Weird old lady

[Nowayvenus]

Do you think this is weird? Went shopping with my boys, as we went to the till to pay a little old lady went up to my youngest saying that he looked cheeky and grabbed his wrist to pull him towards her, I think she was going to pinch his cheeks. He backed away so I said he was shy and kept between them, so she then started on my eldest. I said he was shy too and moved us all away to another till.
I know she probably didn’t mean any harm but it freaked me out.

I think the weird old lady has grabbed the OP because they never came back to the thread

I agree. The majority of "old ladies" are so far from being typical MNers that a typical MNer just can't cope with them and their perfectly normal ways, so they feel they have to take to MN to complain. It's beyond weird.

Totally agree.

I wouldn't be OK with any stranger grabbing one of my children, old middle aged or young. Why do people think this is okay just because she is old?

Well, yes. Which I why I noted the difference in my post.

Who cares if she meant well or meant harm? Her "meaning" doesn't matter, she shouldn't have done it.

@Gettingannoyednow 😅

me too

Surely you would expect an adult to know better than a child no?

You would surely expect that - but what if they had early onset Alzeimers and were just out and about on their own - surely you can understand that - no?

My dear MIL was gradually succumbing to Alzeimers for over a decade. Not everyone with these problems are immediately put away in a care home.

Maybe people could try giving the benefit of the doubt instead of being stupidly paranoid. It's hardly scarred the child for life 🙄

It’s strange that OP has not come back. Maybe this is a fake thread designed to stir up age-bashing.

I think highly probably the lady didn’t mean any harm and maybe in her day bodily autonomy wasn’t such a thing so she thought grabbing was ok. As others have said, it can make a lonely person’s day to interact with some cute youngsters. Wasn’t there a study where elderly care home residents were paired with toddlers to help the toddlers to read? Then the researchers found a major benefit to the elderly people as the toddlers made them happy.

Saying that, I agree that teaching children they shouldn’t be grabbed is the right thing to do. I have some Goddaughters and I have only hugged each one about twice because I’ll only do it if they or their Mother initiate it. You can still have great bonding with children without physical touch and it teaches them that adults touching them isn’t ok (which hopefully protects them from predators).

Oh and the Goddaughters live in the US and I’ve only met them for three weeks’ total in their lives. I probably would have hugged them more if they were in the UK. Just realised it sounded odd that I’d only hugged them twice. Hopefully you know what I mean about not hugging unless initiated.

Or indeed a completely different species.

Quick, grab the smelling salts! A woman stood in front of her child instead of letting a grabby weirdo pull them towards her and then - gasp, horror, shock - she actually MOVED QUEUES!

The woman acted weirdly. Doesn't matter why. No big deal, it all turned out fine, the mum stopped her from freaking her kids out.

livin' on ma own

Couldn’t the Op have described the situation as weird or the behaviour as weird? But calling this elderly woman a “weird old lady” is unnecessarily derogatory.

Ok, sometimes elderly people can have behaviour that is considered socially unacceptable and it could be due to cognitive decline or being out of touch with how society has changed. Doesn’t excuse name calling, insults and contempt. And that is what makes this post ageist. Not the protection of her children or her not wanting a stranger to touch her child or take them by the wrist to pull them closer. That’s reasonable to feel that way. It is not reasonable to call her a weird old lady. That is derogatory.

Can you imagine if this was all said about ‘me too’ or Saville?

😂

I was once holding my DS, about 5 months old, on a bench watching a model train. Elderly gentleman next to me looked longingly and admired him. He said ‘I’d give anything for a cuddle’ and I let him hold DS.. I hovered very close, probably with my arms still around him, I can’t quite remember. He cried (the man!) and said he hadn’t held a baby since his own, and his wife had died in childbirth and the baby raised by someone else.
I’ve never forgotten it. It didn’t take much from me and took nothing from DS.

If it was a man who had a mental health diagnosis, would lots of people be saying “show some compassion”?

Bodily autonomy is one of the most important lessons we can teach our children.

@Babadookinthewardrobe I love it when older people talk to my children. My son enjoys talking about his toys or showing them his sticker book.

No touching though! And especially no grabbing. OP is not being unreasonable there.

Surely that interaction could be used to teach bodily autonomy and tolerance and some resilience all at the same time?

Yes, your body belongs to you, no one should touch you without consent. Throughout your life, people might get too close for one reason or another. Your safe adult is next to you, they will manage the situation and keep you from harm and show you how to navigate it. Doing so with kindness and compassion and teaching your child how to safely interact with people, who might be behaving unusually due to cognitive decline, would surely be a better lesson than just shouting about weird old ladies and their grabby hands.

You might become a ‘weird old lady’ one day that your child refuses to spend any time with because they have learned to fear anyone that makes them feel a little uncomfortable.

Well if she was was old, and she was female and her behaviour wasn't the norm, which it wasn't, I don't think it's ageist, or are we not allowed to mention age anymore as a descriptor?
My lovely mum was a primary school teacher, she loved kids, however, she would never, ever touch a child unbidden. She always said, if a child comes to you it's fine to respond (eg if a small random child gives you a hug, it's fine to pat a shoulder in return) however an adult should never ever initiate contact first. Of course it's fine to smile, wave, make a silly face, but touching was strictly off limits, mum was born in the 40s.
It isn't acceptable behaviour. You don't touch other people's kid. Being kind and thoughtful goes both ways, and kids aren't an adults toy or play thing to be petted at will.
Age doesn't suddenly confer flexible boundaries. There was a lovely old boy in our town, he was a war veteran, and used to give my kids little pin badges (not exactly safe😂) or occasionally sweets but he loved talking to them, he would never have touched them though, and he always asked my permission first before giving them anything. I think if someone who was born in the 1920s knew about boundaries we can do away with 'back in the day'. It's never been acceptable to touch other people's kids.

Hush now, you're being super sensible and fair, that won't do.

So, a totally different situation then? Not relevant, but a nice memory.

I don't think anyone should be randomly touching children. Speaking, perhaps, although they shouldn't force it if no response. Her age is only relevant in that it might increase the liklihood of dementia being a factor.

I wouldn’t like it either but it’s best go easy on the old woman because she might be confused. Saying your child is shy and getting between them is a good solution.