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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not do 'Elf on the shelf'

231 replies

Alottodoaboutssomething · 29/10/2024 09:58

I understand it as a magical annoying elf turning up 1st December, to watch your children, and report their behaviour back to the North Pole. However, it back fires when it is the "naughty" elf who infact is the one who needs watching. This is demonstrated by his antics each night (set up by the lucky parent who has to think of various mischievous predicaments for 24 days)! Please correct me if I am wrong on this.

I promise I am not a grinch! We do crafts, baking, advent calendars, small Christmas box with night before Christmas book, Santa key, leaving mince pie, carrot on Christmas eve etc in the lead up. I just find the elf idea creepy, especially the whole watching/monitoring idea. Surely it could lead to a "mummy is this you doing this?" and create further risk of them questioning Santa as well. I don't know if this has happened to anybody!

Dc1 has asked about his elf, and I don't want to do it, and feel mean, because the other kids get it visiting them. I don't want a festive squatter in my home!

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 29/10/2024 19:57

I wasn’t going to do it, but dd felt left out and thought she had done something wrong. Our elf did not get up to misbehavior. I also never said our elf was watching her behavior. I hate the idea that children have to be good to get presents and we do not reinforce that idea in our home.

We just played a game where the doll moved around our house and dd looked for it. It wasn’t long before she took over and stated hiding it for us. I think that started the year grandpa indulged her with a life size skeleton for Halloween. She poses that thing all over the house. It was in our bed the other night.

Genevie82 · 29/10/2024 20:51

@Swanbeauty
🤣🤣🤣

Original poster
Alottodoaboutssomething · 29/10/2024 22:04

UpsyDaisysarmpit · 29/10/2024 18:37

As other posters said similarly, I have a neurodivergent couple of teens, and we never did elf on the shelf or any of the naughty/nice stuff as it just confused and upset them. I once did a PNP video for my eldest that said he was headed for the naughty list when he was 4, and after how upset it made him, no more. He was always very unsettled with his behaviour due to the change around Christmas. I told my youngest that we don't have Santa Cam or the Elf because Santa knows she is very good so she was 'pre-approved' and will not be on the naughty list.

I love that, the idea of being preapproved, I am going to use. You reminded me of when we did one of those Santa videos, and it didn't go down well with one of mine. I'm going to tell dh in no uncertain terms we are not doing that this year. It was lovely until they mentioned the naughty/nice stuff.
I think the mystery is better, and more magical anyway! It is already bad enough that dc1 will ask why all of the Santas are different, and i keep having to say they're his helpers when he is too busy to go!

OP posts:
Baconandddddeggs · 29/10/2024 22:32

If you have the time and energy to do it and it will bring you and your kids joy - then go for it!!!

Personally - I do not have the headspace, nor energy for this and do plenty of other advent / Christmas prep that I love doing - so I will pass on this one.

Never feel pressured to do anything!!!! - ‘because everyone else is doing it’ doesn’t mean anything to me!!! Just do what matters to you.

Make your own family traditions and celebrate how YOU want to !

Eenameenadeeka · 30/10/2024 05:09

We have a very sweet looking jellycat one, not the creepy plastic faced one and it only does nice things like bring little treats etc. And I've never told them it's reporting on their behavior either.

malificent7 · 30/10/2024 05:21

The elf is not a thing in my house...dd is not scarred for life.

malificent7 · 30/10/2024 05:37

Tell your kids that the elf was so naughty that he got drunk, fell into the bin and couldn't get out again.

Banana34 · 30/10/2024 07:38

I’ve never done the bloody thing. My girls have made it to 19 and 12 with no ill effect from not having the horrid little things in our house.

ReadWithScepticism · 30/10/2024 07:48

malificent7 · 30/10/2024 05:37

Tell your kids that the elf was so naughty that he got drunk, fell into the bin and couldn't get out again.

Or: Set up a death scene where the elf has its hands and legs cable-tied and a plastic bag over its head. Explain that Santa Claus had the elf murdered for 'going easy' on the children by not reporting all their misdemeanours.

You could even cut its eyes out and leave a note from Santa: "He turned a blind eye -- now he turns a blind eye to everything."

I am watching too much Better Call Saul and picturing Santa as Gustavo Fring. After all, they are both head distribution networks and have masses of spies.

atesomanybananas · 30/10/2024 07:51

I did the elf for years .. as DC grew up it became a fun game of how inventive mum could be (they Always knew it was me). Now DC is away at uni and I’ve already decided I’ll send them daily photos during December of the elf’s antics. The difference now of course is that I can do lots of scenarios at my leisure and don’t have the ‘shit, it’s midnight, what on earth do I do’ .

GameOfJones · 30/10/2024 07:53

Not a thing in our house either, I hate the bloody things. DDs are 7 and 5 and I think it was DD1 that asked last year whether we would have an elf like her friends at school. I just told her that we didn't need anyone to come and spy on her and DD2 because I already know they're good girls and Father Christmas will bring them a stocking.

I hate Christmas being used by parents as a behaviour tool. I am the biggest fan of Christmas. We bake, I sometimes decorate in November (!), we cover the house in lights, I start buying presents in summer, we visit Father Christmas, do Christmas light safaris etc etc but Elf on the Shelf can fuck off.

WhatNoRaisins · 30/10/2024 08:00

ReadWithScepticism · 30/10/2024 07:48

Or: Set up a death scene where the elf has its hands and legs cable-tied and a plastic bag over its head. Explain that Santa Claus had the elf murdered for 'going easy' on the children by not reporting all their misdemeanours.

You could even cut its eyes out and leave a note from Santa: "He turned a blind eye -- now he turns a blind eye to everything."

I am watching too much Better Call Saul and picturing Santa as Gustavo Fring. After all, they are both head distribution networks and have masses of spies.

Show quote history

This is what worries me. If I did the Elf I'd probably get too subversive with the scenes I'd want to set up.

sofiamofia · 30/10/2024 08:02

The elf comes to our house. We didn't do it until DC started school and everyone else had one.

It's just a bit of fun and doesn't take much time.

He doesn't check up on DC or report back to Santa though; I don't see the point of something that's meant to be fun but also makes kids worry all month that they may not get presents.

FasterMichelin · 30/10/2024 08:03

Never done it and never will. We celebrate Christmas and have a lovely time, elf on the shelf is not obligatory.

CostelloJones · 30/10/2024 08:10

Nope. Elf is not invited to our house thank you! (Mainly because I can’t be bothered to something every day)

but DSs school actually have a school elf and they take great delight in seeing what he’s been up to. They have a cheeky elf and the
children teach him manners by demonstrating it themselves and actually it seems to work

I’m all for Christmas bedding though, it’s not like we get new stuff every year - we look forward to bringing out the Christmas bedsheets again!

Parker231 · 30/10/2024 08:15

Harrriet · 29/10/2024 10:17

No Elf
No Boo boxes
No Christmas eve boxes.
No Christmas bedding.
No Christmas nightwear.
The end.
We do lots of other things though!

We’ve never done them - nor have any of DC’s friends families. We’ve survived and still happy!

Swanbeauty · 30/10/2024 15:39

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at OP's request.

Swanbeauty · 30/10/2024 15:40

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at OP's request.

StrawberryCCC · 30/10/2024 15:45

I love our elf. It doesn’t watch behaviour or fly back to Santa to tell tales though. It’s just mischievous.

Every morning my DC run around trying to find where the elf is!! It’s funny listening to them. When they find him, they run back upstairs to tell me what he’s done… and then I act exasperated 😂 Usually it’s toothpaste writing on a mirror, toilet paper around the Christmas tree, string hung all around the kitchen ceiling, flour snow angels on the hallway floor.

Sometimes he leaves little gifts or a treasure hunt 🤩

I’ll be doing the elf for the rest of eternity haha. Even when it’s just DH and me!!

iolaus · 30/10/2024 16:09

Shame on the first day visiting he tried watching TV

Now the idea may have been designed for one day - but what if 'your' elf just can't get out?

- YouTube

Enjoy the videos and music that you love, upload original content and share it all with friends, family and the world on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsEfC9BGv1c

mathanxiety · 30/10/2024 16:13

So much pressure to do this, see that!

Christmas boxes, special.pajamas, pantomime, the dratted Elf, baking, mugs of cocoa, Nativity plays, Christmas jumpers...

Why do we pile it on so much? It just wears everyone out, including the children.

Sceptical123 · 30/10/2024 16:19

Singleandproud · 29/10/2024 10:17

I did it before it became a 'thing', our elf just added to the Christmas magic and he never did anything naughty and certainly no reporting back to Santa. I hate parents using Santa as a behaviour tool.

1st year we did it I wasn't at work so put in way more effort.

Subsequent years our Elf had been promoted to Elf supervisor and had to go and watch the other 'naughty' elves M-F but stopped off each night to hide a chocolate coin with a little sprinkle of gold glitter (instead of an advert calendar)
At the weekend DD would wake up to find the Elf sat with whatever Christmases thing we would have done normally that day

  • ingredients for making salt dough decorations
  • ingredients for making mince pies
  • sat in the 1/2 dressed Christmas tree with the some decorations left out for DD to do
  • Delivering books of Christmas stories (same ones each year)
  • once the school holidays started delivering Christmas sticker and colouring books.
  • I'm a single parent so would make a big fuss of wanting a particular something (new book / cd / perfume etc) and then have the Elf deliver said thing to DD with gift wrapping materials - gift bag and shredded paper when little then wrapping paper (same wrapping paper as Santa's gift to her ofcourse) etc when she was a bit older. And she would keep it secret and proudly hand me my present on Christmas morning.

I also used him to deliver DDs Jack Valentine present (it's a Victorian Norfolk thing) and she wasn't impressed 😁 as she wanted Jack. And to deliver Easter Arts and Crafts at the start of the school holidays - all stuff we would have done anyway but with a bit of added Elf magic and a sprinkle of glitter

Edited

This post is lovely - full of fabulous ideas and I especially like the one where you buy yourself a present but your daughter wraps it - magical 💫✨

JubileeJuice · 30/10/2024 16:27

I loved doing the Elf for mine and was gutted when they got too old. I then did it for my class at school, who really loved it, and the ones who didn't get an elf at home got to participate too.

He didn't do anything naughty though. Just cute things I could then use as a learning activity for whatever we were doing that day.

TheKeatingFive · 30/10/2024 16:32

I'm a single parent so would make a big fuss of wanting a particular something (new book / cd / perfume etc) and then have the Elf deliver said thing to DD with gift wrapping materials - gift bag and shredded paper when little then wrapping paper (same wrapping paper as Santa's gift to her ofcourse) etc when she was a bit older. And she would keep it secret and proudly hand me my present on Christmas morning.

This is lovely. I'm just imagining how your DD must have felt being able to hand that over 🥰

Laiste · 30/10/2024 16:43

No elf here.

DD (now 9) did ask a couple of years ago why we don't have an elf and i told her i don't one in the house. We have the happy pink sparkly elf who she takes out of the decoration box when we do the tree and sits nicely on the mantle piece and that will do us.

DD was thoughtful - then seemed pleased.

Last year DD went to a sleep over around xmas time and the 4 girls (same class in school) scared themselves silly about the bloody elf turning it's head to see them in the dark and DD had be to be picked up at 2am 🙄

SIL is slightly mental about it IMO. She does OTT hilarious antics with the thing and posts pics on face book. Apparently. I'm not on there.