Not/Thanking people for attending a party?

[ThisQuaintNavySquid]

I threw a party that I spent a lot of time and money organising for a significant birthday. Some people came from far away and I’m so grateful. In the rush to get everything ready and on the table, ensure that everyone was happy, and check that people had everything they needed I didn’t publicly thank people for attending. I did personally thank people and thanked my spouse profusely (personally) for all they did. Someone has mentioned that I didn’t publicly thank my spouse or people for coming. I thought this was okay as I had done a lot of the work, too (it was by no means a one person effort?!) and I thanked people personally.

I was sort of expecting people to thank us for hosting rather than feeling bad for not doing a public thank you. (I find public speaking challenging and I was busy/people were leaving at different times). I didn’t want to make it too formal but I’m not really sad that I didn’t appear grateful.

Did I get this wrong?

I reckon it's his mother (don't feel you have to confirm OP) and she wants everyone to publicly know how wonderful her son is

Nah. Surely the attendees thank you for hosting (and feeding and watering them if applicable). A quick 'thanks for coming' is more than enough, I think.

My guess would be the MIL

Maybe it's a wealth thing, where do you live, Downton Abbey circa 1895?

Send a quick thank you ot it great to see you text.

It’s not a wedding with speeches. It would be weird and over the top to make a grand statement to everyone with yourself as the centre of attention. Usually the person hosting says thank you for coming and the invitee says thanks for inviting me, had a fab time when you say good night at the end. Sometimes you miss people if they need to leave urgently, so I’d follow up the next day and say had a wonderful time thanks for having me, and you’d say thanks for coming, lovely to see you. Anything more would be a bit odd and pretentious.

Very good! This is all so helpful - thank you to everyone who has posted. I’ve struggled with anxiety for some time and in seeking help for it discovered I’m neurodivergent and the anxiousness partly (significantly!) comes from wondering how social etiquette works - so many unwritten rules! When this was brought up (not thanking people publicly) I suddenly got very anxious that I had made a huge error and felt very down about it. Thank you to all for kindly reassuring - it’s helped me a lot.

i think as long as you said to people as they were leaving "thank you for coming" then thats fine......... i host all the time and i don't give speeches to say say thanks just so everyone can hear me say it, i always say thank you though. It sounds like the person that said this to you didn't feel appreciated and wanted a bigger thanks from you, i wouldn't expect anyone to stand up at a home party and say 'thanks' unless they liked making a fuss. don't worry about it

It’s a party, not a wedding.
Usually at goodbye time it would be, well it was lovely to see you, thanks for coming.
Oh you’re welcome … it’s been a lovely evening, thank you for having us.

Maybe a follow up text later in the week to say thank you if for a gift etc … surely that’s about it.

^ This. The guests thank you for inviting them and hosting them. "Thanks for coming" is definitely enough.

I had my 50th birthday party at home and did a little speech and thanked everyone for coming. If I hadn’t have done that I would have definitely thanked everyone individually in conversation, I was genuinely grateful and touched they all came.

They ought to be thanking you for hosting the party, what the dickens is the matter with people?

No, no, no. What is all this drama around supposed etiquette which different factions are making up as they go along? It was nice of you to host and nice of your guests to turn up and/or help. No doubt individual thank yous would be said along the way at some point.

YANBU