To confess this and ask for help

[imanidiot222]

Hey guys,

Hoping to get some perspective here. First of all I know I made a really poor decision and I'm ashamed of it.

Yesterday I got back from a holiday abroad and I met a guy there. We hit it off from the first day and ended up sleeping together. He has a girlfriend. We still continue to spend the week together and had sex multiples times, went for dinner etc.

He said he had never intended to meet someone and catch feelings or cheat on his girlfriend but there was just a connection between us. I also hate that I went with someone knowing they had a girlfriend. I had the most amazing time with him but he said that he can only contact me in the days when he's at work.

I'm sat here tonight feeling super low. Ashamed, guilty, but mainly just missing him and wanting to speak to him even though he's a cheat! And I'm not any better! That paired with the crushing holiday blues and knowing we won't see each other again just feels a lot.

Any advice or words of wisdom without being too harsh, please?

He’s played you for a good ‘un OP and wants you to carry on being his bit on the side at home, but only when it’s convenient for him of course. He’s pulled out all the lines to make you feel special but all you are is easy sex to him.

Do you want to be that person, sitting by your phone desperately waiting for him to message and pining over him while he’s playing happy families at home?

Move on you can do better, and next time avoid people in relationships.

Even if he were single, holiday romances seldom work out in "real life".

Right. You have experience of this?

My sister's ended up in 50 years of being together. He died of Covid.

Mine ended in divorce. Have a fabulous child though.

You never know how life works out.

This guy has a girlfriend though, so it's obviously not going to work out in this case

at your request, without being too harsh, he maybe told you he had a girlfriend cos the truth is worse that he has a new one every week / fortnight.
still the advice above is perfect, delete him everywhere, move on, get yourself checked over and put it down to a holiday romance that you haven't been scammed from

31 years married - met on holiday. It does occasionally work out..

It was a holiday fling, leave it at that. You don't want a relationship with someone who cheats on his girlfriend.

Try hating your dirty cheating partner.

I assume you slung him out.

You know nothing about him.

Tbh it sounds like a line - I would love to commit but despite my feelings I must remain true to my girl back home. It my be true it my not be - dealer's choice.

File this under fun flings in far flung fantasies Nd get on with reality.

He didn't expect to "catch feelings" for you, and he "never intended to cheat" 😆😂... You not only have incredibly low standards and no morals, you are also deluded.
The only person I feel sorry for is his girlfriend.

You deserve each other.

I’ve been the girlfriend in this situation, I feel sorry for her.

The only things you know for sure about him is you like him in bed and he's a lying cheat.
The rest you are writing in your imagination to suit the narrative of him being more than that. You don't know him.
Rewrite the narrative to be, Well that was fun. Glad I don't have to deal with all the drama that one would bring.
And put it to one side.

Don't feel ashamed; you met a guy, you wanted to have sex with him, he reciprocated, you did. But don't entertain any false illusions, either: it was sex. It's over. And if he tries to contact you again ... why on earth would you bother? You have to know that the shite he told you about a connection and specialness is nonsense given that he's still with his ex current girlfriend and demanding that you lie to hide your "connection".

I had the most amazing time with him but he said that he can only contact me in the days when he's at work. Um, wrong: the only time he can contact you is never.

Use this experience as a learning tool: next time don't be embarrassed to tell someone right up front (before having sex) that you don't want to get involved if they're already involved with someone else. It's big thing these days to pretend - ohhhhhhhhh, I didn't KNOOOOOOOW you thought I was single when I aggressively came on to you. Tee tee tee, we were just having fun - you like fun, right ???? Don't fall for the manipulation; be prepared next time to know and hold your boundaries and if necessary to state clearly what you do and don't want.

Tbh OP, he is showing you where his loyalties lie, and it isn’t with you. He clearly doesn’t look on it as worthy of splitting up with his gf for, or he would have split with her. He is giving you a few crumbs - letting you speak with him on his terms, probably because he likes the idea of having someone on the side, but I’m guessing it will just fizzle out now the holiday is finished. Delete and block his number, keep your dignity, and just chalk up to a holiday romance.

Even meeting someone on holiday who is single is very different to real life. Holiday flings are just that, a fling. It’s very very very rare for it to lead to anything meaningful in real life, even more so that you know he’s a cheat. The way you get a man is the way you’ll lose him. Just keep in mind that if he ever went on holiday again without you you’d be thinking who’s he going to be with? Keep the memories but move on. You don’t want to break up a relationship for something that isn’t real. You know you shouldn’t have done it & you know you shouldn’t be breaking up a relationship. Move on & let them be. Someone who cheats as soon as he has the chance isn’t someone you can be with long term especially I’m assuming long distance?

Did you & your sister break up someone else’s relationship to be with your holiday fling? Did you spend your life worrying if he’ll do to you what you did to his ex? Or did you get with someone who was single which worked out for you? Would it have worked if he was wanting to play happy families with his girlfriend & only contact you on the snide?

It rarely works out & it rarely rarely works out when the person is a cheat who wants to stay with his partner & remain a cheat keeping you on the side…

He will have been waving you off at the airport and picking up a new one on the way to the car park. I was a holiday rep many years ago. For barmen, shop and cafe workers, shagging the holiday makers is on of the perks of the job.

Forgive yourself & move on.

Op if you were meant to be he'd be leaving his gf for you. Hes not. You need to go cold turkey here and tell him to get in touch if he's single in the future and if you are too you can go for a drink.

He doesn't have feelings for you as he's incapable of any. He doesn't understand loyalty, empathy, respect etc..

You were just a quick shag I'm afraid. No doubt the latest in a long line so please get yourself checked and work on your self esteem that you fall for such rubbish.

So the poor thing never expected to have feelings for someone else and cheat: Why isn't he breaking up with his gf to be with you now then? Why is telling you he can only call you from work? Because he wants to have his cake and eat it. You're probably not the only one he's calling from work. Just look at this as learning experience OP: never get involved with someone who is already in a relationship because 1. You will get hurt. 2. You're worth better than a cheat.

The 'please be gentle' requests on such posts are indicative of a disingenuousness and selfishness.
Trying to defend the indefensible by faux regret is not a good look. How would you feel if your oh came back from a holiday and said 'by the way, I fucked another girl while on holiday; told her about you, but she was willing to shag me for the rest of the week, so I went for it. Is that ok?"

Oxytocin is a strong drug.

It will fade though - as long as you have nothing to do with the man.

Try to get out and meet other people, get busy, do new things..... Take your mind off this.
Try to meet a single guy.

This one is not single and his behaviour strongly suggests he is not going to make himself single.

There's another thread on this subject currently. Don't blame her so much, blame your idiot spouse who can't keep it in his pants.

Reflect on your very poor choices, how you value the standards of the men you interact with and try to be a better person going forward.