Not/Thanking people for attending a party?

[ThisQuaintNavySquid]

I threw a party that I spent a lot of time and money organising for a significant birthday. Some people came from far away and I’m so grateful. In the rush to get everything ready and on the table, ensure that everyone was happy, and check that people had everything they needed I didn’t publicly thank people for attending. I did personally thank people and thanked my spouse profusely (personally) for all they did. Someone has mentioned that I didn’t publicly thank my spouse or people for coming. I thought this was okay as I had done a lot of the work, too (it was by no means a one person effort?!) and I thanked people personally.

I was sort of expecting people to thank us for hosting rather than feeling bad for not doing a public thank you. (I find public speaking challenging and I was busy/people were leaving at different times). I didn’t want to make it too formal but I’m not really sad that I didn’t appear grateful.

Did I get this wrong?

*I’m now really sad I didn’t appear grateful.

Sounds like weirdness all round. I wouldn't expect any thank yous from either people really. Maybe when you said bye a brief 'thanks for coming' sounds like you have weird friends.

They are odd. You have done everything right. No need for public thanks.

Who is the " someone" that mentioned your failure to publicly thank people? And why does their opinion of your party matter so much ?

What you did was totally fine.

I'd guess this is someone you (or maybe everyone) can never do anyhting right for?

I wouldn't make a speech, but I'd thank people for coming as they left, probably as I was circulating during the evening. Tbh I don't think I've ever seen it done formally/publicly, except at a very formal do like a wedding.

Personally I’d be thanking you for the invite

Oh god, is this some new kind of digital etiquette borne of the internet age, where if you don't thank everyone on social media, did you even thank them?

Pay no attention op. This can't become a thing. It just can't!

Did you invite the woman who didn't want to go to her DH niece's wedding? Sounds like somebody who was looking for something to complain about. Just have to learn how to tune those misery twats out.

Exactly this.
Sorry but your friend sounds really weird. A personal thanks for coming is lovely. No need for a big public declaration.

Like a public announcement or speech at the party? If you spoke (which people sometimes do at big birthdays) then yes, thanking people for coming is normal. But I wouldn’t have noticed/brought it up if it was missed - that’s rude!

What was the party for. I guess if its something you might give a little speech for then usually you'd include thanks to those attending as part of that but otherwise its just a bit of a get together and you just say thanks while talking to people and they say thanks back.

Oh OP how upsetting for you. I'm always worrying I've made a social faux pas but most the time I haven't and if I have it's not usually something people bring up out the blue. I didn't think this was a thing other than at weddings. You thanked everyone individually which to me would mean much more as you actually mean thank you to me specifically and have taken time out your busy hosting to speak to me. I would ignore this person who is either some sort of etiquette expert or similar or someone who just enjoys picking holes in people's enjoyment. "Pissing on someone's chips" as my grandpa wad fond of saying.

Oh I totally misunderstood!

Still think turning everyone individually is perfectly fine!!

It was a significant birthday with people to our home.

It would be normal to thank people for coming in speeches, but I don't think it's the end of the world if that's overlooked or forgotten.

Rude of the guest to comment on the omission.

And yes, when it's a big do, guests should send the hosts a thank you card or letter (and letter could be by email); and for a smaller do a thank you text, voice call or message on SM.

I think the person raising this is just causing trouble. Hopefully there was a lovely atmosphere and everyone enjoyed the party, no need to feel bad. Perhaps the someone could have stood up and said a public thank you for the invitation and toast the birthday person , then you'd have reciprocated I expect. How rude to criticise after all your work .

There were no speeches. I could have done one but essentially just felt a bit overwhelmed and decided that as everyone was getting on well I would leave it rather than change the terms of the evening. It wasn’t missed out of a speech so much as no speech given at all.

Ignore them

Isn't the good hosting the "thank you" for attending? Traditionally party guests would thank the host for hosting.

In that case OP I fail to understand how/when this mystery commentator expected you to give public thanks? Did they expect you to stand on a chair, chime a spoon on a glass, call for pray silence and give voice to your appreciation for their presence in front of all present?!

You don’t thank people publicly! Otherwise it sounds as if you had to twist people’s arms instead of them coming willingly to share the birthday and give good wishes. It could be upsetting for birthday boy/girl to hear people being thanked, as if coming to the party was a chore.

The "someone" is the weird person here. I wouldn't expect you to publicly thank anyone at your birthday party, nor would I particularly worry about thanking you for hosting.

Demanding you thank your spouse publicly is bizarre. It's a demand of a performance for them.

It's polite to say to people separately 'thank you for coming' in the same way as it's polite for attendees to say 'thank you for having us' at the end. It's still okay to not have this exchange.

Who is this person:people? Causing unnecessary drama?

Someone who doesn’t like you very much obviously…