Good news update on marriage problems /'DH doesn't love me"

[Heartshattered]

I started a thread here in March 2023 about my husband dropping a bombshell that he no longer loved me, and I didn't know how things had gone so wrong.
I don't know how to link back to the original message.
I thought it would be nice to update to say that we worked things out. We are really, really happy now. We went through a lot, amd it was really hard, but we were completely honest with each other, treated each other with kindness and are now stronger that ever. We did couples counselling, and also individual counselling. I feel I know him in a whole new way, and he is finally able to be his authentic self. We have learned so much. Our relationship is fantastic now!

I read so many threads here, and often wonder how things turned out for people. Hence I thought an update would be nice.

Oh, this is lovely to read. Congratulations!

That's so lively to hear. Glad you are both happy

Oh that's great OP.
It's so good to hear such a positive outcome.
Best wishes to you both.

Lovely post. It's always good to talk.

Wonderful news, so glad to read a happy update!

Brilliant!

Well done both of you for being willing to try to fix it 👏👏

Thank you for the lovely responses.

@Heartshattered

Lovely to hear this. I read your original thread and am so pleased you worked it out

Ten years ago my dh moved out for three months after a while of bickering and resentment towards each other that we just couldn't seem to clear.

We had a small argument one night and he literally left with a small bag.

Not going to lie the first few days were hell and I didn't know what was happening or if I was coming or going but with an amazing boss by my side who spoke so much sense and really kept me grounded I dragged myself through each day but me and dh couldn't be in the same room together as the atmosphere felt electric and horrid and it wasn't good for my already crumbling mental health.

After a few weeks I lt settled down and we had contact regarding the dc etc.

We had a couple of non starts where we met up on our own and we were both still angry and frustrated so we just stopped any convos and he would be at the house a lot with the kids and would still do things like put bins out cut the grass etc but we just needed that emotional break from each other.

Eventually things calmed down and we met up one day for a walk and a coffee and it was like we'd never just had a really rough few months.

The anger had just gone and we were both ready to talk without any anger frustration etc.

We played it steady and he moved back in about a month later

That was ten years ago and I can honestly say our relationship has gone from strength to strength.

We deal with situations differently now and we love life together. We both say we are so glad we worked it out

I'm really pleased for you op
Sadly it doesn't always work out like it did for you and me so it's lovely to hear this

I remember your thread. What an amazing update!

Are you able to share any more? I imagine the counselling had its ups and downs. Were there times you thought it wouldn’t work? Did it get worse before it got better? And was it just a case of slogging through, or were there breakthrough moments?

The couples counselling was very, very difficult. I don't think he was a good counsellor (he often interrupted us, we both felt judged). It really felt like the counsellor wanted us to separate. However, it did make us face some truths and get things out in the open. There were more bombshells, things got harder, I couldn't imagine how I would keep going. But I knew that I was strong. I read lots on relatiobships. I raelky really trued to listen openly. i did a lot of individual counselling. My desire to keep our family together was powerful.

My love for him never changed. I felt an unconditional love throughout. I know they say you can't have unconditional love in a romantic relationship, but that's how I felt. I knew there was so much goodness there. We had so many great elements to our relationship, so much shared history. I was so motivated to work together. He didn't know for a long time what he wanted, but I never doubted wanting to stay together.

This is so refreshing to read. I'm very happy for you OP, long may you be happy xx

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4774185-husband-doesnt-love-me-any-more

I'm so happy for you.

This is lovely. I think too much emphasis is put upon romantic love which is ethereal (and dare I say it, not real) and not enough upon being a working partnership in life. Keep working at it and I wish you both all the best.

And just to give some more detail. Unfortunately, there was an affair. An emotional affair, with some kissing. It took a long time for that to be admitted. So, lots of you were right about thay part! DH may also be ND (quite a lot of Masking and people pleasing), but we're not sure if he really meets all the criteria. He is a wonderfully empathetic and kind person who has struggled to make his own needs known. I am able to be my real self and so is he.

Lovely 😘

Lovely to hear.

Kindness makes a big difference. Where there's kindness or the willingness to be kind, there's a glimmer of hope.

Fabulous news! Congratulations to you both

Congratulations!

He had an affair, which he didn't admit to for a long time. Sorry to piss on your chips, but just some kissing? Yeh sure.
I mean clearly you love him, and want to be with him, but if he lays the blame at your feet ever again, and claims the marriage breakdown is down to you, you know he's back to his old ways.
He couldn't cope not being the centre of your world, when you had small children and your mum needing your attention, or when your daughter was in hospital.
You're a far better person than me OP, I'd have walked. I wish you all the best, and hope the cheating scumbag never puts you through that rigmarole again.

I have to agree with this.

I'm in a bad place with my husband and we are trying
Sadly we can't afford to carry on with out couple counsellor. She was charging £85 an hour. Even relate wanted £70 an hour. Not sure what our future holds but I'm happy for you its worked out

This is really unkind. The OP has worked things through with her DH and they are happy so why try to make her feel bad with your mean comments?

Oh I hope maybe you can work on things together without the couples counsellor. We used some of the Gottmans online resources. I also accessed some free individual counselling through my work's Employee Assistance Programme. This helped me to explore my own feelings, and helped me to be open to hearing what DH had to say. I'm not at all religious, but I read 'Love Warrior' by Glennon Doyle, and found some comfort there. Just mentioning these in case any of these are options for you.

Unkind? Yes. True? Also yes