To not have a sleep schedule

[Thirdfloor]

I hear lots of mum talking about wake windows and their baby's sleep schedule. Am I being completely unreasonable to not control my baby's sleep?

DD is 8 months old. I've always just let her sleep when she gets tired. At the moment she wakes early (about 5am, which works with my schedule) and goes to bed at about 6:30pm(she wakes up briefly at about 10pm when I go to bed, we usually have a story and a quick cuddle, maybe a little milk before she goes properly down.) Apart from that naps are just as and when, it depends on what we are doing. Is this bad? Am I missing something? I think I would find tracking and trying to control nap times unnecessarily stressful.

Sounds like you do have a schedule that works for you. You know the rough bedtime and get up.
Keep it up. Sounds great. You parent your way and don't worry what others do.

I always did the same when my son was younger. He never napped on a schedule only when he was tired. I found that when he got older and started napping less often he naturally fell into more of a consistent routine. Now he’s 16 months he tends to have one nap around midday.

I did the same with mine. Slept when tired. Both would sleep wherever we were. It meant there was never a ' can't meet / go at that time ' moment as its their nap time.

Sounds great! I wish I could be like you. Some people need a schedule and others are more go with the flow. Whatever works for you. It sounds lovely to be able to just be out and about and baby just naps as and when.
We’ve always been on schedules as it kind of naturally happened and I found it so much easier knowing when and where he would be napping so I could plan my day. Now he’s down to one nap it’s so much easier to just be at home to make sure he gets a proper nap. But I get envious of other parents who are out with their babies all day and they nap in their buggies whilst parents have lunch somewhere.

What you're doing sounds fine. I have friends that have been so prescriptive with their kids and I just couldn't live like that.

@Elmo230885 that's exactly what made me think I was doing something wrong. A few times I've been out with friends and even though the babies were happy playing and crawling about, they've been taken away for 'nap time'. I wasn't sure if I was doing something wrong. Her naps just depend on what we've been doing in the day. I would say bedtime is fairly consistent and she tends to wake up around the same time.

Also it's the same for feeds. I've have no idea how much milk she has. There is no schedule as she just feeds whenever she wants it. I make sure she has a solid food once a day at the same time. Thinking of introducing a second meal soon. I have no concerns about her weight or growth so it didn't occur to me to track how much she has been drinking. Now I'm starting to think I've been irresponsible

Sounds fine. We were the same. You have to parent the child you have and to suit your own personality.

If it’s working for you, there’s no need to change.

If you’ve never had a truly bad sleeper then you won’t have insight into how utterly horrendous it is to be 13 months in and still getting up 4-5 times every night. Bitter experience is usually why people have babies & toddlers on a schedule.

Mine would rather fall asleep standing up at 5pm with knock on consequences overnight. than nap on the go outside the house so we make sure we’re home for her lunchtime nap.

Sounds like you don’t have a need to change anything so don’t worry what others are doing.

Some babies need actively getting to sleep as they won’t naturally nap themselves and some sensitive to wake windows and daytime sleep needs will suffer at night if these aren’t met. Parents with twins will also hugely benefit from a napping and feeding schedule.

If your baby begins to become very unsettled at nighttime or incredibly grouchy from 5pm-ish, then that might be your cue to look at timings if ever needed.

I was the same with both my two. As a result they slept wherever we were if they were tired so we never got to the over tired and miserable stage.

Don't get me wrong DD has her moments of being grouchy and overtired. I try to catch her before it gets to that point but there is no rhyme or reason to it. Some days she gets tired at 11am sometimes at 1pm. Sometimes she needs half an hour at 4pm. 🤷 I think I would find it very stressful to stick to a schedule. I suppose every baby is different. Overall I think we are doing alright I just worry sometimes that I'm missing something important re. Wake windows

The only time I ever got really cross with one of my babies was when I tried to follow wake windows, in an attempt to improve her night time sleep. She hadn't read the stuff about her wake windows, I got really frustrated because she wasn't going to sleep when she "ought" to, and suddenly realised I was blazingly furious with her.

It scared me and I never tried it again with her or her younger sister.

I think some people may find wake windows etc helpful, but it doesn't sound like you need them (you've got a good night time routine, which is generally what people are aiming for), and they might just add stress.

You might well find that she does start to fall into her own regular pattern quite soon anyway - though just when you think you know what it is, she'll probably drop a nap and change it!

It sounds like you are really in tune with your baby and able to respond to her needs. I think you are doing a brilliant job.

My second DC is similar to yours. Has obvious sleepy cues and sleeps well at night, will nap easily when needed. My first DC however…!

I’ve never tracked food/milk intake either. I think unless there is a medical need to, you’ll just drive yourself crazy as they go through days/weeks of eating loads and then have a day when they’ll only have 1 mouthful of whatever.

I think this comes under “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”

Sounds perfectly fine to me. Some babies however thrive on strict routine and all hell breaks loose when that’s changed slightly. So I do think it’s baby led too in many cases. In some its because mum wants (or think she should) have a schedule. Just do you and your baby.

My "schedule" wasn't set in stone, it was responsive to my childs needs but my babies wouldn't just fall asleep.the only way they did was when massively overtired, they would crash for twenty minutes. If i watched their sleep cues to put them for a nap at a sensible time they would sleep 3 hours.

They were both much, much easier babies on more sleep. They also slept far better at night when they'd had enough naps.

Glad to hear there are other people who do this. Social media is full of people who force young babies into artificial schedules & sleep consultants promoting these artificial sleep schedules for very young babies who try to make people who don’t have strict schedules feel bad. Baby led is the way to go!

Remember though, through education your DD will have to operate on someone else's schedule and its no bad thing to get children used to routine. Some of the children who struggle most with school are the ones who can't cope with the routine/schedule and constantly want to do their own thing.

@110APiccadilly @HolyGrailSeeker
Thank you! I know that trying to stick to a routine would stress me out. The only time I have ever been irritated by DD is when I tried to put her down in her cot for bedtime when she was a few weeks old. After getting out of bed for around the hundredth time I realised she just couldn't do it without me - not her fault. I decided to co-sleep to save us both the stress and looking back it was the right decision for us.
@HolyGrailSeeker 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it' is my motto for life 😊

My first DD was the most atrocious sleeper and the only thing that worked was a schedule. I was going crazy with the lack of sleep and a schedule worked for us. It sounds like your approach is working really well for you and your baby, and that's all that matters. DD2 is a bit easier so far and so I've been able to be more relaxed with her sleep, which has been wonderful! DD1 really struggled to put on weight, so I had to do tracking, regular weigh-ins and medical appointments. It was awful. DD2 is putting on weight better and overall much more healthy baby, so I'm enjoying not having to. Enjoy what's working for you, your baby and your family!

Interesting point! As a single mum, unfortunately DD has to fit around my routine. I would say we have a routine but not a schedule. I would hope that's enough to prevent any issues down the line. She doesn't get to do what she wants whenever. She knows she has to sit in the pushchair when I go for a run, and play by herself when I cook etc. She has to come to appointments with me etc. Although my approach could be described as baby led not everything does or can revolve around her.

Some babies need a schedule. It isn't "controlling their sleep"

The mothers you are seeing taking their child away to have a nap are responding to their child's sleep cues that you aren't seeing. They know their babies best and know that they need to have a sleep before they become overtired. The schedule will still be led by the child's needs, not some arbitrary timetable the mother has foisted upon them. They will have become attuned to what their children need.

My son needed a schedule. He thrives on a strong routine in general. At 3 he sleeps 13 hours a night and loves his solid routine.

I tried this and it didn’t work for my dd. She thrived on a military style routine. If it works for the two of you, why not?

routine but not a schedule

The distinction is arbitrary. What you have decided is these other mothers forcing a schedule on their children, is in fact their routine.

It's also worth noting your child is 8 months old. She's barely existed on the planet. you may well feel the sudden need for a scheduled sleep pattern soon enough.

I found it really depended on the child. My eldest needed a routine otherwise sleep didn't happen during the day at all. The second just went with the flow.

Interestingly the eldest now 16 is very routine based. Gym at x, run at y, it doesn't bother him if he needs to change but he feels better if he maintains it.

The second now 11 still goes with the flow, so it kind of was in them from day 1 in my opinion.

A lot of people may use set times to support the nursery or around their work etc. nothing like dealing with a grumpy baby trying to settle back in work.