ExH and I split in late 2022. I left him
after years of abuse, including physical abuse. Haven’t regretted it for a second. I have a new partner who I am very very happy with, exH has a new girlfriend, I have as little to do with exH as possible. He has our two children every other weekend. He pays bare minimum child support, won’t buy clothes for them to keep at his house, is generally a shit dad and human being. My 9 year old son came home with a bruise on his arm a couple of weeks ago from Dad pinching him. Not the first time my son has been hurt by his father. This has been logged with the police.
I bought exH out of the family home last year. It’s nearly killed me with massive mortgage + peak interest rates, but I am lucky enough to have a great job and have been able to manage. We also co-own a beach house. This is about to be listed for sale - for various logistical reasons it was financially advantageous to delay the sale. (Had we sold a year ago we would have paid circa $150K in extra tax and the market was v v depressed).
When I bought the family home the (substantial) beach house mortgage was paid off from my mortgage to save us from usurious interest rates. Both of us have good jobs - exH earns slightly more than me. He rents a property for about half what I pay in mortgage. ExH is waiting for the beach house to be sold before he buys a house. I gave exH the option of buying me out of my interest in the beach house so he was the sole owner. He refused - he doesn’t want to be “left with it”.
I have never taken my boyfriend to the beach house - in fact have gone to considerable expense booking airbnbs when we have gone away together. My view that when we split was that the beach house was a family home, it was special to our kids and what was once our family and taking new partners there would be disrespectful of that.
Despite this, exH nagged to take his girlfriend there. I said I wasn’t comfortable but I am used to him disregarding my wishes on everything so I said not with the kids there and not sleeping in my bed.
A month later (at Easter) he took the kids away as his sister was visiting from the UK for a family long weekend. Unbeknownst to me (or the kids), the girlfriend was invited. When he was told, my eldest son (9) cried and asked t go home (he told me later). ExH then refused to allow the kids to call me for 48 hours to make sure I didn’t find out.
Since then, exH takes his girlfriend regularly and I can tell they have been sleeping in my bedroom. I have tried to be grey rock about it all tbh as he’s such a lying cunt I can’t be bothered engaging with him.
Over the last month, exH has got very busy preparing the house for sale and announced he was going to plaster and paint the interior walls. This is a man who, in the 21 years we were together, couldn’t paint a doorknob. It transpired that New Gf is quite a dab hand at renovations and plastered and painted 3 bedrooms over the course of a week. For free.
I said to exH that was weird and he could afford to pay someone and I hoped that at least he was paying her… his first reaction was to say “she wants to help!” and the second was to ask me to chip in for half of it. That would be a no.
This weekend just been was a long weekend here and I took the kids to the bach. New Gf has been very busy, reorganising the linen cupboard (I can tell as the towels are folded into thirds, something exH never mastered in 20 years). My wardrobe… with all of my clothes hanging in it … has been tidied up and reorganised.
The house is far from Manderly but at this point the Rebecca vibes are off the chart. My tampons are literally in the bathroom drawer.
My strong suspicion is that exH has told New Gf it’s his house (“I let her have the family home for the kids… I took the beach house in the separation … but I still let her take the kids there on holiday because I’m Such a Great Dad”).
Whether she knows or not, AIBU to find it massively creepy and intrusive and go full Mrs Danvers on both of them?