To feel sad how my life turned out?

[abonymousAnon]

I have 2 young kids in primary school. Moved to London around 12 years ago. I’ve always been quiet and reserved but had some good friends who I’ve lost contact with. The thing is when I moved to London I never really felt like I made any friends. Pre-kids My work colleagues were not very friendly and I didn’t have time for hobbies as work took up so much time. Work people would go out for dinner and drinks and not invite me for example.

I feel the school mums not very friendly either and the nice ones seem to have a very busy life with family living nearby and friends since childhood to keep them busy. I just feel so lonely. I’ve really tried but truthfully I have limited energy and it takes a lot for me to be sociable. I’m glad to have my space sometimes but most times I feel so alone. How would you go about changing your life if you were me?

Like others have said your life hasn't "turned out" anyway. You are still living it. And it can and will change. I have had periods when I felt like I had only one or two friends and even trying to meet up with them was a struggle because they were always so busy. I have also had periods when I was turning down events because I just had too many social events to handle. Your life with the children will change as they get older and there is so much happening in London for you to choose from - book clubs, running or walking groups, cycling, theatre goers, languages, crafts, volunteering, dance. Don't go into every situation thinking your going to make friends, just enjoy the activity and the chat for what it is and see what happens.

Quite a few people I know are not comfortable with SM. They only have Facebook to find out about events. They just use first and middle name and keep photos generic, pets, nature etc. They are in local Facebook groups that have events. They pick and choose events to find things they like rather than trying to make friendships.

Perhaps you don’t want friends at the moment. Just people to do things with. Could you have a few hours/afternoon to yourself? Try different things and see what you like. Perhaps without the pressure of trying to find friends you will find kindred spirits.

I have many friends. Still see someone I’ve known since we were 3 years old! In contact with school friends too. However friendships have to be worked at to be maintained. They are not one sided. A common interest in a hobby is a great way to make friends. I joined a choir 2 years ago - it’s been a game changer for me. Having a dog (I have 2) is another great way to get to know people if you’re a dog person of course. My mantra is be interested in people and they will usually be interested in you.

I used to live in London then moved away.

I found that some of my best friends were from work, or from doing a course.

Don't just stay in your department, seek friends in others too. At lunch time, try and sit in different places so that you can meet different people.

Absolutely love this 🌺