Want to move back to UK

[TooMuchCaffeineNotEnoughSpice]

Nearly three years ago we moved abroad to a rural location having lived in London for 20 years. My two kids (9 and 12 now) have settled in really well and have friends, enjoy school, enjoy their hobbies and generally have an idyllic childhood out and about walking dogs and biking round the village. We are also only 20 mins from the beach. My husband likes it too. He says he has a good work-life balance and he enjoys the space (much bigger house here than in London). He works from home but travels abroad a lot for work - this week he’s away Friday to Thursday. I am the only one who really doesn’t like it here. I think it is boring, we have made no friends (we have one friend but don’t see him much and his wife has made it clear to me she doesn’t need a friend), I miss being able to walk to shops, go for a coffee with friends, go to the cinema and the theatre and restaurants without driving for half an hour. There are no facilities in our village. I miss friends and family back in the UK. Our work is flexible so it doesn’t matter where we are based. Am I being unreasonable/selfish to want to move everyone back to the UK when the rest of my family are happy here?

Possibly a bit yes! The kids have already been uprooted and started again and it's gone well, reversing it seems mean. There must be reasons you left London? Can you move less rurally in the country you are in without disrupting the kids too much?

YANBU and actually, at 9 and 12, your kids are on the cusp of wanting much more than a small village with no amenities has to offer.

When my kids were that age they'd have been perfectly happy in the place you describe, but now they're older they want much more. My 17-year-old is constantly out with friends, going to the gym, catching trains, buses, taxis to parties or hang out with friends. If we lived in a village it would be awful! I know not all kids are the same, but when he was 12 his favourite places were Northumberland and the Lake District.

But more than that, you have a right to be happy too and your happiness shouldn't be sacrificed on the altar of the rest of your family's current happiness. A compromise needs to be found. But you sound lonely and isolated where you are - most people would find that utterly miserable. Why did you move there?

Sounds hard but I think it’d be U to uproot your DC a second time: too risky for them. Would instead do things to help yourself now, and think again when the DC are young adults.

I feel for you, sounds a bit isolated. Can you put a time limit on it? The kids are a few years off thinking a city is way more exciting and will start wanting cinemas, shopping and experiences. At least if you know its only 2 more years you have something to focus on?

What is the cost of living like where you are? Tax, income, quality of life? The UK has a high cost of living with shitty salaries and super high taxes, all with a crumbling economy and infrastructure ans not a great quality of life. I genuinely can't see a single positive for living in the UK which is why we are working on getting out. Just make sure to look at all of this before you make your decision. Also, keep in mind inheritance. Are you planning on leaving anything for your kids? Do you really want hmrc to take half?

We moved because we thought it would be nice for the girls to experience the other side of their heritage/culture. But now I’m worried if we stay they will get qualifications here and we will end up living in different countries in the future.

I recently moved to the UK from Toronto. Best thing I’ve ever done. Happy to be home!

Thanks for your replies. Food for thought.
We have to decide now because my eldest would go into year 9 in 2025 and if we leave it any longer she would find it hard to catch up.
Also I have tried joining exercise classes here to make connections but nothing goes beyond acquaintance stage. One local friend has also just gone cold on me and I’ve no idea why. I still give her a lift to our exercise class but she no longer texts or comes for coffee.

So your DH is from the country you now live in? If that's the case I would imagine it will be very difficult to persuade him to move. Basically he and the girls are culturally immersed in that country whilst you are not.

It might help if you could tell us where you have moved to just vaguely?
North West Europe?
Australia/New Zealand?
USA?

Is there a difference in language? (no matter how fluent you are.)

I'd rather live anywhere but London right now tbh. It's become an absolute shithole city.

That didn't take long, did it? Not even the bottom of the first page 🤣

IME it can be hard for kids to move & I would worry about that a lot, especially with your older one. Is she gregarious & socially adaptable?

I think it took me 3 years to feel happy & settled in our latest move. Getting a job I liked helped a lot.

Where are you currently? Not being too specific, just the general area, there may be some people on here who have experience and can give more advice.

at 9 and 12, your kids are on the cusp of wanting much more than a small village with no amenities has to offer.

I agree.

And I fear it's likely to be YOU rather than their father who'll be running a taxi service for them in the not too distant future to take them to activities, parties etc...

I think you have to think of your children. In an ideal world FOR ME, I'd live in a European country whose language I am fluent in, enjoying a different lifestyle to my one in the UK. But I don't want to uproot my children who are still in full time education, so I'm happy to wait till they have gone to uni/left home.

Yeah! I'm here if it's North West Europe! KnopkaPixie at your service, ma'am!

Also, I think OP is the odd one out in the situation. Which doesn't ever feel great.

Well these are all things you should have thought about before you went. You need to join some clubs or get a hobby.

Do you know why people aren't friendly or have gone cold, OP? Are you fluent in the language?

You can be perfectly fluent in the language, have lived a bit in the country, found affinity with your one particular example of that nationality and culture, who, funnily enough, wanted an English girl, or a London girl, then eventually, reverted to type and wants his children brought up back in the old country.

Small villages are lovely in small doses but unless you want to treated as some kind of exotic pet with your funny food and crazy ideas about a mop, it can get quite wearing.

I know all of this, thanks. I lived in Malaysia.
Just trying to help the OP.

Please don't be offended and I haven't ever experienced such a bigger culture difference than Britain and Malaysia. Maybe OP will get back to us soon.