What gives some people appetite for life / purpose?

[dreambig24]

Reading a book today about a very specific area of wildlife conservation, with contributions from a wide variety of incredibly knowledgeable professors, scientists and conservationists of all ages and backgrounds. These are people who live, eat and breathe their work. It consumes them to the extent that most of their friends and social circle consist of people who work in the same field or live a similar way of life. They all appear to be very happy about it. They don't begrudge the investment it requires of them, and you get the sense that there simply isn't anything else they could imagine doing with their lives that would feel as rewarding.

These are people with friends, spouses and children. Their personal relationships are obviously very important to them, but it is their work/passion/hobby that gives their lives meaning and causes them to wake each day eager to continue working on a new project, experiment or paper.

I know plenty of other people who have a similar appetite for their relevant professional industries. I also know people who feel pretty indifferent about their jobs, but who spend every minute of their free time learning how to do their chosen sport or hobby to a professional level, becoming to most amazing chefs making incredibly intricate meals, or who constantly have a trip booked somewhere to explore a different part of the world.

All of these people appear to have a genuine appetite or zest for life.

Then there's me, who doesn't feel especially strongly about anything in life. My job is fine, but if I won the lottery I'd quit immediately. I like to read a bit and sometimes I might go for a run, but these are all things I do because I feel I should. I've tried learning musical instruments, cooking, playing sports, taking up singing etc and they're all just...fine... Nothing really sticks. I have no areas of expertise, nothing I'm really good at, and nothing that I desperately want to be better at. There's nothing I'm excited for when I wake up in the morning or when I finish work. I just feel pretty meh about everything.

Tell me, if you're one of these lucky people who have a genuine passion for something, what does it feel like and how does it affect your life?

Was anyone once like me, but then they found their calling late in life?

I think sometimes having a passion is a luxury. Most people aren't worried about global warming enough for example to do anything about it if they're struggling to pay bills and buy food on low pay.

You sound bored. Is anything stopping you taking some unpaid leave and heading off to live and work/volunteer somewhere else entirely different for a while, just to shake yourself up?

For me - hedonism.

For others, their children.

‘I've tried learning musical instruments, cooking, playing sports, taking up singing etc’

Maybe your passion is trying new things? You don’t need to be amazing at any one thing, you can be the person who says ‘I’ve done that’ ‘I’ve tried that’ ‘I can play two songs on that’ etc.

I think you can actively work on creating a sense of purpose and that engagement creates further engagement and it becomes a virtuous circle. I think it comes more easily to some than others and I think some people have more drive than others. I think actively participating in the world rather than observing makes a difference and being offline and out in nature can help us reconnect with ourselves. If you think over your life, what has interested you most?

If ever there was someone who needs to get a goat or two it's you.
It all becomes clear once you have goats in your life. Good luck.

I am a great believer that everyone has their own reason to be here.

The problem is finding it. It took me a while but I did go through a process of really listening to my gut, exploring my fantasies and working out why I couldn't summon the bravery to do what I wanted to do. Working through your fears and your objections is really hard - people will laugh, I don't know what I am thinking believing I can do that, who do I think I am - all of those thoughts and fears.

Anyway, I left corporate life (which had served a purpose) and went to do something completely different just over a year ago.

I'd say my life completely changed when I adopted my son.
Not just in the obvious ways that having a child changes your life, but through the process of adoption understanding what life is life for many of our children and young people and the scale of the numbers of vulnerable people.
Since I adopted him I've done all sorts of things to try and advocate for both my son but also to raise awareness of why children need new families, to understand the realities of adoption, to support prospective adopters and new adopters.

My son is grown up now and independent. I've learnt a lot in the last 13 years. I gave up my job last year to become a full time foster carer.
I don't think I'd say it's a calling, but it is a passion, before I was quite happy, lots of friends, busy life but really just ticking over between holidays.

I have 6 goats 😂

We have zest for life and living diligently doing our best because some of us have the hope of eternal life

Can you expand on hedonism, @BleachedJumper ?

Goats? Is this turning into a benefit bashing thread? 😂

I am passionate about my life and have a strong sense of purpose. My passions are my adult DC, travel, my dog.

I have a huge appreciation of the privilege I enjoy as an independent single woman in the western world. I feel genuinely joyful about life.

When are you at your happiest? You need to be brutally honest with yourself. The answer might surprise you. I hope you find your mojo.

Did you both mean to type goals and it auto-corrected to goats? Or do goats actually give you a sense of purpose?

I think we are talking about the naughty smelly mammals 😜

Thanks - what an oddly specific but also intriguing response!

I actually do have goats and they do bring me a sense of purpose. And cheese. And ice cream 😆

Then you understand.
No autocorrect.
Goats start everyday with an absolute joy to be alive. They will try anything once, completely believe they are, well, the GOAT and take no shit from anyone. They live in a social group, look out for each other and do everything to the max.

I have horses, specifically I have a young Arab horse and my elderly retired Arabx. OMG, I love them to the point of obsession and they fill much of my waking thoughts. Embarrassingly I also have a husband, children and a full time job. But the extra pizazz in my life come from my horses - I’ve dreamed of Arab horses ever since I read the Jinny at Finmory books as a child. How lucky am I that I get to live my childhood dream? When I am with my beautiful horses I feel exactly like I did when I was 8 years old. They are an eternal connection to my inner child, before relationships, motherhood, career. Just pure, unadulterated me ❤️

I get what you're saying OP but please do recognise that you are privilieged being bored. What gives me purpose is knowing I'm useful to other people ; my DC ofcourse but I would say in general. I used to be a social worker and as soon as my oldest is more stable I will join volounteers who help older isolated people/ immigrants / homeless people. There are many people who are in need and reaching out to them is a humbling and I would say life changing experience. Your perspective changes on what's important in life, for the better.

A sense of cheese. Excellent. 😀

There's nothing I'm excited for when I wake up in the morning or when I finish work. I just feel pretty meh about everything. Could you be depressed?

I rarely do anything out of the ordinary and live a very bog-standard life but there is still joy to be found, even if they're only small pockets of joy.

Hah - them and donkeys. Sadly don't have the space for either but you have to love the screw you attitude. Learned the hard way at the age of eighteen when staying on a campsite attached to a farm in Denmark. A small goat escaped and I tried to take it back to the farm - much harder than I thought it would be...

Hi @dreambig24 following as I’d love to know the answers to your question. I feel exactly the same. And I have a child, so that certainly isn’t the answer to lack of purpose!

I do actually think I had more joy in my life when I was younger, even though I didn’t have a purpose then either. But I think that was more a hedonistic joy than genuine contentment.

I used the example of the goats because it has to be about trying things with no fear. So if you haven't found a passion, maybe it's because you haven't tried enough things and maybe you don't have to achieve anything discernable to others as a major achievement but it is to you. Just that you are always looking to try and achieve something different and if it wasn't for you then on you go. Linking travel to history is ours. So we travel to places that were on the news when we were children around Europe, mostly ex Soviet countries. But it's pretty niche to us and we are privileged to have resources to do it.

I work with children and families in a safeguarding role. It gives me purpose because I know what's at stake; the lifelong impact of child abuse and neglect is well documented. I also find my work fascinating. It's impossible to be bored because there is always more to learn; as the world changes so do the risks to children and young people. No two days are ever the same because every child and every family is unique. My family, friends, pets and my home also give me purpose and I find joy in little things. As much as I love my work, if it was the only thing I had to focus on I'm not sure it would be enough to give me a "zest for life".