Friend excluding my child

[LilacAnt]

Im in a group of friends from university, all of us have children within a few years of each other.

we usually all contribute an amount for children’s birthdays and buy a couple of bigger presents.

one friend has done this for every other child than mine and clearly regifted something when it’s come to my child. I’ve no issues with the friend, so I can’t understand why.

how would you feel about this? What would you do?

Seriously?? That’s just plain rude.

I would regift it back! Or have it as a pass the parcel around the group.The last one to get it decided what to do with it! Someone else might love it. I am wondering if this was a protest at too much giving for too many birthdays and the OP’s DD has borne the brunt of it. You could take it to a charity shop and thank the giver on your Facebook group.

In that case I would have faked naiveness and told my friend she must have mixed some gifts up and now a teenager will have been gifted a unicorn.
It is weird to do this. I understand if you feel miffed, like everyone gets something special and she doesn't want to make an effort for your child...

Have you discussed it with other group members?

I'd probably suggest a vote on wether to continue with group gifts

Or if someone feels comfortable to ask her if she would prefer not to be involved going forward

If it's really this clearly only your child that is getting excluded by this person then there is clearly a problem, what you do about it is difficult. Is there someone you're both close to in the group you could maybe sound out about it possibly?

Is yours the youngest child by any chance? If so you might need to remind your friend that you have contributed for over 16 years to her kid, so she doesn’t just get to ignore yours. Assuming you did of course.

What is she like as a friend to YOU? If she's close with you, then it is odd. Did something happen between you and her, or between her kid and your kid?

But if she's only your friend because you belong to the same social circles and you don't really hang out together as a pair much, then I'd just ignore it. You are just now very close with that particular person and she doesn't care that much. I know it sucks but there's always closer and looser bonds in bigger friendship groups.

Is your child’s birthday in January?
Mine is and over the years I have been regifted all sorts of rubbish that g head obviously been received for Christmas. Either that or they have bought something that was cheap in the sales because it didn’t sell.

The 5yo and 16yo nature of the gift is OP's interpretation, I would like to know the actual gift and actual child age.

Regardless, you got a gift so if you don't like it just regift it. My DS was given a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle of flowers... for his 4th birthday, from a 4yo close friend! We laughed at home that they are never organised and the mum must have been rinsing round the house in a panic on party day. It's the definition of grabby to be angry about specific gifts. I agree with the others that it's probably past time to knock this friendship gift circle on the head, then you can just buy something your kids want instead.