the interest is 6k minus tax. So there is more than enough to keep the child in private school without using any savings at all and with it not impacting at all on her income or savings.

She is well set, and there is no problem here.

Cash in the bank gives you and your DC way more options for a happy life than private school does. I’ve moved DC from private school to state and they were much happier due to better friendships alone.

The income protection insurance that someone mentioned up thread is a really good call and definitely something that you should look into in this situation.

You need to create a financial model projecting your potential income and expenditure over the next 10 years or so. I totally empathise OP. Not the same situation but DS has just started PS (age 10) and I spent a year in a spreadsheet working out if we could afford it plus send DD for secondary in 5 years time. I almost drove myself insane with the 'what ifs'. DH and I ate comfortable but not in the usual MN £300k a year PS bracket and things could easily go tits up for us. But this was important for us to do and we can't control the future. I do however feel like 'the spreadsheet' is a comfort blanket for me. I know it's all doable if we stick to my plan and having that plan all mapped out helps

see what your options are for after and before care locally before deciding.
It may be it’s cheaper and easier to keep private especially as your ex is paying half.