to want child maintenance?

[Kattherine]

My abusive ex-partner and a father of two children (10 and 12) wants me to cancel child maintenance. He doesn't pay me anything, children live with me. He said if I don't call the Child Maintenance Services he would not allow us to travel abroad which is quite a big thing for me as I don't have anyone here and normally travel back home twice a year, with the children. I know i will not get a pound from him anyway but it doesn't feel right to cancel my right to the maintenance. Especially as he cannot be trusted, he will still use the same threat in future even if I do now what he wants me to.
Thank you.

how often does he have them?

he has never paid a penny?

He's still using the children to abuse you.

You can take it to court about him not allowing the dc abroad and they will allow it.

How often does he see the kids? Does he just not work?

In reality, parents are v rarely challenged at the airport re: taking kids out of the country, especially if you all share the same surname so I would just carry on with your claim and completely ignore him

However, if you regularly take the DC away to visit family for short periods, let him challenge that in court. Very much doubt he will be successful. He's just trying to scare you

If he isn't paying anything I'm a bit unclear. If he is working ( not self employed) he can't hide his taxable income.

I appreciate you have to let CMS know he isn't paying what they have deduced he should.

If his threats are in writing make sure you keep hold of those for this going further. I agree this is further abuse.

What a rotter.

No, he has never. I think they are taking him to the court now, that's why he opened it up.

He has them whenever he wants to. Sometimes he's not in touch for a month or two, then he wants them every week. My daughrer doesn't usually go, she doesn't want to, but my son stays overnight. I do as he says to prevent any conflict. Waiting for court hearing regarding child arrangements.

You can get a special issue order from the court so you can take the children abroad. Set that up now as he has threatened to prevent you going abroad.

If you cancel the cm there's nothing stopping him from threatening the same everytime he wants something or just for the joy of controlling you. Take his leverage away.

Don't cancel the cm. How is he avoiding paying? Does he not have an income? Can you chase up with CMS?

Nah, he’s not going to take you to court if he can’t be arse to pay for his kids he’s not going to fork out for that, and if he does keep that message and say it’s blackmail. You’ll be fine taking your children away

Has he said this to you in person or via text/email? Absolutely do not cave in to his demands, all he will do is keep using the same threat to keep control of your life. Make sure all contact you have with him is recorded (use a parenting app or email). Go to court for the right to take them out of the country.

Once you have a court order showing the children live with you, you won't need his permission to take them abroad as long as it's not for more than four weeks at a time. So don't worry he has nothing over you.

He's self employed, doesn't work much. They are taking him to the court now. He sees them very irregularly, whenever it works for him.

please stop subjecting your children to him

He hasn't never paid since we broke up 1,5 year ago. They are taking him to the court but apparently his car was stolen the same week they went to see him, it was his only possession. I doubt I will ever see a pound from him.

he only owns a car? that’s it?

They are trying. But looks like he has nothing.
Thank you, I am waiting for the court hearing regarding child arrangements, I applied for Live With order so hopefully that will be granted.

I see. You're thinking, is it worth the stress and grief and the threats if there's nothing he has to pay with.

My only question would be, if he has nothing with which to pay, why is he threatening you to call them off.

I'm not sure how it works but I'd want absolute clarity from CMS as to what happens if it transpires he has absolutely nothing? So let's say he's on the minimum of benefits, what would happen? Also, how do they process or follow up missed payment/ money owed. What is the penalty.

They should absolutely be able to give you this information from a hypothetical perspective and it may better inform your decision. I've user CMS for years but fortunately never had to deal with not paying.

I doubt he'd try stop you taking the kids out the country. He sounds like he's trying to scare you.

Even if he's on the minimum benefits possible he will have to pay something. He cannot stop you from taking the children abroad so it's an empty threat. He's trying to control you through any means possible

Id absolutely pass on his threat though.

Seek a court order protecting your right to travel with your children and also seek a child maintenance agreement as part of it

He's going to look very silly if he tries to take you to court when he's not been paying for his own kids. CMS is based on income. He can afford it.

That's a good point. Thank you. I was over the phone on loud speaker, children heard it, but no proof really other than that.

Apparently not even that now. I am not doing too well financially but to be honest all I want is peace, him leaving us alone. The money I don't even hope for. That is a secondary thing now.

I wish it was that easy. I am not happy about him having them, he is quite unpredictable, drinks a lot... My son wants to go see him though. I am just hoping once I have the Live With order in place it will give me more control when it comes to manipulation.

Did he put that request in writing by text etc? If he has then you need to show the Courts/other professional services.

Thanks, I will call them and find out. I have no idea what would happen to him if he really has nothing. He said he was planning to file personal bancrupcy. I suppose he has some debts somewhere. Maybe even unpaid rent from our old house. He made us homeless by not paying his half and not telling me about it. so I really am not expecting much of him. I just wish, for the sake of the children, that he was not threatening and accussing me all the time. You're right, he probably is just trying to scare me and get rid of responsibility. I suggested to him to give up his parental responsibility. He wouldn't have to pay, I would be free, I could even move back home. But he wouldn't do that. Maybe that was a silly suggestion though but God I would be so happy.

Unfortunately not. It was a phone call, on a loud speaker though and the children heard everything.