Grown man posting too many selfies

[Animatic]

I have recently met a man who seems quite intelligent and is good looking, very close to "full package". The only thing that makes me cringe is his habit of posting selfies on SM stories almost daily, sometimes even more than 1 a day. Normally it would be smth like photo of his face with a note saying "otw to get my coffee" or similar. The man in question is over 40 yrs old so definitely far from a 21 yrs old wannabe influencer.

AIBU thinking this is too cringe and a red flag in terms of trying to date ,etc?

🚩 are indicators of potential problems / serious risks best avoided.

In this case his selfie pattern would give me concerns regarding a particular personality type. Him presenting as “the full package” adds to those concerns and his secrecy over previous relationships adds to them again.

Just giving my experience and opinion, fwiw.

Does he have vain egotistical tendencies in his general interactions with you?

That would put me off massively. What a twit.

Depends on a myriad of factors -

• is he British?
• And what’s his job? Is he required to be constantly on for work?
• has he been single for a really long time and it’s a way of feeling connected?

if he’s a British civil servant then it would give me the ick

if he’s from somewhere else - especially if he works in real estate or needs to self market professionally - then I’d be curious rather than repelled

my ex started doing this, it’s like a need for validation or something. When he escalated to gym selfies I got the ick in a big way

@Attelina I got the ick just reading your post, urgh 😆

I'd find too many unsolicited selfies a turn-off, but agree with PP that his unwillingness to discuss past relationships is a bigger potential red flag. I wouldn't necessarily expect (or want) all the gory details, but I'd want to feel he was being completely honest about the bare bones facts of his past. Any hint that he was holding back would make me wary of him. I'd assume he'd had some particularly nasty breakups or couldn't keep a girlfriend/partner for long for some reason.

Edit: And if the answer is that he hasn't had any serious relationships, I'd expect him to just say so, after we'd been dating for a while. It's a bit unusual for a man that age to have had no relationships at all—especially if he's handsome, otherwise 'successful', and the type to take tons of selfies—so I can see why he might be embarrassed to say so, but it has to come out eventually.

It massively depends. For example, he may be in the process of building his audience for a future business, building a "personal brand" if you like, in which case it's absolutely what the vast majority of SM marketing people advise. I don't even have a personal IG account, mine is strictly business and yes, sometimes it involves posting random stuff couple of times a day

Hahaha that's hilarious, but who knows....

Thanks everyone. I agree that grey zone in terms of previous relationships is more worrying than selfies in isolation.

The thing is that I am a single parent to a young child. I can't really afford picking a wrong person and getting into drama, as it would affect my mental health and would affect my child as a consequence.

Hence being over cautious when it comes to dating and triple checking.

Would find it cringe if he was posting them directly to you but at least you could have a conversation about not needing to send them.

Posting them to stories is for attention and he probably has multiple people from whom he's trying to seek validation. Grown men in their 40s don't post selfies for their friends and family. They are for other women.

I’m old. When I first became aware of selfies, I took loads- but never posted them. I wonder if he realises they are a bit naff! Tell him.

I would never post a selfie on SM (OK don't have SM but anyway). If my DH who only has LinkedIn would start to post selfies I would check if he was going mental. Even my adolescent sons don't do this! For a grown man in his forties to do this it's quite pathetic. Teenagers do this to get validation. I would not waste my time on someone who is either in love with himself or so insecure that he needs validation on social media. 🤢

Super cringe behaviour for both men and women.

Vain and naff. I have a 60yo relative who posts pouties like a 15yo. She's been muted by most of us family as we all find it ridiculous that she needs the daily endorphin/validation from her huns.

Yep, red flag I'd say. Do you know if he's also posting pics of his "full package"?

Haven't seen but agree that's the next step.

absolutely nothing to suggest he does this - jeez, I think you should end this relationship for his sake. I don’t think I’d want someone I’d only been with for a couple of months to be so nitpicky over my life and bitching about me on the internet. How you’ve jumped from “he posts daily selfies” to “and probably gets his bits out on the internet” so quickly is amazing really.

That would give me the major ick. I'm single and not dating, but one of my prerequisites is that someone isn't glued to, and obsessed with social media. I find anyone who posts constant selfies to be completely full of themselves, and can't be doing with it.

To me it equals self obsessed. Big red flag and a massive ick to boot.

I think it’s definitely a red flag. Either it means he is self-obsessed, therefore he won’t be giving the attention and mutual respect that a partner deserves, or it means that he’s insecure and needs the validation from others on his pictures.

Would put me off personally - the odd one or two fine but self promoting every day? Unattractive...

Avoid him like the plague. He is probably a narcissist.
Friends who do this kind of thing are to be avoided, too. They are puerile individuals who have this craving for being always the center of attention.

Weirdo alert!
I would report his behaviour just to be in the safe side. He is probably testing the waters see if you would be interested in a sexual encounter.

Report his behaviour? Who to? Half the SM population post selfiea on a regular/daily basis.