Rubbish Christmases as a kid

[Dontknowwhattodo223]

Did anyone else have crap Christmases as a kid and now doesn't really like it as an adult? I would like to like Christmases more but literally don't have any fond memories of childhood Christmases and quite the opposite kind of memories really.

What happened OP?

And what do your Christmases look like these days?

They were all shit. My mum didn't want me that day so I spent it with strangers, then other kids in my foster home took all my sweets.

For my kids I made it fabulous and they have to have everything the same for Christmas Eve night and Christmas Day morning and lunch even though they are now 19-23.

I didn't enjoy Christmas as a child, and don't have any fond Christmas memories. I find Christmas quite stressful now and put a lot of pressure on myself to make it perfect for my children. Almost like I am recreating the christmases I never had growing up. We don't spend Christmas with any of my family.

I don't like Christmas very much. I'd say do what you want, if you want to treat it like any other day do, if you want to stay in bed and watch rubbish TV all day do. I think a lot of folk don't find Christmas easy for a whole host of reasons.

My parents split up when I was 6, I don't have any memories of Christmas before then. Christmas was always about who I would spend it with and often a massive 2 hour journey from one to the other on the day/boxing day/christmas eve. Handovers between parents were tense, uncomfortable and just generally a bit horrible. My mum didn't make Christmas special, we would get a small tree close to Christmas, me and my siblings would be left to decorate it, she never joined in. As I got older I had to choose who to spend Christmas with and one parent was always let down. We didn't have any fun nice family traditions.

Maybe it’s realistic to expect it will always stir up the bad feelings but hopefully some happy and proud feelings when you think what you’ve done for your children? Assuming OP is you @BirthdayRainbow

I had rubbish Christmases as a child and it made me very determined to have good ones for my own children. So we have NO guests on Christmas Day, it’s all about my kids and me and what we want to do. I don’t care if anyone else thinks that’s selfish, I’ve spent most of my life and the other 364 days a year doing what everyone else wants. This is my day with my kids. Everyone and their guilt trips can shove it.

The only exception which I might make this year is that one of my kids has a GF who has no family here in the Uk so she will probably join us. But I won’t be doing anything different for her IYSWIM, she will have to fit in with us .

We never spent it with any other family, very dysfunctional extended family. Except once with my grandparents and it was probably the worst Christmas of them all. Even now when I look back at the photos of that Christmas everybody in them looks so tense and unhappy.

As a child Xmas and birthday was.a day no abuse happened or was threatened so was exciting and magical so it’ was built up in my head even as a adult to be amazing I nearly kill myself trying to make it special for my kids the magic has gone for me though

@Dontknowwhattodo223 The sadness is palpable in your description of your childhood Christmases. I can see exactly why it brings up those emotions for you even from the small amount you’ve written.

Is it something you have talked to anyone about much/journaled about? I find that writing my thoughts and feelings down about difficult memories and feelings helps me, even if it comes out a bit incoherently. It helps me process things in the longer run.

I hope you can get to a point where you decide what you would like your Christmases to look like, and make them happen. Even if it means not celebrating at all to take your mind off it.

No. I'm not the op.

Awful as a child, all gifts stopped long before my 10th Birthday. I hated returning to school having received nothing.
For my DC (now all adults), I made their dreams come true. Anything Christmas I embraced and created new traditions. I know I spoiled them, spent much more than most but never went into debt and know exactly why I did it.
I love Christmas and still go over the top. I don't care what anyone else thinks. DH let's me get on with it because he knows what it means to me.

After my dad died my mum was very open about hating Christmas. She would start forewarning us that there would be no presents from about october. Thing is, there always were some presents, and the smell of a crisp pillow case still reminds me of early christmas morning. She went to immense efforts to ensure that we each had some lovely presents - a Lego piano or table set, or a Britain’s safari jeep etc. perfect choices. But years later, when my own DDs turned 5+ and I was prosperous (relatively speaking) and could and did fill their pillow cases with massive quantities of ‘stuff’, especially when out shopping I began to feel haunted by my mum’s sadness at Christmas - like a weighted blanket of sadness - as if I finally got a little window into all the poverty and the loneliness, and how hard it was to keep going - so I too dislike Christmas.

That's sad that she told you there wouldn't be any presents but there were some. I imagine that was quite confusing as a child.

If I ever had children I would love to make it absolutely magical.

dontknow yes it was confusing. I think she was probably trying to control our expectations in some odd way. She was very angry and bitter and Christmas is the worst time when you feel you have to ‘perform’ as a parent. She was palpably unhappy.

When compared to the telly and movies, yes, every Christmas I had as a kid was shite.

But, my parents did they're damnedest, I didn't realise that until I was much older though.

These days, we don't have much money so our Christmases are small, but I still do my best and hope my daughter doesn't grow up to resent her Christmases.

Awful, emotionally draining and abusive Christmases as a kid. It's made me love the season more now tbh that I can do what I want/celebrate how I want. Appreciate it could have gone the other way though 💐

I don't enjoy Christmas for myself. I had miserable ones, usually without gifts and special food, growing up. My parents were apathetic and made efforts only when we had guests.

Now, my DH, my children and I have made our own traditions with celebrating, in our own relaxed, loving way. We eat the foods we most love, and enjoy our day doing our favourite things.

What I most enjoy now is doing the things my parents couldn't be bothered with, which is choosing presents for for my little family in the months leading up to Christmas. Their interests change so much over the year, and it brings me such joy when I see something that reflects that, or if I find some special food or activity that they will like. Then the unwrapping and enjoyment of these gifts makes me so happy. My kids and DH have also learnt to give considerate, thoughtful gifts, which, as a family with some neurodivergence, has been extra-lovely to see.

My mum (and dad) tried their absolute best, but my dad was terminally ill for a lot of my childhood so every year it was ‘this will be the last Christmas with your dad’ and I think she was saying it to make it not unexpected when he died, but it put pressure on her to make each Christmas perfect and it put a negative cloud over Christmas for me as I was such an emotional and anxious child anyway. It was like a constant black cloud looming and tainting everything.
He ended up lasting many years longer than even the doctors expected so it was probably 10 years of ‘this will be the last Christmas with daddy’ and it just had the opposite effect that my mum wanted it to. To be fair I’m sure it was hard to navigate what the best way to deal with the whole situation and she really thought it was the right way.
He actually passed away one week before Christmas when I was 13, that was a hard Christmas but again my mum tried her best so I can’t fault her.

Even now the anxiety of Christmas is there underlying, I can’t switch it off. I do enjoy Christmas now I have my own children though.

Christmas meant an increase in domestic violence & my parents drinking even more alcohol & although I've always made an effort at Christmas (my partner loves it) I'm not a fan. I've not had a Christmas with my parents for 30 year's but the feeling lingers. Maybe it's all the adverts & that belief that Christmas is supposed to be magical for everyone?

Mine alternated between staying with my two sets of grandparents. My mother never ate Xmas dinner with us (eating disorder). Then my grandads on both sides died. One of my grans used to hit us with a slipper, the other one was lovely. So every other year it was ok. Nowadays neither of my parents (they are divorced and remarried) invite us and that suits me fine. My DHs family is picture postcard perfect and we go to them every year and they go mad for Xmas, I find it a bit overwhelming at times but my kids love it.

We're Jewish, so didn't celebrate Christmas, but always went to stay in a fancy hotel for the duration. We had presents, lots of them. New clothes too. On paper and in theory, it sounds idyllic. In reality, it was not. Woken every day by my parents arguing and then having to endure a volatile atmosphere for the rest of the time we were together, not to mention having to be on our best behaviour at all times. But behind closed doors (and often at the table in the dining room), both were emotionally and verbally abuse to us, and on occasion and always behind closed doors, violent too. When I was in my late teens, my mum actually died at Christmas, so at the very least, I haven't had to endure a Christmas en famille since.

For a time, and in the aftermath of my mother's death, friends invited me to their family Christmas. What an utter revelation. Families who got on! Families who talked without raised voices! Families who actually liked each other! Even now, many years later, was at some newer friends for a Jewish holiday lunch and was taken aback at how wonderful the father was - he actually enjoyed talking to his children and praised them. Wow.

Not awful (we got presents ) my Mum and Dad are /were religious so Christmas was special and Churchbased which was fun as we had friends at Church .

It's just my Mum CBA with any effort decorating or cooking and any visitors ( and later me) git roped into doing all the cooking .

She also came out with gems like "I like Boxing Day best because it;s all over" and "I wish I could sleep for a week and wake up after New Year"
Why ? She didn;t exactly bust a gut .
When I saw how my friends at school were with Christmas it made me feel like we weren't worth the effort and I could pretty much guarentee there'd be an arguement to spoil it .

As a result , I made Christmas bloody fabulous for my own DC and still love it .
I would never spend Christmas outside my own home , I had my parents visiting for Christmas many times but I didn;t ever say "This is how it should be done" though she still seemed quite proud of her "Hee Haw" approach

*Hee-Haw - in Scotland it means "nothing/nought/bugger all"

Like @Figmentofmyimagination my dad died when I was young. I remember Christmases before this generally being happy; luckily we didn't have relatives nearby to visit, so usually stayed at home. I remember presents being sparse, but that's kinda how it was in the 70s. After dad died, mum didn't want to put the effort in, so I put up the christmas tree, untangled the lights & got them working etc. I wsa home alone in the holidays, so always found my presents & checked them out before Christmas, so I could put on the happy face if they weren't what I wanted. I had my own room, but it was full of my mum's clothes, so for years I asked for my own wardrobe, but it never arrived.
WIth my kids, I work hrd not to over-buy, and we always manage to stay home and make it as festive as possible.