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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I have been missing them more?

39 replies

DanInTheMirror · 31/10/2024 21:52

DH took the young DC to PIL for a couple of days this half term. They've been gone from Tues lunchtime to Thursday lunchtime. I've been working that whole time but On Wed evening I went out drinking with a female colleague.

He has come home and is off with me as "all I've done is work and drink" and then made shitty comments I hadn't sorted Halloween stuff. I mean they have costumes and I took them trick of treating but he said minimal effort

He said I didn't seem to miss them v much and I've just "been boozing".

If your H took your DC off for a couple of days would you be pining the whole time? I missed the kids a bit but I was working the whole time and then a few drinks while they're away....it's not a big deal is it? The house does still look the same and I didn't do housework.

OP posts:
DelurkingAJ · 31/10/2024 21:54

DH is also just back from taking DS to DPIL. He was pleased I’d had a nice time having dinner with an old friend last night. He knows I’d cover for him (and do) when he goes out.

Walkacrossthesand · 31/10/2024 21:54

Does he ever go away, on trips, without you & the children? If so, does he pine for you all and stay in his hotel room in the evening?

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 31/10/2024 21:55

Ridiculous to expect you to 'pine' for them but I would have made sure the house was clean and tidy with a little bit of the time.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 31/10/2024 21:57

I would leave it - just say sorry Mr grumpy pants I did miss you really but I also did have fun! - he'll just be tired from the travel and moody and jealous.

AlertCat · 31/10/2024 21:57

Surely if you’re working you have to, like, work? Not take time out to do housework or make halloween decorations?

He sounds very controlling. Maybe you missed them in your heart, but does he think you should have been prostrate with grief and unable to see your friend? Does he ever have ‘time off’ from family life and go out, or does he lie around clutching a photo of you and the dc to his heart for the whole time you’re away?

MasterBeth · 31/10/2024 22:00

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 31/10/2024 21:57

I would leave it - just say sorry Mr grumpy pants I did miss you really but I also did have fun! - he'll just be tired from the travel and moody and jealous.

I would leave you if you said that to me.

Violetparis · 31/10/2024 22:01

He's a pain in the arse.

HarkALark · 31/10/2024 22:02

@MasterBeth Sorry, you'd leave your partner if they called you Mister Grumpy Pants? Bit of an overreaction, don't you think?

BabyCloud · 31/10/2024 22:04

He sounds like an arsehole. You’ve had one night out and he’s acting like you’ve been missing in the pub for a week.
Is he always like that?

Delatron · 31/10/2024 22:04

He sounds controlling to be honest. He doesn’t like the idea of you having fun when he’s gone.

redalex261 · 31/10/2024 22:09

I never "pined" for my child when she was away for a few days. It was a welcome opportunity to be an actual person, not a just a mum. I luxuriated in pleasing myself, sometimes out with friends, sometimes lazing around enjoying a newly tidied house that had remained tidy for more than three hours. Sometime I left the place a tip and lazed around in my pants!

Have no guilt OP! A couple if days R&R is good for the soul!

Noseybookworm · 31/10/2024 22:30

Oh for goodness sake, are you not allowed to enjoy a night out or the peace and quiet of having the house to yourself? He's being an arse, I would assume that 3 days looking after the children has left him grumpy and tired! Is he usually so judgemental if you go out and have a few drinks? I'd be very pissed off with him if I were you.

whatatodoaboutnothing · 31/10/2024 22:37

He sounds horrible

Laura268 · 31/10/2024 22:38

He's probably projecting. Likely his own mother was like that when he went away as a child.

I'm trying to be balanced and see it from his side;

I mean - I could imagine if I came back from a few days away and DH hadn't done the Halloween decorations to the previous years spec - I'd be really annoyed at him - but I wouldn't be annoyed he went out and/or worked - I would have just felt like, the Halloween decorations are important to the kids so he should have made the time to do it - even if he'd done them drunk after his night out. If it was a job we'd agreed on before hand - then yeah I'd be annoyed about that. But not about him working and going out, I guess in an argument about it - I could say 'well you had time to go out and get drunk' but it would really be about the lack of effort with the decorations, if you know what I mean.

I suppose I'd only be feeling 'off' that 'he didn't miss us' if underneath I actually had broader issues around feeling neglected and insecure overall in the marriage or worries about where my DH's priorities were at and I felt we were low down. But that wouldn't be based on one event. That sort of thing would have been brewing for a while.

That might be a conversation you need to have though.

Otherwise he's just sounds a bit suffocating....

BlastedPimples · 31/10/2024 23:00

Awful man.

Eenameenadeeka · 31/10/2024 23:09

Pining the whole time, no. I'd have done housework for sure though. But you should have been able to take a bit of time to relax and see your friend as well.

Shiningout · 31/10/2024 23:19

HarkALark · 31/10/2024 22:02

@MasterBeth Sorry, you'd leave your partner if they called you Mister Grumpy Pants? Bit of an overreaction, don't you think?

😂😂😂 Mister grumpy pants

MummBRaaarrrTheEverLeaking · 31/10/2024 23:27

He's jealous and is trying to make you feel bad to shit on your parade. Ignore the nob.

Renlou · 01/11/2024 11:41

I'd miss the kids, but I wouldn't pine for them. I'd enjoy myself, but I'd tidy the house up for sure. I'd also make sure whatever needed sorting for Halloween was sorted. No harm on fitting it all in.

Bedtimewoes91 · 01/11/2024 12:00

So you got costumes and took them trick or treating but that wasn't good enough? If he has his own high standards for Halloween he should do it himself. Why is it on you to sort Halloween anyway?

He sounds like a knob, sorry.

Cattery · 01/11/2024 12:07

Pine? No. I’d have been boozing

Comedycook · 01/11/2024 12:11

I don't know...I'm imagining if a woman on here took the kids away for two nights and left her husband at home, he'd be flamed for having done no housework.

RhaenysRocks · 01/11/2024 12:12

Christ. Mine are away with their dad (my ex) for 1-2 weeks at a time and I don't miss them. It's full on when they're here so I take the time out to see people, go places, yes I tidy or might even decorate but it's my time. I was a person for thirty odd years before I was a mum so occasionally I like to resurrect that version of myself.

StressedQueen · 01/11/2024 12:15

He's being unreasonable. I love my children but if they are away for two days, I won't be pining and constantly thinking about them 🙄Why is he angry that you had fun alone for one night? I would miss my children but it is not a big deal whatsoever to drink for one night while they are away

Whatsitreallylike · 01/11/2024 12:15

He’s threatened, wanted you to pine after him and is upset that you didn’t. Now he’s trying to spin it so he doesn’t have to feel so inadequate. I’d laugh in his face and tell him he should go away for longer next time to see if that helps you miss him more 😂

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