I'm probably a bit old to be still lurking around here as my son is now 23 but he is autistic and still lives at home. We all share many family issues so am looking for some advice. Apologies for the length but this is the abridged version!
My SIL has never been the best communicator and I have always said that she is the most self absorbed and ungrateful person I have ever met. Over the 40 years I've known her this has largely been ignored by everyone and if anything her parents still make excuses for her.
For context we live 200 miles away, I have fibromyalgia and osteoarthritis everywhere and my husband has Parkinson's disease. We do what we can and it's safe to say that we spend more time in FIL's house than she does.
Last year DFIL (85) became very ill for the second time in 6 months resulting in a lengthy hospital stay and the involvement of social services and carers. She only visited him once in hospital for a whole ten minutes and never offered any help at home. His wife, who has health issues of her own, managed everything with the help of her daughter who lives an hour away. DH was furious that she never offered any help at all - the irony of it is that she is a social worker who, until a couple of years ago, worked with the elderly.
Jump to February and I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was fortunate in that it was the 'good' kind and it was dealt with by surgery and radiotherapy and due to the wonders of the NHS the cancer is gone. I now have one boob significantly smaller than the other and I'm on drugs for 5 years with crap side effects but obviously it could be worse!
My sister in law has never once asked me how I am or how we were managing. No phone calls or even text messages to either of us. My husband went to pieces when I received the diagnosis and that got worse until I had my surgery. That seriously affected his Parkinson's symptoms. It was a very trying time while we constantly waited for test results and I struggled to decide whether to have a lumpectomy or mastectomy.
On the whole we learnt that people are very kind and supportive, even people we hardly know.
Back in September we were at a family party and she didn't speak to us at all, never mind asking us how things are. My husband then decided that that was her last chance and he no longer feels we should make any effort with her or include her in any plans.
With Christmas approaching we have made arrangements for meals with the rest of my husband's family but not included SIL. We have already 'missed' her birthday which seems to have passed without comment. MIL (who spends a lot of time with her - holidays, Christmas etc) wants us to invite her and thinks we are being unreasonable.
We just feel that out lives are challenging enough without having to bother with someone who clearly doesn't give a flying @@c@ about us. Are we the ones in the wrong here?