£3 busfares will ruin me

[Deportationsensation]

Busfare cap to increase to £3. That’s £6 a day for buses. £10 extra a week.

My food budget for 1 person is £10 a week. So that’s my food money gone to pay for buses.

I can’t work more hours. I do what I can in working part time because I have health issues that would not qualify for PIP but affect me every day. Not qualifying for any benefits other than probably food bank use. Which I will now have to do.

AIBU to just start wondering what is the point? Life isn’t supposed to be like this. Some of us are just trying to survive with no enjoyment in life at all.

Why?

Tiger you don't owe an explanation.

Why are you asking a stranger their medical information?

because my best friend has a condition the medical community questioned any side effects but was able to get benefits because GP provided a full statement

i was trying to help 😧

You are under no obligation to name your condition.

Why is it that you feel the textbooks are out of date which you can determine, but the medical professionals can't?

of course the poster isn’t “under any obligation” 🙄

i asked because thought i might have an example where it was possible to get help despite skepticism med community

if poster doesnt wish to answer, entirely her prerogative

I do live with a chronic illness 😂I live with MS.
So why don’t you try and patronise me again. You might be more successful next time

I'm now sure what the exact wording of your specific question is @LePetitMaman but I'm guessing it's to do with your comment "I'm saying that if you can't prioritise putting food in your mouth over getting multiple beauty treatments, then you need to accept that is the issue. It's not that you have no money. You just want to spend beyond your means on luxury items then pretend you had no agency over that choice, or are entitled/deserve it."

I would (and do) spend money on lashes/brows and prioritise it over healthy food some weeks. I even use my PIP to pay for these. Judge away! I fully accept responsibility for what you are judging me for.

I have alopecia (as part multiple disabilities) and it's fucking shit. It's something that for some reason is the final nail in the coffin for me when I've lost everything else like career, health, life with my DC, mobility, normal lifespan etc. It just depresses the hell out of me and makes me so down on top of everything else. So I pay for specialist lashes and brows and use my PIP and yes, some weeks I'll eat toast/cereal to pay for it. It makes me feel like a million dollars when I have them done, I look forward so much to having them done, and my mental health is just as important as my physical health (and it's something, unlike my physical health I can control). They make me happy. Maybe I'm vain and superficial, I don't know. I just know it's something that makes me happy and I will prioritise it, while I can.

No doubt you'll judge me and say my money would be better spent on therapy as I'm clearly fucked up, but I have a limited time left, I want my DC to remember me looking smiley and enjoy having photos taken with them. I wear nice nighties and I bat my lashes. I want to think I look slightly glamorous and pretty, I know in reality I'm more like a half dead half bald vampire crossed with Barbara Cartland, but fuck it. I feel pretty and it makes me feel happy.

I believe I'm entitled to make this choice and you believe you're entitled to judge me for it <shrug> I know who I'd rather be out of the two of us. I know which kind of person I'd rather be. I sure don't go around judging people "the minute they open their mouth". If I was, I think I'd feel a bit ashamed of myself and wouldn't admit it, let alone be proud of it.

But I bet you do prioritise your kid's food, just cut back your own. As is your choice and of course fine.

I also feel proud that I can resist just saying "go fuck yourself you patronising judgemental twat" to some people, and I will take the time to try and give an insight into the reasons why some people make choices that seem illogical to other people. To explain to the judgemental people, who aren't living the life of the "judged" and have no insight at all. Maybe it'll help educate or at least give a different perspective. Maybe not.

Of course, and they're self sufficient adults. They'll also get a life insurance payout, and they can spend it on whatever the hell they like. Hopefully it's something that gives them happiness and not day to day bills, if that makes sense!

Totally does.

You think hair replacement items for a medical condition you have is the same thing as getting your nails, lashes, "the works, I'm so high maintenance"....but I'm forced to survive on a tenner a week for food.

I didn't realise quoting someone's post would make it so hard for people to follow.

It is this question. By this poster. Which I echoed.

This. The whole thing doesn’t make sense. 🤷‍♀️

Keep reading, you'll soon see why....

@LePetitMaman I'm not quite sure how to say this in a way that won't be deleted, but you really are coming across as quite stupid in the way you miss the points people are trying to make. You come across as though you have no compassion at all. I'm not sure whether you're being deliberately obtuse, or judgemental in a goady way, or if you really genuinely don't get it. Perhaps if you re-read and try and understand a bit better, it might help. It's really depressing that you work with a charity as your posts are so judgemental and close minded.I just feel for the people you come into contact with via the charity. I wonder if you tell anyone there you judge them "the minute they open their mouth".

I have reached the limit of my willingness to engage with you.

@BattingMyLashes I bet you look gorgeous. You sound a bit like my mum. And your children are going to remember with pleasure how much pride you took in your appearance.

Feel free to report my post, but it's really not meant as a personal attack, I'm just trying to explain how you come across, particularly in some of your comments.

Lol.

Not allowing people openly abuse a charity so the people who genuinely need it, isn't judgemental. It's essential.

But if that's all you can understand, despite what's written down, then it's not much anyone can do about that. Are you truly incapable seeing the difference between replacement hair products for a sufferer of alopecia, who then cuts their cloth accordingly if they've spent quite a bit on that, Vs claiming you only have £10 a week to spend on food and an extra £1 on the bus is the problem...whilst you spend on multiple beauty treatments, nails, lashes, "the works, I'm sooo high maintenance"

Just to be really clear, you can't comprehend the difference in those very disparate scenarios.

I don't report posts. I'm capable of speaking freely and think others should be able too.

Oh thank you, I know I am not gorgeous, it's objectively obvious I look ill. But I feel a bit happier when I have long lashes so at least I smile. Ironically I spent years trying to teach my DDs about feminism/judging on appearances/patriarchy etc and didn't even wear make up until I became ill! God knows what happened there none of my DCs wear lashes or even make up themselves, but of course they are stunningly naturally beautiful with natural long lashed Bambi eyes. I'll take the credit, fuck it

Well we agree on that at least!

Perhaps the answer lies somewhere around how people instantly judge "beauty treatments" before they learn they could be "replacement hair products". Anyway I will step away, I really never manage to do that when I say I will!

As I said earlier on the thread, an hour in my charity and you would see the sad truth.

And yes I could give you a hundred cases of people who were anxious, felt humiliated walking into our centre, and I can spot that a mile off as well. I don't even ask them about their circumstances. I'm not sorry that I've seen tens of thousands of people and can spot the sad patterns of speech and behaviour that exists amongst the "80% crowd." It's something we teach all our employees to look for. It's a necessity in order that the funding reaches the right people.

I can see it grates on you that we are able to spot the consistent patterns amongst people who abuse the charity. Equally we can spot the genuine people a mile off too. I'm not listing the little things that alert us to genuine need for obvious reasons. You don't have to like that we can. We have too.

Yes, we are fallible. But confidently, we can call it 99% of the time. I think if you saw the brazenness of literally 80% of people and their repulsed faces and refusal when we try to give them actual food and not vouchers, you'd be quite astonished.

@LePetitMaman I wish people would stop shouting you down. I'm curious about what it's like working for a charity like that when a high percentage of people seem inauthentic - do you get angry with them? Do you think they have some real need even if not as much as the 20%?