To be upset by the way this man spoke to me?

[TrotFox]

I’ve been awake since 4am and can’t get back to sleep because I feel so confused and upset by an incident that took place yesterday. I need to give a bit of back story so will be a bit long. Skip to the 3rd paragraph if you don’t want to read the back story

I’ve been wanting a career change for a little while now. Been researching things that I could possibly be interested in and thought I would look into dog grooming. I researched it quite a bit and spoke to other people about it (one of my friends is a dog groomer so spoke to her as well). I found a course, went along for an open day, decided I would try it so paid for it (£4,000). It’s about 2 hours away from me so I had been going once a week and staying over in a B&B the night before.

I’ve been doing it for 2 months and quickly realised I had made a mistake and it wasn’t for me. I had never done anything like this before so wasn’t to know if I’d enjoy it or not. I kept on going, spoke to my boyfriend and family about how I wasn’t enjoying it and the more I got into it I started to dread going. I would be kept awake with anxiety the night before I did a session and decided I couldn’t keep spending money on B&Bs and giving myself anxiety over something that I don’t have to do, it’s just a choice.

I went to my session yesterday and told the manager there that unfortunately I would like to drop out. The owner of the company asked to speak to me and took me off to a private room. I explained all of my reasoning and let him know that it wasn’t any reflection on his company, the people have been friendly and helpful etc and it’s nothing to do with the place, I’ve just realised it’s not for me and it’s a lesson learned to not fork out a sum of money for something I don’t know if I’ll enjoy! Well… he was so patronising. He told me “I don’t think this is the only thing going on here” I was so confused. He told me I should get some help for my anxiety and maybe go on medication. I explained I don’t have anxiety in general, and have never suffered anything like this before. He seemed to take it personally and say “well in 10 years you are the only person who has ever done this” which made me feel more like shit and a failure, as that’s already what I felt like. He said “do you think I don’t have problems and struggles? There are people dying in wars out there and you think you’ve got it bad” but I never said I had anything bad! All I said was that I have tried this course and learnt that it’s not for me as I’m not enjoying it and don’t feel like I can continue. He told me he was bullied as a kid and it has made him resilient (how is this relevant?!?) and that I need to seek professional help. I started getting frustrated because I felt like he wasn’t listening to me and trying to make out like there’s something wrong with me, when I just didn’t want to do the bloody course! A little tear slipped out because I was getting annoyed and was trying to hold back my frustration. When he saw that, he got a smug look on his face and a smirk and said “oh dear. There really is a lot going on isn’t there?” HUH?! There’s nothing going on?! I’m not depressed, I’m not anxious or anything like that I was so so confused by this whole conversation and just feeling frustrated.

A few other things were said, the conversation went of for a long time and in the end when he realised I wasn’t changing my mind he told me to wait outside while he got my things and practically threw them at me. I said “thanks for the opportunity” (why was I still being polite?) and he said “yep” and shut the door in my face.

AIBU to think that the things he said to me were rude and patronising? I can’t make a complaint because he is the owner but I’m so confused by the whole thing and don’t think I deserved to be told that there’s something wrong with me mentally.

How awfully rude of him. How dare he 'suggest' you go on medication? He's a dodgy dog grooming course owner, not a fucking psychiatrist?
Is there a governing body for such things? I doubt it. It sounds extortionatly expensive as well. Surely local colleges offer level 2 or 3 dog grooming for less? I'd leave him a bad review.
Why should he care that you quit anyway? He's got his money. Weirdo.

Some men need to be told to fuck off more often, and he sounds like one of them.

Put in a complaint and demand your money back. This man was a bullying arsehole - he will
continue to do this until someone complains and he is looked into. Don’t let him get away with this behaviour. Misogynistic without doubt, he would never say all this to a man.

If its an accredited course, I'd complain very loudly to the accreditation body that he is not fit to run the course. Dreadful behaviour.

Yes, complain and ask for your money back. This behaviour from him is unacceptable.

Yanbu. The manager has bullied and belittled you for leaving his course. A lot of people would be very wary of handling snappy dogs. Do keep a detailed record of this conversation and tell the accreditation body about his behaviour. If he’s done this with you, it’s likely he’s done it to others as well.

He was well out of order OP, I hope you are feeling better now. So sorry for your money, time and effort, for this....
Grooming is not easy, at all. I do watch a groomer on youtube, she videos and posts animals with difficult situations, like long coat and hate grooming. She is really good. Yet, both dogs and cats try to bite her, cry and have to be there for hours indeed. I do love pets, yet mine have grooming, even gentle brushing. We all end up upset on the once a month nail clipping and brushing. I could not do this as a job, I do not think.
You will find something else to love.

He’s overstepped the mark immensely. I think you should make a formal complaint about the company. Is he the owner or just one of the people teaching the course.

Yes he’s projecting and has a sensitive ego. Any normal person would have asked you if there’s anything they coyld do to change your mind. Respected your decision and given a warm goodbye.

In that case I WOULD make a complaint, not only to him but also report his behaviour to the accrediting organisation. This is abusive behaviour.

see if they are on Trust Pilot and leave a review on their, they can’t remove that, also on Google, they can’t remove those either.

Sounds like it’s a ‘him’ problem not you. You’ve inadvertently triggered some kind of feelings in him and he let it all out on you.
You did the right thing, better to walk away now than to invest lots of money and time and either feel trapped or lose more.
Out of interest though, how was he making you feel during the course?
He sounds a bit tricky to get on with and I wonder if he has affected your confidence along the way? I’m a dog groomer and it can be nerve wracking at time but I was fortunate to have been taught by someone who was really encouraging to her students and her dogs.
Just wondering if it’s worth doing a bit of unpaid work to see if you might benefit from a change of environment. Incase it was him rather than the profession.
Try not to give him a second thought, I think he has a lot to work on that he has projected on to you xx

As I said in my previous post, I’m a dog groomer. Have been for 10+ years and this type of scenario makes me anxious even now if it’s a dog I don’t know. It’s part of the job but he would have known which of his clients dogs can be aggressive and I don’t think he should have given you them to groom until you’d had a bit more experience. No wonder you felt anxious about going in.
When you are learning how to scissor or clip, the last thing you need is to be worrying about whether the dog is about to snap. Even if they are muzzled, they still move quickly and unpredictably. The lady who taught me would often groom any aggressive dogs herself and would demonstrate while she groomed them how to handle them.
It sounds like he hasn’t given you a particularly good experience all round and I wonder how many other students feel the same.
Dog grooming is pretty unregulated (which is way many people can just set up without qualifications) but it may be worth a chat with the Pet Industry Federation. If he is registered with them there are codes of conduct that he should work to. They may be interested to know what’s going on. They could certainly give you advice on how to take it further.

He doesn’t do the teaching so I never saw him day to day. He just happened to be there when I went in and said I won’t be continuing, and then he asked to speak to me privately. I couldn’t really fault the people that worked there and were doing the training, they were great and most of the people succeed there and really enjoy it. It’s just a case of the job not suiting me that’s all, which I would’ve though is fair enough, but not according to him 😬

He was being patronising and thought that if you are going to pay £4k for a course then you’d stick to it rather than wasting your money.

Having said that as you were paying extra to go to the session then it makes sense to cut your losses.

He shouldn’t have been so patronising and let you drop out without giving you his opinion. I get what he means about people not staying the course and being resilient and dropping out of stuff when the going gets tough but that’s not something you say to someone to their face. Also, he shouldn’t of mentioned anxiety etc… even if the way you are responding to this situation seems like you do have anxiety which most people do in new situations and it’s not a bad thing.

I would just draw a line under it and not worry about what he saying. His opinion doesn’t matter and at least you tried something new and can strike that off as something you don’t want to do. Maybe in the future do more research and spend time with the people doing the job before you fork out £4k as seems like a lot of money to waste on something you are not sure on.