Don't want to get married

[beauborino]

Interested in some opinions here .Maybe AIBU .
Been together 7 years -live together get along fine -good life -shared goals .
Have achieved liots together .
Problem is -he wants to get married .
I have been married once before -cheated on ex stole 50k .
He had been married twice -says I am the one .
I don't want to marry again it means nothing to me .
Also worried that I have more money and property so got more to lose .
Female 57 ..AIBU?

YANBU.
Having done it all twice before, why does he even want to get married? It does seem so meaningless.
I’m a similar age, but widowed rather than divorced, but I definitely won’t get married again. Everything I have was built up during my marriage to DH so it’s DC’s inheritance. I wouldn’t ever risk it by getting married.

Does he know you cheated on your ex husband?

You being really sensible and protecting yourself financially. The odds of divorce increase for second marriages and increase more for third marriages.

I think she means her ex cheated on her and stole £50k.

So at 57 you won't be having children together. What's his reason for wanting to get married?

Tend to agree, there's little reason from your side to marry in this situation.
And to be honest, "I don't want to" is a perfectly valid reason not to get married, and if he kept pushing it after you've said no, that would raise eyebrows and possibly flags for me.

He might be thinking about if one of you got sick etc, but you can deal with all that kind of thing with Lasting Powers of Attorney, so maybe if he has a specific concern there might be other ways you can address it without marriage. He should still respect your "no" though.

I'm similar, LTR but more assets and as we don't and won't have children together, it makes no sense to marry.

I wouldn't, but just said that after H1 & I divorced and I did marry again (unfortunately DH2 died).
I'm female, early 50s, in another LTR for 7 years and planning to live together in the near future now my youngest has finished 6th form, I am pretty certain I won't be marrying a third time.

If you don't want to get married then don't do it. But if your reason is that your previous marriage was bad then I'd say don't let the past affect your future.
If I'd been happily with someone for 7 years and marriage was important to them I think I'd do it for their sake.
Get a pre-nup agreement? That solves the issue of money and property.

Sorry -ex cheated on me .

And ex stole 50k

What would getting married achieve?

What are his reasons for wanting marriage? Is it cultural, religious, sentimental?

You could make a pre-nup agreement if you're worried about money.

A wedding needn't be costly. Suggest a water tight pre-nup, a brush up on your will to protect any kids you have and a half hour appointment at the local registry office to get married and see if he's still keen.

I don't blame you, protect yourself & your assets - even if it appears /sounds like he is better off - it's too easy to lose hard earned assets in a 2nd marriage.

I married a 2nd time because we were planning on children, at my insistence we put in place a legal financial agreement.
Our solicitors made it very clear that pre-nups are not easily enforceable etc etc
We've been married 20 years now.

Did you report the theft?

What has that got to do with the OPs question?

I tend to agree with you on these facts - I wouldn’t either.

Has he said specifically why he would like to be married again?

YANBU I’d never marry again. Once was enough even although I love my dh.
Only get married if you want it and it’s not detrimental to your life or your children.

No I think it’s fine to not want to get married.

But it may be a deal breaker for him.

Just be open and honest with him and see what he says.

No, at 57 there is little to be gained from marriage now and more to lose, especially if you have more assets. what are his reasons for a third marriage ( for him)?

I’m guessing he wants access to your assets, but I’m cynical

I think I would want to know why he wants to get married, in your specific case what does it mean to him?

I would agree with you, absolutely no need to and like you say could possibly be to your detriment.

You say you have achieved a lot together, financially? If so a good will could sort that out.

On the other hand if it's a celebration type thing, I love this lady, is there a compromise to be had? A ceremony without the legal bit?

What's the wider set up? Children etc.

On what you have said I would not be legally marrying anyone but I would look to discuss its importance and why.

What's the purpose of the marriage? If it's for a party for family and friends you could do a fluffy ceremony with pretty clothes and some non-binding vows.

I’m with you OP. If you’ve got more assets than him you’ve got more to lose. Not worth risking at this stage of life.

I win the prize, I win the prize lol 😂

20+ years together now. Neither of us married before and neither of us has children either. We are both financially secure and see absolutely no point in marrying, other than to have to divorce ha ha!

In my 60s now, he is ten years older. We have made provision for each other in our wills, but the bulk will be going where each of us wants it to, not what the law says.

We each own our own properties outright. Oh and we do the Charles and Camilla trick also, living apart but sharing our houses regularly.

It's not for everyone, I know that, but it's what we are mutually very happy with and that's the important thing.

I wouldn't get married if you have a lot to lose, especially not to someone who has been married twice before.