Want to move back to UK

[TooMuchCaffeineNotEnoughSpice]

Nearly three years ago we moved abroad to a rural location having lived in London for 20 years. My two kids (9 and 12 now) have settled in really well and have friends, enjoy school, enjoy their hobbies and generally have an idyllic childhood out and about walking dogs and biking round the village. We are also only 20 mins from the beach. My husband likes it too. He says he has a good work-life balance and he enjoys the space (much bigger house here than in London). He works from home but travels abroad a lot for work - this week he’s away Friday to Thursday. I am the only one who really doesn’t like it here. I think it is boring, we have made no friends (we have one friend but don’t see him much and his wife has made it clear to me she doesn’t need a friend), I miss being able to walk to shops, go for a coffee with friends, go to the cinema and the theatre and restaurants without driving for half an hour. There are no facilities in our village. I miss friends and family back in the UK. Our work is flexible so it doesn’t matter where we are based. Am I being unreasonable/selfish to want to move everyone back to the UK when the rest of my family are happy here?

Maybe there is a compromise to be made by living in a city in the country you are in?

It sounds like you're feeling quite isolated, and it's completely understandable. Moving from a vibrant, walkable city like London to a rural area can be a big adjustment, especially when you miss the social and cultural opportunities you once enjoyed.

It’s natural to want a sense of connection and spontaneity—quick meet-ups, coffee outings, and access to city life.

Your desire to have a fulfilling life too isn’t selfish; it's a genuine need for community and stimulation, just as much as your husband and kids need the benefits they find there. Would it be possible to explore a way to bridge both worlds?

I get where you’re coming from, but I’d argue that London is far from the “absolute shithole” it might feel like sometimes. Sure, there are issues with cost of living, congestion, and pollution, but every major city has its downsides.

What sets London apart is its resilience and capacity for reinvention. It’s a global hub for art, culture, tech, and finance, drawing talent and ideas from around the world. The city offers unmatched diversity, with communities and cultures that bring it constant energy, events, and innovation.

Take a closer look, and you’ll see real efforts to address its challenges—investment in transport, green initiatives, community projects, and an increasing focus on affordable housing.

London’s history and character make it uniquely rich and complex, balancing tradition with some of the most cutting-edge developments anywhere. For many, these qualities make it worth staying, or even make the hustle part of the appeal.

I think that's a good point about London, it's so vibrant, so busy and so diverse.. moving anywhere rural is a transition, and of course you're in a different country. It would take adjustment anyway.

I'm sorry it's been hard for you, I do think it's unreasonable to move your children if they are happy though. Just as someone who moved a lot as a child, I found it very unsettling and I wouldn't do it to my own children unless it would definitely benefit them or was absolutely necessary. It definitely sounds like you need more support and friendship though, it's really hard when you don't feel happy where you live

A compromise would be a move within the country you are in. Perhaps DC’s will see this as an opportunity for them too, giving them a broader access to their interests and experiences.

I wouldn't return to the UK.

Thanks everyone for your comments. I don’t know how to reply to individual people as this is the first time I’ve posted on MN!
We’re in France and yes I speak the lingo well, so that’s not a problem. Yes I have hobbies - I run, have been to a yoga class (but can’t go anymore because of kids pick ups/work) and I go to a weekly Zumba class.
Yes I am the odd one out!
Yes it could be hard on the kids to move again but I would find them all the hobbies they have here.
I just can’t decide if I should suck it up or not! as my kids get older they need me less and less so surely we should live somewhere I can have a life too?! E.g. right now they are over at a neighbour’s watching a film and I’m home alone.

Living in rural France isn't easy. I think your hobbies are just personal exercise, which is fine, but not necessarily activities that allow you to engage with others and form bonds, if that makes sense? Is there any possibility of a job, or volunteer work? I wonder if you need something a bit more mentally stimulating?
Just a thought.

Myself and my family left the uk 4 years ago, I've had moments when I've missed it but I was unhappy in the UK and we would have never got on the property ladder over there. Is it village life you don't like? Maybe you could move to a town in the country you are living in now?
Personally I love sleepy villages. We are only a few km's from the nearest town though. Our nearest big city is an hour and a half away but has shopping mall's and cinema with showings in English.
I think you would be unreasonable to uproot everyone else if they are happy. Maybe in time you will grow to like it?

I do have a job albeit v part time - I’m working as a freelance English teacher. I am often solo parenting as my husband works abroad a lot so iI can’t commit to more hours. Also there is no school here on Wednesdays and one of my daughter’s is veggie and the canteen refuses to allow her a veggie meal or take a packed lunch so we have to bring her home for lunch at least once a week!!

Right, it sounds tough being a single parent most of the time, but I don't suppose there's anyway round that. Do you meet anyone interesting through work?
I'm smiling at your veggie daughter not being accommodated - that really wouldn't be the case in the UK,! Anyway, I can see how that would limit your ability to work.

Thanks for your reply. How many times did you move as a child? I’m sure it is really tough which is why I am so unsure about making another move.

Yes, you suck it up. Or, rather, keep trying to make friends and widen your horizon. You don’t uproot everyone and move them home because you’ve not settled and you feel left out.

You’d be in much tougher position if the person who hadn’t settled was one of the kids. It’s you; and you’ve got options. A different type of part time job that gets you more involved with people. Hobbies less about exercise - which is intrinsically something quite personal and lots of people just want to focus on the exercise and get out of the way - and more about community.

You're giving them incredible opportunities being abroad. You made the call to go. Now you see it through and settle in. You CAN have a life where you are; you just haven’t built one yet. There’s no guarantee you or they would walk back into one here, either; and they have much better chances and prospects for uni in the EU.

One of my friends has moved pretty rurally in Europe (and speaks the language) after living in a suburban bit of London and working in Central. Before that she grew up in the burbs of a nice county town. She struggles, husband2 (barely speaks the language, welcomes isolation) loves it. He's agreed they can stay in the wider area but move to the burbs/edge of the burbs of the nearest city as there's more stuff on the door step for her to do. Still not too far from their original home as he has an area centric hobby as well. Would a similar compromise move be an option for you OP?

Friend is independent just fed up of everything being a trek and the really small pool of potential friends.

i’d suck it up if the kids are happy. I have for years and i’m desperate to move back to the part of the UK I grew up in but have had to wait until my youngest finishes A levels, less than 2yrs now. I do like living here, but can’t afford to buy until I move back so it’s very frustrating. But my kids are happy here and I have to prioritise them.

Personally, I would move back like a shot based on what you described. Before it’s too late. It’s your life too.

Sounds like your DH just dips his toe into the nice bits as he’s traveling so much (dynamic and engaging for him) rather than experiencing the slog you are.

Majority of kids cope fine with multiple moves. It makes them resilient. Eg forces kids, kids whose parents do foreign postings with their companies. And you’re not even planning multiple moves, just two in their lifetime (if you go back).

I recommend doing scenario planning, OP. What happens to you if your life is still like this ten years from now. Divorce? Depression?

Also rural France for teenagers or elderly people may not be much fun. I have a (French) friend who says “darling, all the living is in the city. People go to the countryside to sleep and then die”. She’s quite glam though, and her husband is boring! So they have a city pad and a country house and thus marital harmony.

is rural France as bad as rural Luxembourg/ Belgium?

If so, I know how you feel 😭

Due to the rest of the family liking it so much, it would be unfair to uproot the family due to your needs alone. It’s unfortunate that you don’t like it, but how would you ultimately feel if you brought everyone back here and they all hated it? I think possibly the children might get to a stage in their mid teens where they want something more, but if I was you I’d give it a bit more time. A friend of mine moved to Australia 20 years ago with her family. Absolutely hated it for the first 5 years. Then absolutely grew to love it. It sometimes takes longer for some people to feel happy in new surroundings. In your situation I’d give it more time.

You’ve only moved your kids once, so you’re talking about potentially a second move. That’s not loads. I moved internationally 4 times as child, yes it did have an impact, but more now that I don’t have strong networks of people I knew as a child.

I think you should be considering moving. If this was a relationship you were miserable in everyone would be saying you must not stay for the kids!

This is the age to move, educationally it’ll be harder in a couple of years. If you stay, it’s a long time until your kids will be independent enough for you to leave.

Salut @TooMuchCaffeineNotEnoughSpice I’m in rural France too, moved here from Liverpool nearly 20 years ago and no, it’s not always easy! My situation is different because my DC were born in France, and there was never really any question about ExH living in the UK so I always knew I couldn’t go back.

Do you have any cities nearby or are you really, properly rural?

One thing I’ve found is that it can take a very long time for people to move from acquaintances to friends, like a couple of years if not longer. Also, where I live people tend to have known each other since school, and their parents knew each other at school too if not their grandparents! So basically it’s like one big extended family and I think on some level I’ll always be an outsider no matter how many friends I make. DD has just moved to a big city for uni and it’s like night and day.

Anyway I could probably keep wittering on about this topic for the next couple of hours so I’ll just stop there!

Why the big move of countries? Can't you just move somewhere less rural so there is more going on without uprooting children ?

I left the uk a number of years ago but each time i return i realise a little bit more about why I left. Dont be in a big rush. But try moving within that country. Education systems are different and its a big upheaval for children

OP, I can understand how isolating it feels. It took me eight years to make friends in my French village, and even then it was through my husband. I‘m only there part of the time though, so not really the same.

You say “But now I’m worried if we stay they will get qualifications here and we will end up living in different countries in the future.” That may happen, but it could happen even if you lived in London. It’s their lives and not something you can control.

I regret moving back to the UK. London has always been crime-ridden but it's off the scale now.

I think you should move back. You are entitled to happiness too. Children are resilient and will be happy as long as they are with the family. We moved a lot over the years. Different countries and continents. Sometimes for only one year. The children survived perfectly well. They also did a lot of secondary schooling in France and it was tough. Long school days and a lot of work. Always the threat of repeating the year if they didn’t pass. They said to me once that people had more fun in England. I was the one who suffered mostly. The kids made friends easily and my husband travelled a lot. You have had a good three years abroad but maybe time to think of yourself now.

Yep, depending where you are, it might be absolutely beautiful, but still very boring.