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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this rubbish or normal? Re: birthday

61 replies

abonymousAnon · 03/11/2024 16:39

It’s my birthday today and I feel DH has made no effort. I got a card from the kids and I’ve been cleaning all morning, he hasn’t even planned anything or asked me. He usually takes kids to his mothers on Sunday but today they’re all at home with me. I told him I’m upset and he’s just gone for a walk now in a strop. My youngest is sleeping and eldest is watching tv and I’m sat here really upset. I could have had a lovely day if they had gone to his mothers as usual! I actually thought he had planned something as he never misses a day with his mum but looks like we’re not doing anything.

before I get the usual mumsnet - “we’ll did you actually ask him?”. I plan everything for everyone and give everyone lovely suprised on their birthday. really thought just once I would get the same treatment! His birthday for example is February and I’ve already planned a lovely day and meal out for just us

also he told me no one over age of 12 gets a cake as I told him he could have at least got a small cake for us to have at home even a cupcake. Is it really only 12 or under ego get a cake? I don’t know why I’m more upset than usual this year msybe as I thought kids were older and would mean more

OP posts:
CrushOnEminem · 03/11/2024 18:05

Honestly I never understand these posts. OP you have a far bigger problem than an ignored birthday. I'm sorry to say it but you have an asshole of a husband.

Why would he say / do that about the midterm trip? How had you no idea he wasn't planning it - do you not talk about dates / locations/ accommodation? That's all SO odd to me.

Why on earth are you planning & arranging his birthday next February when it's only just November?

And finally - I see we have the usual sorry lot chipping in with the 'cakes & birthdsys are only for kids etc' sure they are if you're happy to live a joyless life with mean gits who can't even be bothered to mark the day with a card & a cake

Meanwhile...in the real world that's not my experience of how loving couples & families celebrate whatsoever.

I'm in my 50s & with my dh almost 26 years & we love to spoil each other on birthdays & anniversaries. We love each other. We're glad to be together. Why would we not do lovely things for each other.

Even in years when dc were small & funds were tight we celebrated with cake & cards & flowers or small gifts & birthday dinner - sometimes at home but the birthday persons favourite or a takeaway or out in a restaurant.

OP have a think about what your marriage is really like. It doesn't sound like a happy one to me & I'm sorry about that for you & your dc. You can't fix this on your own. And you know that deep down.

I agree with the others. Stop cleaning. Stop waiting. Get cleaned up & take your dc out for tea - McDonald's/ pizza/ pub grub it doesn't matter. Make it fun & order cake for dessert. Leave him to sulk

Cancel the February plans & plan your own future. You're worth more than this.

Happy birthday!

RachelNoire · 03/11/2024 18:10

Birthday cakes aren’t just for kids! Happy birthday and I hope you downgrade his special day too, sounds like a moody fucker.

Elphamouche · 03/11/2024 18:10

abonymousAnon · 03/11/2024 17:32

He told me months ago he was booking a holiday as it’s half term and I thought I would count that as my birthday plan so didn’t discuss what I’d like to do as I thought we were going away. He even told the kids we were going and they told teachers and friends on the last day of term. That Friday when they broke up from school he got in his usual mood and said we not going as it’s too expensive!

He’s the type who doesn’t discuss things, communication is a big issue. My youngest was really upset as he told his teacher and was worried if she asks him when he goes back so I’ve been dealing with trying to give my son a good half term with day trips and seeing friends etc to keep his mind off. I only found out they were not going to his mums house when we went to visit them a couple of days ago when he mentioned to his mum when we were saying bye - didn’t tell me directly. I just feel fed up, it’s not really the birthday it’s more he gets my hopes up. I was looking forward to going away in half term but I think he needs to stop making us think he’s doing something then not.

Your husbands a prick!

Agapornis · 03/11/2024 18:10

Not too late to make yourself a mug cake - and you won't need to share it!

TinyBlueHoe · 03/11/2024 18:13

Happy birthday! 🎂 🥳

Well that's brilliant because you can now un-plan his birthday, definitely don't get him a cake either.

Make as much effort for his as he did for you today.

Biffbaff · 03/11/2024 18:19

No it's not normal! Not the treatment from husband, and not to go without a cake or card on your birthday at any age. How can people be so miserable.

abonymousAnon · 03/11/2024 18:23

thank you everyone for your lovely messages. I’m feeling slightly better. I just went to the Co op and got myself wine and a cake! I’m going to get kids dinner ready and get them ready for bed then have my cake and wine. Not going to make dinner for him -I’m going to put less effort in for him from now on. Sorry if I don’t respond I’m logging off now but hope you all have a lovely evening and thank you for being here with me xxx

OP posts:
Onlinetherapist · 03/11/2024 19:31

@abonymousAnon Wishing you a happy birthday! I’m sorry your husband hasn’t made you feel special as you deserve. So many men are like this. I know it’s not the same, but I think you should treat yourself to some nice things if you can. Maybe next Sunday can be a pamper day for you if he takes the kids to his mothers?

Runskiyoga · 03/11/2024 19:50

Happy cake 🍰, onwards and upwards

SwordOfOmens · 19/03/2025 17:12

You are being unreasonable by treating it as a normal day yourself. Down tools and go out and treat yourself!!

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 19/03/2025 21:49

@SwordOfOmens

The Op's birthday was 3rd November.

maybe you are advising her for this year's birthday ?

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