To not have a sleep schedule

[Thirdfloor]

I hear lots of mum talking about wake windows and their baby's sleep schedule. Am I being completely unreasonable to not control my baby's sleep?

DD is 8 months old. I've always just let her sleep when she gets tired. At the moment she wakes early (about 5am, which works with my schedule) and goes to bed at about 6:30pm(she wakes up briefly at about 10pm when I go to bed, we usually have a story and a quick cuddle, maybe a little milk before she goes properly down.) Apart from that naps are just as and when, it depends on what we are doing. Is this bad? Am I missing something? I think I would find tracking and trying to control nap times unnecessarily stressful.

Oh, and on the 5am wake thing - that might work for you, but it didn't work for us.

Tweaked his naps ever so slightly and it stopped happening.

It's actually me that wakes her up at 5am as I need those couple of hours before the day properly begins to get some work done. We do a couple of stories and cuddles and usually she drops off again (although sometimes she'll be ready to get up and play)

Also to the posters who think that I am being judge, that is really not the case. I have been worried I am missing something. DDs sleep definitely isn't perfect and I am open to trying new things. My AIBU was to try and understand whether my very go-with-the-flo attitude is less than ideal.

I hear lots of mums talking about a nap schedule/tracking feeds/nappy changes etc and, its not that I feel left out but I feel I can't really participate in those conversations. Am I missing a trick.

There is definitely no guided judgement. Im neurodivergent so sometimes a bit blunt. Control in hindsight was not the best word to use. Proactive would have been more apt.

Apologies for the typos. Autocorrect on my phone 🤦

It's actually me that wakes her up at 5am as I need those couple of hours before the day properly begins to get some work done. We do a couple of stories and cuddles and usually she drops off again (although sometimes she'll be ready to get up and play)

How does waking her early allow you to get more work done? Surely it would be much more logical to work while she’s still asleep if you’re up at 5am and she’s not? I can’t imagine a world in which it’s easier to work with an awake baby vs one who is still asleep.

We co-sleep and I can't leave her on the bed by herself so I wake her up, we move to the living room, I make a cuppa, we have cuddles, read some stories for half an hour or so then she will tend to dose off again so I can get work done when she is sleeping. It's not ideal but the safest way and it means our day properly begins at more like 7:30. After that I have no chance of getting any work done. While it's dark in the mornings she tends to stay in a sleepy state 80% of the time

I did the same with my DC, who are now in their 20s and physically very healthy.

I was also on my own a lot (DP working away) and I found a schedule really helpful. It wasn't rigid but it was fairly predictable and I made plans around it. I also tracked feeds but that is because DC had failure to thrive so I felt it was necessary to have the reassurance. It worked for me and DC though am sure if DP had been in charge it would have been totally fine to not have any kind of schedule which would have been the way that worked for him. Either approach is fine

DS loved a schedule as a baby, still does and he’s 22. He went to nursery at 7 months so I tweaked his schedule for a few weeks before he started to make it coincide with the one at nursery. So I did ‘force’ this on him, though he was quite happy about it. He settled into nursery really easily and napped there just the same as at home. Going with the flow didn’t work, he was far too interested in what was going on to nap while out and about, and would be a grumpy crying wreck without his naps. Take him into his bedroom, calm him down with a story for 5 minutes, and he’d nap well and was a happy child most days. Though of course there were always some days when things do not go to plan….

Its amazing how things change! I created this post a few weeks ago and since then, DDs sleep is upside down. Not in a bad way, but I think I understand the schedule thing better now. Teething and tummy issues mean that out 5am wake ups have shifted to 3am then she's back to sleep again for longer. There is no rhyme or reason to it. It doesn't bother me at all waking up in the night, I actually cherish those cuddles when it's dark and quiet. BUT I realise it's only possible because I have no other commitments. I'm on mat leave and she's my only child so no school run. If we have a later start some days that's okay and if we are knackered we can go to bed early. I know it's important to have a routine, we still do things in the same order if you know what I mean. We always do dinner, bath, pyjamas, teeth, story, bed, but when we do that varies day to day. I guess what I'm trying to say is, that I don't need a schedule and an happy to go with the flow and that works for us. But I can understand why others may need to enforce more structure. I guess it's the privileged position I am in now that makes it harder to see the other side. 😊

Sounds like you’re being really responsive and meeting your child’s needs. In terms of tracking milk, with breastfed babies you really don’t know how much they take, you just feed on demand so seems logical to me! In terms of sleep it sounds pretty amazing for an 8 month old so if it works it works!! Sometimes people need schedules because they have older kids to pick up from school or they know if nap time is late sleep is a nightmare etc but every child is different!

I'd still not say what you've posted here out loud tbh 😂 it whiffs of, "I understand that you don't love your baby in the night like I do, ok, you NEED to do these things to your baby whilst I go with the flow" etc

The implication is heavily that what you're doing is right, and that other people wish they could be like you in your privileged position.

I've never once felt envious of people who "just went with the flow". I could have wished for a few different things with my baby, but following his entirely predictable needs is not a chore.

I have 3 under 2. If I didn’t have any type of schedule, it would be chaos.

We all thrive on schedules here. It’s funny, I always feel the opposite to you and that co-sleeping, baby led etc is constantly shoved down my throat.

God no! If it’s working for you there is no need to change anything. Babies are all individuals, if your approach works for your baby it’s perfect.

That is a very strange reading of my post tbh.

All mine didn't have set nap times. I think it's odd when parents can't go anywhere because it would interfere with their child's nap time.

I guess all your children slept through the night then? Why’s is it odd that they are prioritising a good nights sleep over something else?

If my babies nap is messed up in the day then I have hell at night so nap time on schedule is crucial for my mental and physical health.

That’s probably because you had a child that would just sleep when tired. If you have one that quickly becomes a sobbing, overtired mess then you don’t interfere with nap time because it’s miserable.

If you're on mat leave what work are you doing at 5am?

Never scheduled mine

I don't have a strict schedule with my 11 month old. He does still wake 8+ times a night though. I tried a schedule. Still woke 8+ times a night.

I'm doing a degree and working towards a professional cert. Whilst I'm not physically at work, I consider that to be my 'job'.

Yes same. My GP look after my nephews once a week and they're on a very tight schedule, to the point it makes my mum quite stressed (then again my DB is a bit of a dick and grills my mum about what time their naps were etc).

Couldn't live like that. It becomes really hard for nursery/GP to follow.