To not be able to help falling asleep

[Jadii]

My partner and I have been together for years, since we had two children (they’re both at nursery still) and working full time I’ve switched from being a night owl to an early bird. I can’t seem to stay up past 10/half 10, sometimes 11 without becoming shattered and unable to stay awake and start falling asleep on couch.

My partner is really upset about this, as he’s still a night owl and thinks there’s something wrong with me to go to bed that early. I’m starting to feel conscious when it’s the evening as he will take issue with this and I feel guilty.

i feel ok in the day and don’t think there’s a health problem, im just tired from daily life and working. i just can’t stay up late anymore for some reason :(

YABU - that’s too early, go to the doctors and get checked in case of health issue
YANBU - it’s not that early and partner should leave me alone about it

Tell him to stop being an idiot and to let you get the sleep you need.

I wouldn’t class that as early to be going to bed!

I’m always in bed by 10pm, up at 6 or 630am. What time are you up? Are DC sleeping through?

Has your life workload changed but your DH’s hasn’t?

I’m up at 6 with the children as they’re early risers, one of them is still younger and sometimes wakes at 4 which throws me off. We both work full time.

Being a night owl implies sleeping in late. Clearly you can't do that with young children waking early, so it is ridiculous for your OH to expect you to still keep a late bedtime! Does he help with the early morning wakes?

You're up at 6, what time does he get up?

Maybe he should be the one getting up at 6 with his children then.

10.30-11 is not an early bedtime in any stretch of the imagination and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you for being tired after being awake so long.

Ah sorry I should have been clear. My partner is goes to bed ridiculously late like 2/3am and gets up to go to work so only has a few hours sleep a night. I just can’t do this I would be very ill. I don’t know how he does it

10:30? I was asleep on the sofa at about 7:30 last night!! Admittedly that was early even by my standards but I rarely see past 9:30 in the week.

Good grief - I start pottering around getting ready for bed at 9ish because I like to be turning the light out by 10pm in order to get my eight hours!

I hope your partner is also getting up at 6am and taking on some of those 4am waking as well?

What time does he get up - does he also get up at 6?

He must surely understand he's the weird one here!

Going to bed at 10 if you're getting up at 6 is perfectly normal!

I’m sure it’s scientifically proven that getting too little sleep over a long period of time is bad for your long-term health.

Utterly ridiculous, why is this even an issue??? Honestly the arrogance of him thinking he can decide how much sleep someone needs. Staggering! I’m in bed by 9pm latest weekdays, our DC wake about 5.30. You adjust according to your responsibilities. Show him this thread, he needs to grow up and get over himself!

He’s up early too, anytime between 5-7. I don’t know how he does it. He is shattered on his days off during the day though but he won’t try and go bed earlier. I’m the overly tired one apparently.

I hardly made it past nine when the kids were little.

I get up at 6 am on a work day, no DC. I’m in bed by 10.30 and usually asleep by 11.

Why does he want you to stay up so late? What does he do all that time? You’ve got plenty of evening between putting the children to bed and 11pm to do what you want.

I can’t imagine loving someone but not letting them sleep.

Your sleep pattern sounds normal, OP. His, not so much.

Who gets a lie in at the weekend when you don't have to get up for work?

Not me lol.

What a surprise.

He's an idiot. Show him this thread.
Normally people don't go to bed at 2/3 am.

He wants you to go the doctors and say I need the recommended average of 8 hours sleep a day so my DH thinks there’s somw
thing wrong with me.

If you’re tired durring the day it’s worth getting bloods done to check for deficiences. But you sounds perfectly normal.

I used to be a night owl before chn too. I say he gets up at 6 with the kids and see if he’s still wide awake at 2 am! Your sleep pattern is normal, his is not. I’m asleep soon after 10.

Why's that a LOL? Does he get to lie-in both days of the weekend and you get neither? That's not funny. That's shit.

My partner is really upset about this,

I’m starting to feel conscious ...

as he will take issue with this and I feel guilty.

My husband goes to sleep very late and can wake up same time as me, he may fall asleep watching tv sometimes but generally his sleep needs are far less than mine, I fall asleep like you anytime around 10-11. Women and men have different sleep needs, I bet you are the one taking on a lot of the mental load, always thinking "do we have this, i need to make sure this, what do we have for tea, thats run out, it needs to be replaced, when do the bins go, what shall we have for tea. do we need potatoes, and on and on and on, the mental load with children is off the scale, did the kids eat, what activities, school, everything, its not surprising you need more sleep.

Stop feeling guilty, tell him in no uncertain terms you're not there to entertain him, he can stay up as long as he wants, he doesn't need you there to pacify him, he shouldn't be making you feel like you're walking on eggshells, you need to feel you home is a safe place where you can express that you're tired and go to bed. And more importantly you shouldn't have a partner who wants you to endure tiredness just because they want to stay up late.