To keep lying about Father Christmas?

[Wimblmum]

Advice please ladies - DS 8 bas over the last couple of months been coming to me, eyes wet, saying 'is father christmas real?!' When I give teeny bits of truth like 'it not real that he can hear your secret wishes' (a problem we had last year was he 'secretly asked FC to bring mummy something'!) he burst into full-on floods of tears and wails 'so he's not reeeeeal?!' and the only way I've been able to console him is to then reinforce other bits of the fantasy, e.g. that we have to send FC letters to say what we're wishing for...

Last night he again full of tears said 'so it's not you delivering the presents???' I tried to distract with 'don't we all enjoy the idea of magic' but he was insistent and said 'do you deliver the presents???' and, justified by the fact that I don't - mainly it's amazon - I said no I don't deliver them. Again he looked so relieved.

I never had this with his big sister - she stopped believing in a nice, gentle, mainly unspoken, way - and she now helps maintain the magic, with moving the elves etc. But DS is genuinely so upset about it all - I think he loves the ideas so much and believed so completely, he genuinely doesn't want to be told we've all just been telling him a big fat lie.

Any experience of this and/ or advice on how to help him through without him feeling so dissonant and lied to? Genuinely struggling to work out what's best - I (stupidly) never expected him to get so emotionally attached to the whole thing!

Unfortunately I think you've over complicated it by saying Father Christmas knows your secret wishes. You need to keep it simple as kids are not stupid. My DD is a teenager now but she told me a girl in school told them FC wasn't real when they were 7.

I wouldn’t lie again if I were you as it’s still October and he can come to terms with it before Christmas. Once they start to suspect the signs are everywhere as the Christmas marketing ramps up.

"Father Christmas is real to those who believe. Do you believe? "

We call that emotional blackmail here.

I was about 8 when I first brought up not believing, and I brought it up by mentioning a girl at school who'd said she found out because her parents woke her up putting her stocking in her bedroom. Mum was having none of it, saying "Friend was obviously so naughty that year that Father Christmas didn't want to bring her any presents, and her parents didn't want to disappoint her!"

Thing was, I'd already known anyway because I picked up on the fact that FC bought the same wrapping paper as my parents. But after the reaction I got when I first mentioned not believing, I just didn't mention that and ended up playing along for another two years just to keep the peace. I was never upset about having been told something that wasn't true in the first place, but would have preferred honesty once I'd worked it out for myself.

It sounds like he's been told at school but still wants to believe.
I don't think my parents ever told me. Mum always says she believes.
But kids get upset because think they won't get Santa presents. They don't get the logic that actually nothing has changed. You do them now as Santa, and you will still do them as mummy.

Winner for most Mumsnet-ty response ever.

Honestly I'd tell him the truth. It sounds like he knows but doesn't want to know and it's making him upset, probably the fact that you keep telling him it's real is very confusing to him.

I know it's hard. My son asked me at 9 if Santa was real and I told him the truth. He was so upset bless him but I think when they ask you outright you need to be honest.

Personally I would continue. He obviously wants to believe and it will be other people making him question it. Eventually he will find out but you only get a bit of magic for a short space of time so keep it for as long as you can.

Thanks for all the replies - especially those of you who recognised how sensitive of a soul DS is, and that's it's genuinely tricky given that he clearly wants to believe.

I'm surprised by all the responses saying he obviously wants to believe. I think he is obviously sensitive and thoughtful and he wants to be told the truth. I'd be questioning the 'magical' nature of something that is causing so much angst and I really don't think more lies or equivocation are the way to go here. It's obviously on his mind as he's brought it up so many times and it's not even near Christmas yet. You have time to tell him in a gentle way so he can enjoy Christmas in a new way this year.

I don’t think he wants to believe. He seems to have angst around knowing deep down it isn’t true, worrying this will negatively affect Christmas and unclear adult responses.