To not want to hear about a holiday?

[briot]

Am I horrible? Colleague sent me an IM on Friday and said let’s go out for lunch on Monday as I need to tell you all about my holiday.

Now I’m more than happy to ask a colleague “did you have a nice time?” And hear a max 5 minute speech on what they did to be polite.

I don’t particularly care though. I wouldn’t wish them a horrible time and I’m pleased to know they enjoyed it, I just don’t find it interesting (as I’m sure they wouldn’t find my holidays interesting either) - I especially don’t find it interesting enough to give up my lunch time.

aibu?

Maybe something interesting did happen?

Or if it didn't lead the conversation somewhere else after 10 minutes

Or don't go but don't expect chit chat back when you want it

YABU. I’m sure she isn’t going to bang on about her holiday for the whole hour. It’ll probably be a couple of minutes and on to other topics.

God no! Is this the new version of ‘Look at my gazillion holiday photos’? No thanks! Tell them you’re working through. Whenever people ask me what I did for my week off, I just say I was busy, how was yours?

YANBU, but I think this kind of small talk is the basis of a lot of human interaction, one person telling the other some somewhat boring detail about their life. I'm not sure how much anyone really cares about anyone else's holiday/kids/marriage/decorating/work/pets/parents/car troubles/medical complaints etc. etc. etc.

What do you say to people when you talk to them? Is it always vitally interesting?

No. Believe me, everything will be told to me in great detail and there will also be photos and videos.

If you don't want to hear about her holiday then don't go

Small talk like I said in my OP is absolutely fine, I’ll always ask a colleague if they had a nice time away and I’m happy to hear “yeah I did thanks, I did xyz”

I’m specifically talking about her wanting to set time aside to tell me every little detail, show photos, show videos.

Awww she is excited and just wants to share with you. Indulge your friend. It's nice to hear about happy things rather than all the misery right now.

Nothing wrong with talking about holidays, they are a source of joy to most people. If you don’t want to go say no. You sound quite miserable though, sorry to say

Arrange to go for lunch somewhere local then when you get there say you only have 20 minutes as you have to run an unexpected errand. Don’t think you can really get out of these things with colleagues unfortunately.

If one of my friends said that I would assume that something interesting happened while away.

You sound very mean spirited.

I’m specifically talking about her wanting to set time aside to tell me every little detail, show photos, show videos.

I don't believe they'd do this for the absolute entire time.

You've just convinced yourself of that because otherwise you'd have to face the fact you're not very nice.

God I can’t imagine anyone cares enough about my holiday for me to actually say that to them. Maybe my mum?

I’m with you OP, I don’t really want to hear about other people’s holidays, other than a brief polite how nice it was, unless it’s somewhere I’m really interested in, or something really exciting happened!

That reads as if I’m super mean and rude, I’m not. I’d probably try and politely think of some kind of excuse or to change the subject if they were going on a bit.

Have been subjected to the in-laws description of the same trip they go on to the same hotel every single year with literally a run down of what they ate for dinner every night so I feel your pain

It's hard to judge until it happens- maybe there was a big drama or else she just wants to tell you about her holiday for a few minutes then on to other subjects.
If it's a whole hour of listening to her holiday stories though, that's too much.
A friend of mine just wants to talk about her holidays all the time- including endless photos, even once shoving her phone in my face when I was trying to talk to someone else.

She's not her friend, she's a colleague.

@briot No one needs to know all about a colleague's holiday. With friends sometimes you have to suck it up and listen to stuff that bores you because it's important to them, just like they'll have to sometimes listen to you bore them. Friends you will have plenty in common with to offset that.

Colleagues don't need to bring their whole self to work.

I think for a colleague who is also a friend I could spend one lunch together talking about something that makes them happy, yes.

I wouldn't want to listen to someone maundering on about their holiday, either.
YANBU.

She’s not my friend though. And I don’t mean that rudely. She’s a colleague and I guarantee that if one of us changes jobs we wouldn’t keep in touch.

Yes I’m happy to listen to my friends talk about their holidays for however long they want. Friends share these things.

But just because someone is a colleague you speak to and have the occasional lunch with, it doesn’t make you friends. I’ve never socialised with colleague outside of work.

She’s obviously mistaken you to be a better work friend than you are. God knows how. You sound quite cold.

The funniest part is, once she was planning on going to Bali, didn’t shut up about it and I (eventually getting rather bored tested her) said “oh I’ve been to Bali” and she completely ignored that and carried on talking like I hadn’t said anything and like I’d never been myself.

I’ve also come back from holidays and she’s never once said “how was it?”. Jesus one time I had an operation, came into work the next week and she never even asked anything about it.

But yet I’m suppose to sit there and listen about her holiday during my free time? No thanks.

I think she might think more of you than you do her.

Do you often go out for lunch with her?

I would have no issues with hearing about a holiday but I wouldn’t go out for lunch with someone for that sole purpose if I’d never done it before.

I’m actually a lovely person, and have many friends that I’ve made through work where we’ve both moved on from that particular job and regularly keep in touch and see each other. My best friend I met through work and I’m her daughter’s godmother. I’m even friends with someone I met at my first job when I was 15.

I’m polite to everyone I work with, however it doesn’t automatically mean because I work with someone I’m their friend. We’re just two people that have at that moment in our lives have a connection. I’m happy to talk to my colleague, I’m happy to ask her how her holiday was.

I’m not happy to sacrifice my free one hour from a stressful job to hear about every single detail of a holiday. It’s boring. She would also never do that the other way around.