AIBU to feel I should have been invited? ***edit by MNHQ to say this is a reverse***

[checkeredboards]

I get along well with my in-laws and I always feel included and part of the family. We live about 3 hours away from my family and about 20 minutes away from my PILs. We have a great marriage. Been married for 8 years now. I recently had my PILs and SIL over for cake for my husband's 30th birthday. Well MIL presented him with concert tickets for his birthday and said out loud, "I bought you, your dad, me, and your younger sister concert tickets so we can all go see this band that we all love together in concert yayy." I'm thinking in my head MIL prob just forgot to mention me by name because surely there's no way his mum forgot to include me in this as I would be the only family member left out and we don't have a rocky relationship we get along very well and it would be way out of character for her. But nope she didn't include me. She went on to say how excited she was to do this for the four of them.

My husband was like thanks mum I'm super excited. Which I was pretty pissed at him that he right away didn't stand by me and immediately ask what about my wife. I told him later on that I was pretty pissed because I felt like it's one thing for his parents not to think of and include me but it's a whole other layer of hurt when husband doesn't even think of me. I couldn't help myself and muttered pretty loudly so I could make sure they heard, "thanks for including and thinking of your son's closest family member you know his wife the woman he married." I mentioned that this is very clearly a celebration centered around the four of them and I was going to leave them to it. His mom said how of course I'm part of the celebration and I said well right now it doesn't really feel like I'm part of it. That's the time I felt like my husband should have supported me. I'm the one he married and lives with. He just stood there like a dumb man shrugging his shoulders. Not literally speaking but figuratively speaking.

I felt like if they couldn't afford 5 concert tickets ok fine but there was so many ways around that where I wasn't completely left out. They could have given my husband money towards the concert ticket based on what they could afford and said, "hey for your birthday I want to go to a concert as a family please put this money towards you and your wife's concert ticket." Or they could have made it just a mother son night or a father son not that way not everyone in the family is included but his own wife! Especially like I said this is sooo out of character because his parents are not the type at all to not consider others feelings or how things may look or come across.

AIBU to feel hurt and left out by the actions of my MIL and also even more hurt that my husband wasn't immediately like what the hell what about my wife? I mention MIL specifically because I know she is the present buyer for the family and she is the one who presented the tickets during the celebration. If FIL was the one who bought the family presents and presented the tickets I would have said him instead of MIL.

I feel like MIL was going back in time where their family was just the four of them but now her son is married and family functions should include his wife.

What's your relationship like with your family? Do you always take / your family ask your husband to events organised with them?

WTF.

Just let him enjoy a night out with his family.

Surely its 4 tickets to a concert for his birthday and he can invite who he wants? Why are they controlling who attends with him? Not much of present just for him.

YABU sorry.

My DH often does things with his mum and sister. It's nice for them to just hang out.

I get invited to some things, but occasionally they do something just them. Fine with me, I don't need to go to everything.

Yabu, absolutely nothing wrong with your husband being gifted tickets to go to an event with his parents and sibling. I’d feel suffocated by you.

Given the price of concert tickets these days, I wouldn't necessarily expect to be included.

OP you are NOT being unreasonable! I’m shocked so many replies say you are being unreasonable. Different if you were a girlfriend of a few months but you’re literally his wife! And the fact they presented them in such a big way and made it clear you were not part of it I just think is incredibly insensitive.

I’m close with my MIL and would be incredibly hurt by this. Please talk to your DH. I would not stop him from going but I was pull back on including your PILs in events that you organise when they clearly don’t see you as a true extension of the family.

They have maybe been a bit rude or thoughtless. But your response was far ruder in my opinion.

Same
I'm actually embarrassed for you you've thrown a tantrum and made your husabds 30th really awkward If not ruined the concert itself.
You should have expressed your feelings to your dh afterwards in private I can see it feels inconsiderate but think youve really overreacted.

YABU and really embarrassing.

YANBU.
That would really sting.
The least they could have done is discussed in advance with you that this was their plan and they wanted a night out with just the 4 of them. Announcing it in front of you like that is a proper kick in the teeth. Especially considering you must have know them since he was 20 and you probably a similar age.

Is it possible that you weren’t invited so SIL wasn’t a fifth wheel?

Do they know you enjoy the band too?

Before you came along they were a unit of 4. All his mum is thinking is that it would be nice to do something in that unit again. I can see why you are hurt but your thinking is all wrong. If you get on with the in laws they wouldn't intentionally hurt you.

My dad quite often takes me and my sisters out for a meal and we go just the 5 of us (mother included). It's nice to do it sometimes. Plus it's your husbands 30th gift so clearly a bit of 'reminiscing' going on from his folks. Wish them a fab night and grab a takeaway 😃

Because you aren't related to them. And they definitely would feel uncomfortable with you there after you were so rude to them.

It sounds as though it was a bit thoughtless. They have a shared history of liking this particular band and were excited to buy tickets for a gift they knew their son would like.
They either didn't think of inviting you (thoughtless) or they considered it and decided against it assuming you wouldn't be interested or that they wanted to be just the 4 of them (bit rude).

I would probably have felt a bit hurt in your place. Maybe had a word with DH later and if I was as close as you mention to MIL maybe to her. But I wouldn't have had a tantrum and, as PP said "made the day about me".

You are married to your DH, his family have welcomed you in, but they have a shared history and a blood relation that you don't. I don't say this to be cruel. It is just a fact. I have seen in-laws do other thoughtless things, like asking the wife to be the one taking the "family photo" - of everyone else because she's not part of the family. It's often not meant meanly, and the best thing to do is to be gracious and rise above it.

YABVU of course it's fine for them to do stuff just as the four of them!
It really isn't about you, it's just that you're not their actual child.
I think you should be apologising to your in laws for being rude

Am I the only one that finds it odd that said concert must be for a specific day? When similar has happened for OH the giver has checked with the recipient's partner as to whether it's convenient eg in case of exams, holiday booked, attending wedding, stag do etc so tickets aren't wasted. They would also usually gift two tickets or more so recipient chooses who to go with. This all sounds very strange of parents.

I agree with this. It's a big birthday present, so I would expect her to talk to you in advance and say 'this is the plan, do you want to come' and maybe if buying an extra ticket is an extra financial strain then OP could have contributed? Announcing it like this makes it feel like they knew it wasn't that great for the OP and wanted to do it before anyone could object.

It is pretty standard to bring a spouse along even on birth family things like this, from people I know. Not to say it's compulsory, but for people saying 'why would you even think they'd invite you?' I would expect them to.

Could it be there was a ticket limit of 4? Depends on the band but can be common.

That said MIL could should have given you the heads up. I would feel put out too in your shoes.

I think it was rude of them. Most people would feel uncomfortable if everyone else in the room was invited to an event and they were the only person to be left out. Whether it's a room of friends or family, it is bad mannered and unkind.

I'm not sure how the question of what my parents got my husband for his birthday is relevant. But anyways my parents got him a nice leather jacket he has been eyeing for a long time.

I think there is a huge difference between organically his parents, him, and his sister doing something the four of them if I'm not around or busy or something then presenting tickets and announcing that everyone got tickets but one person and that one person being their spouse when said spouse was gracious enough to call them up and arrange them to come over to celebrate. I just can't imagine my parent ever doing something like this to DH. When we got married and heck even before them he became an extension of their immediate family.

I'm just hurt that they would exclude me out in the open considering my very close relationship with them. I truly felt like a close family member to them.

We are married not dating and that does make a difference.

Very rude for you not to be included. We wouldn't dream of doing something with our two sons and exclude their wife/partner. We see them both as our daughters.

I'm so surprised by the responses on this thread. You are definitely not being unreasonable. I can't imagine any woman who would not be hurt by this. It would be different if it was for just the mother and your husband but this is totally out of order.

Don't be hard on your husband as he may not have realised that this is upsetting. I think a lot of men wouldn't care if it was the other way round. If you talk to him after and he still doesn't see your point I would be massively pissed off.

I would be including the in-laws far less going forwards!!

There's a lot of obtuse posers who are deliberately ignoring that you've been excluded (presumably there's no backstory). That said you should have kept the remarks until after your husband's event as it wasn't his fault and wasn't really the time.

YANBVU and owe your ILs and husband a huge apology for ruining the celebration.