Am I becoming a Cinderella?

[CalmCat345]

Without the happy ending of course !
I’m just trying to see if someone else has been in similar position and any advice you might have if what I’m going through is ok.

Married for 6 years with a 15 months DC now.
I love my child and I am never bored around my DC, I can literally be with my DC all day long / going out or at home . However my issue is am I starting to lose myself in motherhood ? I have never looked more let down to be honest, I am staying at home mum now - my husband always has time for his hobbies which are gaming & gym - he doesn’t go out much it’s once in a while maybe to see his friends so he is at home but when he is doing his hobby he makes sure that I am
not allowed to ask for any help.
however today he wrote me a message that he will be busy even more now as he will be gaming 3 days a week x 3 hours( so 9hours a week, in the most crucial time when baby needs dinner and prepare for bedtime ) and plus going to gym.
it’s like a booked session so if the house is burning he will still go and start his session.

Since our DC was born he has never ever put her to bed, never woke up in the middle of the night to comfort her or to put her to bed as I’m with our DC All the time.

I’m still breastfeeding so it’s been 15 months of constant comfort & food from me
our DC never took bottle nor any other milk
I try so hard to give my DC cow milk but just refuses
I will ask for help so many times to wean DC off he really doesn’t care
i am cooking breakfast/ lunch / dinner every day
coffee/ tea / hot chocolate
when guests are coming im hosting food/ drinks/ doing shopping
im responsible for DC toys/ clothes selling/ buying so for my husband too
he might help with dishes occasionally but it’s always when it suits him
i just feel like im becoming a maid
or maybe im already one
and i feel this is all because im financially dependent on him - but it was a mutual agreement for me to stay at home not for him to take an advantage of me

When you are a sahm you do childcare, cleaning/cooking etc during the time partner works. When partner is off it should be roughly 50-50. He's just being lazy and selfish because you let him get away with it.

Booking gaming time during the period when he could be helping is selfish, you are both entitled to pursue hobbies of course, but not to the detriment of your family, & certainly when you have young children, time alone, hobbies have to be fit in, not be a priority.
You shouldn't have to explain this to him that this 'gaming time' isn't going to work, but because it has become your normal for you to do 100% childcare, he clearly thinks this is ok.
You need to have a chat about it all, make him see that being a SAHM is ok, but everything falling to you regardless of whether he is home or not, is not really fair.

I’m the same OP - except I also talk to the wildlife in my garden - I’m definitely Cinderella 😂

Your mutual agreement no longer works, I'm afraid and your husband really doesn't sound like he wants to be part of the family. SAHP works for some and definitely not for others and, I am afraid you are the latter case. I wouldn't put up with it. I'd rather my child was in a nursery and me at work and bin the gamer. But that's me.

I take it you're also allowed 9 hours a week hobby time plus gym while he parents and looks after the home?

No, I didn't think so.

Now he is upset because I told him I think that’s selfish of him to increase his hobby time as I thought it’s already hard for me

and on the top of this anytime I ask him something he doesn’t like he keeps insulting me like “ cow, crazy, you are lost, idiot “

I got few insults too here & there weekly & “we are done, I want divorce “

Umm and you put up with this why?

Because I’m quite isolated, I’m far away from my family, where do I go with a 15 month baby, with no job no child support whatsoever ?

Has he been a twat? What do you mean 'not allowed help'? Can you go to your family? This will only get worse.

Could you move back to your family as a temporary measure? I know it all possibly sounds daunting but this is no life for you like this.
If he won’t listen to you, take on board what you’re telling him and his response is to call you names, then you have to start to make a plan for you and your child
I hope you can find something that works

Go home with your baby, you'll get child maintenance off him and at least 50% of assets inc any equity in house (if you / he owns), plus benefits whilst you get on your feet

stop putting up with this crap - get yourself back to work and financially independent.

accept that you won’t be able to be full time sahm

and get ready to leave him

he wont change. And you don’t deserve this life.

Agree - if you can go back to your family just go

My family lives in another country - I lost my mum, my biggest support because of cancer last year :(

he just came back from work and he is not talking to me because I was brave enough to write a message “ I think you are being selfish increasing your hobby hours “ - he has been sarcastic since then and running around the house like a lunatic

Could you not tell he was this much of a dickhead before you had a child with him?

.

He’s getting away with murder so far put a stop to it.

You need to get a job (easier said than done I know), and see a solicitor about divorce and what you will be entitled to. You can't carry on like this it's no life.

Why is he communicating with you by message? As everyone else has said this isn’t acceptable - yabu for accepting it

He's emotionally abusive, OP.

You need to regain your independence.

This is not a healthy environment for a child to grow up in OP. And it's not healthy for you. He's abusive and it won't get any better. You would be better off alone. Talk to your GP who can guide you further. You can make it on your own OP because you are already alone. You are eligible for benefits time to find work and daycare and pass by CMS who will calculate child support for you. This is not a life.

To your family!

Pack up and go with your baby.

If you’re able to stay with them while you get on your feet and help out with childcare while you get a job that would be fab.

If the house is rented - fuck it.

If owned - file for divorce and force a sale, get your cut.

This isn’t a partner, this is a selfish lazy user. You don’t have to put up with it, you don’t have to stay with him.

Could you move to your family for a while. I know they're not in the UK.
Could you go to getva break and have some time to think ?

What ever you do don't put up with this. You're worth so much more.