Friend excluding my child

[LilacAnt]

Im in a group of friends from university, all of us have children within a few years of each other.

we usually all contribute an amount for children’s birthdays and buy a couple of bigger presents.

one friend has done this for every other child than mine and clearly regifted something when it’s come to my child. I’ve no issues with the friend, so I can’t understand why.

how would you feel about this? What would you do?

Just once? Maybe she didn’t have much money that month. Perhaps her child recieved a duplicate which she thought your child would really enjoy.

It sounds like she hasn’t excluded them. She has just done some thing different than usual.

Is this a once off and she is maybe having financial issues?
If it's more than once then you have to speak to her about it, because if it's intentional then she isn't a friend and you have nothing to lose by asking her about it

I would probably be petty and next time there was a birthday and you were asked to contribute, I'd ask why your child was treated differently.

I presume when it's her kids birthdays, someone else steps in?

So everyone else has put money in? Just not this one? If I’m honest, how long are you going to keep this up? Some people like being frugal and passing unwanted things on. Some actually need to. Maybe she’s gone green? Just do the same when it’s her DCs birthday. Personally I’d just reduce to a small present for Christmas. Birthdays is over the top. So overall I’d ignore it and maybe she’s not got the money. Sounds an expensive habit.

To add some context it’s not just once.

also I don’t think it’s financial issues as there was a birthday either side and she contributed for both

Sometimes finances change or maybe the friend thought the gift would be suitable . I also regift. Not because I think less of the gift or the giver/receiver of the gift.

But just because that's what's more suitable at the time.

It doesnt sound like your child has been excluded.

Did your child like the gift? Surely that’s all that matters.

So did your child get something from the rest of the group and an individual present from this friend? Or did nobody else contribute and your child only get a present from the friend?

Sorry I’ve not made it clear when I’ve read it back.

the group got something for my child and the one friend didn’t contribute, then clearly regifted something quite random. This is despite that friend contributing for other children’s birthdays either side of my child’s birthday.

Have the others noticed?

I would think it’s odd but would let it go if this is a one off in an otherwise caring friendship. If not, I will reassess the relationship and match her efforts.

You’ll have to knock this on the head pretty soon. What would happen is, for example, one in the group had 4 dc and another had only one? It just gets insane.

She’s indicating she doesn’t want to keep this up for whatever reason. I’d be delighted and suggest we stop and do something else instead. Children generally get far too much already.

Blatant re-gifting is the definition of rude. I would be handing it back and saying 'sorry, my child won't like that, just as yours clearly didn't when it was given to him/her'.

So your other friends gave a group gift and this friend gave a personal present. This seems like your child is getting favoured treatment, not being left out!
Did your child enjoy the personalised gift?

You will refuse a gift given to your child? That is way ruder than re-gifting. You hopefully won’t do this in front of your child and setting an awful example.

Surely the others noticed? Has anyone said anything?

it was noted but they don’t know what the gift was

it definitely wasn’t thought through. About as random as you could get, as in my child is a 5 year old girl into unicorns and got a 16+ boys PlayStation game type of random.

I don't agree.

Regifting is fine if some thought has been put into it - but a random off-loading of stuff that your child doesn't want is rude and thoughtless.

So did they like the gift or not? It still isn’t clear to me.

I think you're being a bit unreasonable. My daughter gets so many presents once you include party gifts, it's over the top and most of them are fairly generic and random. I also feel I spend a small fortune on presents for other people's children through the year.

I'm not surprised your friend feels it's a better use of her money and resources to simply regift one of them rather than spend money yet again.

It's not something that would particularly even stand out to me as it seems common here to do this anyway.

I bet many of your friends would be relieved if you all agreed to cease all this gifting to each other’s kids for 2025.

Even if it’s not about the expense for everyone, it’s a lot of expectation and realistically, these kids probably get enough from their families…

At the point where some people start regifting their unwanted and unsuitable tat, it’s really time to stop exchanging gifts completely with those people.

Read the OP’s update.
If it was obviously something not intended for the child, and just ‘whatever we had to hand’, then yes we would. Why should effort go into everyone else’s presents except one child?

FWIW I would be knocking the whole thing on the head and just sending cards.

Posting again as I misunderstood and thought no one was pitching in for your child.
Is it possible that your child's birthday falls at an expensive time for her? Although if it has happened before.....
Maybe it's time to suggest knocking the group present buying on the head

The OP responded after my post. In any case, I will not be rude to anyone who has given my child a gift, re-gifted or not.

I do agree it's probably better to stop these collections as it gets too demanding. Perhaps OP's current situation is a sign of gift collection fatigue and nothing personal.