To ask DH not to do this?

[mincepietwentytwo]

Just had a busy few family days in half-term. DH WFH. I have the kids as work term-time. DH likes to plan every hour of the day. Fair enough but me and the kids need to recharge today.

DH came up for a coffee and I went off to put a wash on. DS8 asked me for a walk. I called through 'yes maybe in a bit' (I wasn't ready and needed to do a couple of urgent emails). DD9 didn't want to go as tired and said just wants to do Halloween walk later. I'm thinking about how to keep both happy.

DH tells them both 'Yes you're going for a walk right now' and walks off towards his office. Cue both kids arguing and tears from DD9 as he doesn't want to go.

He has done this the last few holidays. Tells them what they are going to do next/says yes to something they've asked for just as he is walking back to his office with a coffee and he never chats to me about it beforehand.

AIBU I've asked him not to as it causes arguments (plus it's annoying for me).

He sounds like a dictatorial prat.

I wouldn't ask him not to do this, I'd tell him that if he does it one more time then there will be a very serious issue to contend with in your marriage. How dare he throw a grenade into your day like that??

Yes it's really weird because he isn't even involved whatsoever with what they are doing. It should be your decision

To be fair, he heard me say yes to the walk so probably thought yes meant now.

He doesn't think to ask me about it. Just announces things to the kids that don't even involve him as he's going back to work.

It doesn't matter if he heard you say yes, it's not his place to get involved.

He is working therefore should get on with that and leave the kids day to you. I get this op...my dh WFH and sorry to sound harsh but I really don't want his involvement or commentary on my day during the hours of 9-5.

He is someone who needs a plan. He's very active and organised which I love about him but sometimes we want to mooch and recharge!

You: So are you taking the kids out for a walk right now then?

Him: no??

You: But you told them they were going out right now?

Him: I meant you were taking them

You: Why would you decide that?

I don't think it matters who's organised or not - the problem is that he's sticking his nose into your day and causing trouble for you - does that not drive you mad??

I agree, I wouldn’t be asking, I’d be telling, in no uncertain terms, through gritted teeth, that if he pulls that shit again you will simply silently leave the house, by yourself, and leave him to deal with the fallout.

please tell me he offered you a drink too.

This is a prime example of why a lot of men would be better off in the office rather than interfering in every minute detail of their partners and kids day

Why were they instantly crying and arguing? Couldn't you have just said 'dad misunderstood, I'm watching you today not him, we aren't going on a walk right now'. Surely they can learn it's your say so when he's not working not his - this is what I'd stride for in the next school holidays. YANBU though he sounds annoying

Because he does flexible working so there is no set 9-5. He comes in whenever he wants.

I need to be clearer that it’s my say so at a certain time.

I would've taken it he meant he was facilitating this walk. So yeah, I'd have just said 'oh, you're taking them now? Great, but only little one wants to go. Older one can stay home'.
Surely he'll stop saying they're doing things with people other than him? If you just turn it round to 'daddy says he's taking you now for a walk, isn't that cool'. Then you can go with your coffee out of the room in the same swift manner he seems so accustomed to. 🤣

Surely they can learn it's your say so when he's working not his.

I say this to them but he never tells them this.

Yes put kids coats and shoes on and push them into daddy’s office “they’re all ready for you, I’m going to pop to xyz, see you when you get back” then run! You have to make his own be behaviour inconvenient for him. He won’t take the out if he’s working but he should have to manage the fall out he created through sticking his beak in.

Does he think he's just supporting what you've already said? Tell him if he's not doing something with the kids himself then to stay out of it!

@BeMintBee Haha. Yeah, that's the one. 🤣

It’s worrying how many that are unable to open their mouth and talk to their partner.

I think he does think he's just supporting what I’ve already said but he never asks me details. He makes a statement of what he thinks then walks off.

I do talk to him about it but he still does it.

Well, then you read @MoMhathair’s reply again.

I think the faux confused response is the way forward “oh but you said this was happening so I thought you were taking over” every single time!

Oh yes - I’ve had this. He said he thought he was being helpful - backing me up. We had a discussion and I made it clear it is not helpful.

When is his time off with them?

Tell Gordon Brittas that neither your nor the kids are putting up with this anymore.