For asking him to delete out sex messages?

[BeAzureNewt]

I have been sexting with this guy for a couple of days and he is going abroad today.last time he was abroad he left the phone to his brother cause he uses for work as well.
I don't want anyone seeing those messages and I want to ask him to delete our sexts but I don't want to offend him or smth ,what can be an inoffensive way of asking him ?
This is giving me a bit of anxiety

Just tell him since his phone isn’t exclusively used by him when he travels, you would appreciate it if he would delete the sexting messages. If he gets offended, then that’s a red flag.

Others may come along with some ideas about how you go about tactfully asking for the deletions.
My knee jerk reaction is, lessons learned if you don’t want to repeat this anxiety,
No more sexting with anyone ever again.
You will have no proof presumably that the texts have been deleted anyway so why put yourself through it?
I hope he does the right thing and your anxiety is quickly dissolved.

You shouldn't need to have to ask him. The fact you think you do and that you imagine it will offend him (and care!) says you probably shouldn't be sending them to him at all. Once you've sent a message you have lost all control and rely on the other persons discretion. If you don't trust that, then don't do it. And you REALLY shouldn't be worrying that asking a man not to allow his brother to view sexual messages might offend him! Of course ask him to delete. No guarantee he will though.

How can you be embarrassed or awkward about this but ok with sexting? I'm not a prude and have no issues with the concept but surely if you're sending him pics or erotic messages you can ark him this? It's not offensive. It's about his brother possibly seeing them, not that you're scared he's going to deliberately share them.

Oh, and just on another point...who on earth leaves their phone with their brother while they go away? Generally only a person who is going away to someone they don't want to see their phone, or someone who wants to be able to say 'it wasn't me...my brother had my phone...'

This is all very closing the stable door after the horse has bolted though - worrying now that someone might see the sexts you sent to a shared phone??

I was more thinking of deleting my parts of the messages on whatsapp.nudes are only sent with view once although I have a pic of him on my phone that he send as an attachment.

Oh no. Nightmare. Ask him to delete all chat and messages and show you

Why would this offend him? It’s understandable that you wouldn’t want to risk other people seeing them if it’s happened before?

Why would you enter a sexual relationship with someone you don't trust enough not to get offended at a perfectly reasonable request?!
There is no need to sugar-coat it. "Please delete our messages before you give the phone to your brother" is as tactful as it ever needs to get.

Delete everything you can. Have a think about how likely it is that a man's going to go abroad for two days without a phone. And that if he's got another personal phone to take away, why he's been messaging you on his work one that he leaves with his brother.

This! Who leaves their phone behind for someone else when they travel? A likely story.

Yes, this

@PullTheBricksDown last time he had left it so he said but I am gone first ask him if he is this time.he flies in the evening so I will try to meet him today so I can see him deleting them in person.

View once photos can still be screenshot.

also it’s weird that he doesn’t take his phone with him to travel and I don’t believe his brother needs his phone. What person doesn’t have their own phone especially if it’s for work purposes.

red flags here.

It's wierd that you're comfortable enough to send nudes and sexts to this guy but too anxious to ask him to delete them. If you are scared he won't then you really shouldn't have sent them in the first place as you clearly don't trust him.

@DaisyChain505 you can't screenshot view once ,he leaves him in charge of his clients when abroad and some time had passed since he said that as it was since we fist started talking ,I had forgotten until he told me he is travelling and then I remembered.
I hope to meet him so I can see him delete them

@Shiningout
Given all this advice here ,I called and asked him to delete them and he agreed,didn't get upset or anything but I will make sure he has for real when I meet him.

Honestly OP you have absolutely no idea who else he may or may not share these messages with. Surely you must have known this when you were sexting him?
Did he coerce you into doing it? Because the fact you are worried about asking him to delete the messages would indicate a power imbalance in your relationship.

Just ask him. If he refuses or gets awkward about it then you know that this isn’t somebody you’d want to continue any sort of relationship with, and you’ve luckily found out early on. Also, I wouldn’t worry too much about it: if all photos are on “view once” then unless you’re including your name and address in each of your messages, nobody’s going to be able to identify you, anyway.

@Sugarysugar
No he didn't force me or anything ,before sexting he asked for my consent and he asked for consent before sending a d**pic and if I say no to smth he is not pushy just leaves it there.

@ComtesseDeSpair
All nudes are view once, my face is not on them and on my whatsapp I don't have a face profile picture just a landscape one.

Well if that's the case I don't see why you have a problem about asking him to delete them. Why would he be offended?

I wouldn't be trusting this guy.

Who uses their own phone for work and doesn't have another phone? So has to leave their one and only phone with their brother?

Most people have two. Or two sims in one handset and they can take one out and put it in an old handset to get their brother to mind the company while they are gone.

Nobody goes away without their phone.

You have more problems than you think you have.....

I'm wondering if he has his regular personal phone that has all his family chat in it with his wife and children - which he is taking away with him. That you know nothing of.

AND he has a work phone which he's been using sexting with you so his wife doesn't know about his sex chats.

That would make sense that when he goes away the business phone gets given to his brother to mind the fort with.

Sorry.

@Sugarysugar
I called and asked him and he wasn't offended he was nice and reassuring.